How to entertain her?

amother

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 9:03 am

My daughter is eleven.
She doesn't like most of activitoes and is constantly bored. When offered to do things together, she will say no to most of them, but will wander around being bored and picking at other kids.

Does anyone else have such a child and what do you do with them?

Even if we are going out for a walk, she won't be willing to go but then she will be at home all bored.

She is now in daycamp and the other day one madricha played a game with all girls. My dd said she didn't want to play, but then asked another madricha to offer something else to her because the madricha didn't seem busy.

The madricha said, go play a game.

Dd complained how it was boring and ill-planned, but as far as I remember madrichim never offer a second option for activities. I don't remember ever opting out of an activity in a camp and expecting to be entertained instead, when I was a camper.

Anyway, does she seem entitled to anyone else but me and what would you do?

amother

Oldlace

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 9:08 am

Does your DD like to read or draw or do puzzles? If they let her sit out the activities she doesn't like, you could send her with a backup activity she can do alone. A few books to read, markers and a notebook, a book of mazes or puzzles.

My DD is not like yours exactly, but she dislikes a few camp activities, like certain sports. So she's allowed to read or draw instead if she wants.

amother

Lightgreen

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 9:08 am

Yeah it's a little entitled. At her age she should understand that when she's in a place like camp she can join the group activity or sit on the side. She can't expect them to come up with a special activity for her. But it has to start at home. You can't spend the day filling her time. Kids are allowed to be bored, it helps them figure out how to entertain themselves. My go to when my 10 year old says she's bored is to say you can read, you can help me with chores, or figure out something else.

amother

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 9:49 am

amother [ Snapdragon ] wrote:

Is she an anxious kid?

I do think she is.

I also think if she wants attentionx what could I do? She mostly doesn't want to go for a walk, draw together, play a sport, read a book together.

We sometimes cook together and she would agree to go eat ice cream, but that can't be happening as often as she needs attention and O also try and do activities that don't necessarily involve eating.

My other kids would agree to accompany me on an outing as a one-on-one thing, but she won't.

amother

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 9:52 am

amother [ Lightgreen ] wrote:

That's what I do. Today I made her help me with chores.
She also would just bake something but it messes up the kitchen and sometimes noone ends up eating what she makes, which is chaval.
But if it's milky and everyone had meat, and on the next day it gets forgotten, and then it's too old...

Bit mostly she would just wander around and bug me until I let her watch endless stupid videos till its time to go to bed.

Chayalle

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 10:01 am

To some degree, children have to be their own entertainment. No one has to provide them with another option, as long as there are books, games, art material, etc...that they can use to entertain themselves.

OTOH to the extent possible we make time for our kids and give them attention.

There has to be a balance. There are times you tell your child that you are sorry, Mommy needs to (make dinner, take care of the baby, etc...) and you need to entertain yourself right now. Constant finding activities for your 11 year old is not part of your job description. At the same time, you also make time for her whenever you can, play a game, take her with you to run errands, shmooze, read together, or whatever else works to make her feel loved and special.

Put the ball in her court and ask her what kind of activities AROUND THE HOUSE (not including going out for icecream and pizza) she would like to be doing with you.

amother

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 10:03 am

amother [ Oldlace ] wrote:

She would only do these things together with me.

As far as camp is concerned, I just told her that it is what it is. She seemed to be more content on following days.

She is also really reluctant to try out new things, activities, places.
Maybe it is extra difficult to me because I am a complete opposite.

groovy1224

Fri, Jul 02 2021, 10:05 am

Can you make a rule with her that in camp, she needs to try the activity for 15 ( or whatever number you feel is appropriate) minutes before deciding she doesn't like it?

At home, maybe you can make a list with her of 'boredom activities.' The next time she says she's bored and want to be entertained, she has to pick one and try it. Let her choose some new crafts or puzzles and add those to the list so she'll have something new to do.