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20 Yr old at home



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underthestars




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 01 2021, 12:44 pm
Just wondering what your thoughts are on this: my husband & I are retired but live on a budget- all kids are married except for our youngest- she is 20 & lives at home. She works at a good paying job. We cover all of her costs except gas $ for her car (we bought her a car for work). Because of her age, we are paying ALOT more in car insurance. My husband would like her to contribute to this expense; I am not comfortable with this. It is not easy for us to pay this added expense, but we can manage it without struggling . I feel her money should be saved for after she marries- & this is our “achrayus”. He feels differently. She is a responsible young lady who watches her pennies & is not a spendthrift. What do others do in this situation?
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 01 2021, 12:53 pm
underthestars wrote:
Just wondering what your thoughts are on this: my husband & I are retired but live on a budget- all kids are married except for our youngest- she is 20 & lives at home. She works at a good paying job. We cover all of her costs except gas $ for her car (we bought her a car for work). Because of her age, we are paying ALOT more in car insurance. My husband would like her to contribute to this expense; I am not comfortable with this. It is not easy for us to pay this added expense, but we can manage it without struggling . I feel her money should be saved for after she marries- & this is our “achrayus”. He feels differently. She is a responsible young lady who watches her pennies & is not a spendthrift. What do others do in this situation?


I have two daughters in their early 20's who drive their own cars. I pay approximately half of their insurance. They pay their own gas for their own needs, but I pay it here and there because they also often volunteer to drive for me, pick things up for me on their way home, drive their little sister, etc....

To be honest, if I could afford it without struggling I would want them to save as much as they could for their futures. To this end, whatever I can afford to pay, I do. And wherever I can, I save money to pay for their weddings, etc....

I do feel that it's beneficial for them to start with some responsibilities, so paying a bit of their car expense, and they also pay for their own phones, and they pay their own social expenses (like going out with friends)...is not a bad thing. B"H neither of them are big spenders. It's good for them to learn a bit about what life will cost.

But in general, my viewpoint (and DH's) is that what's ours is theirs....they are our kids, and we would do for them whatever we could....
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 01 2021, 1:34 pm
Any adult who is employed should pay for his/her own expenses and pay rent or otherwise contribute to household expenses. Being single is no excuse.
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underthestars




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 01 2021, 4:29 pm
2 very different responses……..
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essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 02 2021, 4:20 am
zaq wrote:
Any adult who is employed should pay for his/her own expenses and pay rent or otherwise contribute to household expenses. Being single is no excuse.

Agree. My adult kids who are working pay half of their car insurance and fill up the car with gas when they use it. They pay for their own entertainment (going out with friends, basically going anywhere that's not with the family). We pay for college and support them fully while they are still getting their education, but once they are working, they are able to function as adults.
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singleagain




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 02 2021, 7:11 am
Why not ask her to contribute so she learns responsibility but put that money in a separate account to gift back to her at a later time? Sort of a compromise
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 02 2021, 7:31 am
singleagain wrote:
Why not ask her to contribute so she learns responsibility but put that money in a separate account to gift back to her at a later time? Sort of a compromise


Great idea.
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rubyred




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 02 2021, 8:04 am
underthestars wrote:
Just wondering what your thoughts are on this: my husband & I are retired but live on a budget- all kids are married except for our youngest- she is 20 & lives at home. She works at a good paying job. We cover all of her costs except gas $ for her car (we bought her a car for work). Because of her age, we are paying ALOT more in car insurance. My husband would like her to contribute to this expense; I am not comfortable with this. It is not easy for us to pay this added expense, but we can manage it without struggling . I feel her money should be saved for after she marries- & this is our “achrayus”. He feels differently. She is a responsible young lady who watches her pennies & is not a spendthrift. What do others do in this situation?


You sound like such a supportive mother. Kol hakavod! It is definitely not unusual for young adults to cover their car insurance while living in their parents home. You went above and beyond and got her a car. Bring it up with her and see if she would be willing to cover insurance. You may be surprised at how eager she is to lift this bill off your fingertips.
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fatso gal




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 02 2021, 8:18 am
underthestars wrote:
Just wondering what your thoughts are on this: my husband & I are retired but live on a budget- all kids are married except for our youngest- she is 20 & lives at home. She works at a good paying job. We cover all of her costs except gas $ for her car (we bought her a car for work). Because of her age, we are paying ALOT more in car insurance. My husband would like her to contribute to this expense; I am not comfortable with this. It is not easy for us to pay this added expense, but we can manage it without struggling . I feel her money should be saved for after she marries- & this is our “achrayus”. He feels differently. She is a responsible young lady who watches her pennies & is not a spendthrift. What do others do in this situation?


I would treat her like you did your other single kids at that age. That is only if you can afford to give the same as before.
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lk1234




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 02 2021, 8:23 am
She's 20 and working - it's absolutely not your achrayus. No way. If out of the goodness of your heart you want to drop her some money once in a while that is wonderful. But definitely not your responsibility at all. Let her pay it. You sound like a good loving mother- she should handle the payment.
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cholentfan1




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 02 2021, 8:47 am
Most single girls I know that are living at home would have their living expenses covered-food, housing, toiletries etc. A car would be something extra and the girl would be paying from her own earnings the cost of the car.
But some of it may be cultural and location dependent. If you live somewhere where a car is a necessity to get around, it's totally different to living somewhere where everything is technically within walking distance.
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underthestars




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jul 02 2021, 8:52 am
Thanks so much for all your thoughts & opinions. I see our “conflict “ really has legitimate arguments for both sides. I guess we both needed validation for how we each feel. We will continue to discuss how we feel we should move forward. Thank you
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