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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Stop pointing out the dirt in my pool
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amother
Garnet


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 3:14 pm
op, I dont agree with some posters here.

I agree with you that these ppl shld be appreciative that you are hosting them at your pool and giving them a good time. for them to start criticizing is not only them being ungrateful but they are showing how negative they are as they are looking at the glass being empty instead of full, and nobody wants to be around those ppl who are so judgemental and criticize everything instead of saying "thank you so much for this opportunity to swim/enjoy....".
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amother
Peru


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 3:31 pm
amother [ DarkYellow ] wrote:
Wow. Judgemental.

She has a right to complain about this. If you feel triggered, get off the thread she started and try to entertain yourself with other more important things.

I am neither triggered (are you?) nor did I say that op cant complain. But if she is putting her complaint on imamother then she can expect a different perspective which is what I gave her. Everything I said stands and I hope this friend/family member complaining about the pool (or maybe that person was just trying to be helpful by pointing out that the pool needs to be cleaned) is op's greatest problem in life.
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amother
Honeysuckle


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 3:33 pm
Many posters on ima are socialists.
This seriously happens again and again.

How dare you have more than someone else? How dare you complain about other people draining you and your possessions. You owe it to society to share your all with the people that don’t have the same. It doesn’t matter if you work your butt off and bring in an income that affords you this lifestyle and the other person makes no effort to do such. How dare you not share your property with the biggest joy?!?

Really guys?!?!

This topic is the epitome of a kafui tov. Not a new concept. OP you do not have to host them ever again. Especially if it was for free. If it was a paying renter it would maybe be a different conversation.

I would also be very bothered.
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amother
Daphne


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 3:36 pm
amother [ Peru ] wrote:
Its in the middle of the three weeks right before Tisha B'av, we are still missing people from a collapsed building, covid is still ongoing, the world has seen lots of suffering and you are complaining about someone making a comment about your pool? Be grateful that you have a nice house with a pool, friends and families that are alive and well and dont take it personally that someone commented about your pool. May Moshiach come in zchus of you accepting a little critique about your pool without getting offended or ending a relationship over it. #firstworldproblems


We're still allowed to vent about our problems even if bigger things are going on in the world. One has nothing to do with the other, we're still allowed to feel our feelings. There will always be people with bigger problems than us, that doesn't make our problems null and void.
It's extremely annoying to have people over and they have the audacity to complain. It's very rude and upsetting.
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amother
DarkYellow


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 3:38 pm
amother [ Peru ] wrote:
I am neither triggered (are you?) nor did I say that op cant complain. But if she is putting her complaint on imamother then she can expect a different perspective which is what I gave her. Everything I said stands and I hope this friend/family member complaining about the pool (or maybe that person was just trying to be helpful by pointing out that the pool needs to be cleaned) is op's greatest problem in life.


You don't get to dictate to others what to be grateful for.

Let me see you going about life without a single complaint in your heart as Its in the middle of the three weeks right before Tisha B'av, we are still missing people from a collapsed building, covid is still ongoing, the world has seen lots of suffering

You were not kind. It doesn't matter what another human is upset about, they deserve empathy regardless of what's going on in the world and if you have some constructive criticism to share, do so gently.

As for me being triggered, I don't really care for this topic but I care when I see posters working on another posters middos. So yes, I will point it out.
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amother
Antiquewhite


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 3:41 pm
Sometimes it's actually helpful for first world problem venters to get a bit of perspective aka a reality check.
I agree with peru.
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amother
Daphne


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 4:07 pm
amother [ Antiquewhite ] wrote:
Sometimes it's actually helpful for first world problem venters to get a bit of perspective aka a reality check.
I agree with peru.


It's not a reality check. Bigger problems don't make our problems any less of a problem. It can bother me that my guests complain about my house even if there are bigger problems in the world. We're entitled to our feelings even if there's alot going on.
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amother
Mintcream


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 4:12 pm
The pool thing really depends on the tone. If someone has a bug phobia or is actually offering to remove the leaf from the pool and asking for the net it's perfectly understandable.
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nechamashifra




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 4:36 pm
amother [ Honeysuckle ] wrote:
Many posters on ima are socialists.
This seriously happens again and again.

How dare you have more than someone else? How dare you complain about other people draining you and your possessions. You owe it to society to share your all with the people that don’t have the same. It doesn’t matter if you work your butt off and bring in an income that affords you this lifestyle and the other person makes no effort to do such. How dare you not share your property with the biggest joy?!?

Really guys?!?!

This topic is the epitome of a kafui tov. Not a new concept. OP you do not have to host them ever again. Especially if it was for free. If it was a paying renter it would maybe be a different conversation.

I would also be very bothered.


Everyone has the right to own a house, a pool and a beachfront cottage and not share it with society...that's not the point. If you're going to have guests over, don't have an attitude of "they should be thankful to be on my property" - they're either your guests/friends or they're your charity cases....they can't be both.
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amother
Wallflower


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 4:45 pm
I even hated when renters were critical, which is why I no longer rent out my pool. It’s not a good feeling. It really feels like someone is telling you your house is messy. I totally get you OP.
(Renters didn’t complain my pool was dirty, I kept it clean, but they had other complaints, usually things they were told about upfront, and I so hated the entitled attitude. Just because you are paying someone doesn’t give you the right to be downright rude.)
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 5:40 pm
amother [ Viola ] wrote:

Being a guest can be just as much a favor as hosting guests.


Not when the guest is rude.
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 6:33 pm
[quote="amother [ Viola ]"
Being a guest can be just as much a favor as hosting guests.[/quote]

Not really.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 6:38 pm
There's also people who stop in unannounced and then offer cleaning suggestions.

You have to have thick skin to be a kind person.
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 7:05 pm
Of course it’s a favor to let people come over and use your pool. Renting a pool or joining a swim club is expensive.
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GetReal




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 7:06 pm
nechamashifra wrote:
Everyone has the right to own a house, a pool and a beachfront cottage and not share it with society...that's not the point. If you're going to have guests over, don't have an attitude of "they should be thankful to be on my property" - they're either your guests/friends or they're your charity cases....they can't be both.


If someone came over and asked why your house is so messy you would smile and thank them for coming?
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 7:10 pm
How many people are complaining about the dirt in your pool?
(From your wording it sounds continuous.)

Who knows, if quite a few people are telling you the same thing, it might really be filthy...

😉 JK just had to say it


Last edited by amother on Tue, Dec 21 2021, 5:40 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Mintcream


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 7:12 pm
GetReal wrote:
If someone came over and asked why your house is so messy you would smile and thank them for coming?

No. But if they said "eek a bug got in here!" then yes.
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amother
Daphne


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 7:14 pm
nechamashifra wrote:
Everyone has the right to own a house, a pool and a beachfront cottage and not share it with society...that's not the point. If you're going to have guests over, don't have an attitude of "they should be thankful to be on my property" - they're either your guests/friends or they're your charity cases....they can't be both.


If someone invites themselves over, the least they can do is not criticize the hosts. It's just downright rude. Even invited guests should be thankful and respectful.
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bnm




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 8:20 pm
'XYZ pool is bigger' I reply go there next time. "my daughter/neighbor/step son's third wife's brother has a heater' I say then why are you here? "there are too many people here, why are all these people here?" Because I didn't invite you, I invited them.


If its not the pool they compare the lawn or whatever. If you don't have a lawn you don't get to compare my lawn with anyone else's.
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amother
Junglegreen


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 9:17 pm
I'm always embarrassed when my kids comment on the leaves and bugs in a neighbor of mines pool. They use their vacuum every day but, well, things naturally get in! It really bothers my kids as they are very scared of bugs and the leaves look like bugs... It takes them forever to get into their pool and have a good time. After a while they get used to it and ignore it and they always ask to go back again the next day. It really bothers me when they mention this is front of our host who is being so gracious by having us and I sincerely hope she isn't offended by their comments, though I would definitely be! I try to explain that bugs and leaves live outside and so does the poll but well.. Kids... I just hope she hears me talk about how it's all natural and there's nothing to do as much as she hears their comments Sad [quote]
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