Would you have told your kids about the stabbing?

amother

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 9:56 am

We are not Chabad, but our kids, ages 4-8, are attending a Chabad summer camp this summer with a mix of Chabad and non-Chabad campers.

I was concerned they might hear about the Chabad rabbi who was stabbed yesterday from their classmates, so I told them about it first this morning, without being too graphic. I made sure they knew that it did not happen where we live and that the rabbi is going to be OK. They asked a few questions, but didn't seem disturbed.

When Meron happened, they heard about it from their friends before it even occurred to me to talk to them. So this time I thought they should hear it from me first and have a chance to have their questions answered by an adult. But now I am worried that maybe I introduced the topic unnecessarily. What do you all do when stuff like this happens?

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 10:07 am

I have. A 6 year old and a baby

Not chabad but daven at Chabad

No way. Never ever would consider telling her. She’s very intense she’d be terrified and would have nightmares. We didn’t tell her about meron either a (or 9/11. Or the Holocaust. She. Not ready For any of that)

anonymrs

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 10:28 am

I tell my kids, especially my most sensitive one. If they hear from me first, I can control how they hear about it and convey my attitude that I want them to absorb regarding the event. I know when they go to school, there's a good chance that they'll hear about it anyway, which will be much more frightening for them.

amother

Mintgreen

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 10:37 am

I’ve been telling my kids because it’s best if they hear it in a safe way and not in a scary way from friends. It’s been a rough year and our kids have had to have their bubble of safety destroyed too early. Hopefully they will be stronger for it.

amother

Mintgreen

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 10:39 am

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

She likely heard about all of it in school. I was shocked when my young daughter came home from school on 9/11 last year and told me in great detail about how people died on the towers. Now I just prep them properly when things happen because I want to make sure they aren’t traumatized by events.

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 10:42 am

amother [ Mintgreen ] wrote:

She didn’t hear about a meron for sure. It was a Friday, she was in pre 1a which is in a separate building from other grades, and her class is very small. In Any case as she gets older I have to reassess but no way she needs to know about this rabbi (or the Surfside tragedy. We live in an apartment building !)

amother

Mintgreen

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 10:52 am

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

My first grade daughter’s teacher told the girls to say tehillim for the people injured in meron. You really can’t assume your kid is living in a bubble. I bet she knows a lot more than you realize.

amother

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 10:54 am

I have talked to my kids about the Holocaust, and I know my oldest has been taught about the Holocaust in school. The school begins discussing it in first grade. But my kids are so close and talk so much, that anything the oldest knows is immediately found out by the younger ones. They don't know every graphic detail, but they know that a man named Hitler wanted to kill all the Jews and that he and his army killed very many Jews and a lot of people helped him.

My oldest two kids are old enough to remember meeting my grandmother, who died last year. They know she was in a ghetto and a camp and that some nice non-Jewish people helped her and her parents stay alive. I also told them about how their great-grandfathers on my side were soldiers and fought bravely against Hitler. I knew these things from a very young age myself, as did my parents when they were children.

Part of the reason I am second guessing telling them about yesterday's attack is that I hope they do not become the ones to tell all their camp-mates who otherwise might not have known. It's closer to home than the Holocaust, both in space and time, so more potential to be scary.

amother

Celeste

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 11:22 am

I didn’t read more than the OP. Just sharing what I heard from Dr. Blumenthal who was brought in to speak to parents after a tragedy in our community.
He said that today parents are no longer the filter by which children receive all their information and children will be exposed through many other avenues. Its best they hear from parent rather than from the playground. And that we shouldn’t be surprised that they will hear from the playground.
He even said details should be shared with the children because its better than hearing the gossip. This I was surprised by…

There was more.
Erev shabbos. Just sharing to assure you that you did right thing. Just be prepared for them to process on their own terms. Each child differently. Some may ask some may act uninterested. Some may comment at inopportune times.

As long as communication lines are kept open you are doing the best you can as a parent.

Besurot tovot and yeshuos and nechomos for all.

HonesttoGod

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 11:28 am

You did the right thing. If you even suspect for one second they’ll hear it in school or friends or neighbors or even from you in passing, best to approach it head on and tell them.