Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children
I'm the worst mother. 3yo cursing.
  Previous  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Salmon


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 9:32 pm
Change it to fiddlesticks ASAP. Use "fiddlesticks" a lot. Hope he catches on.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 9:34 pm
We tried to replace the word with a silly word, but that didn't catch on.
Back to top

rubyred




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 9:42 pm
amother [ Pistachio ] wrote:
Exactly, which enforces my point to not punish the child for doing something they learnt from their parents.


The parent doesn’t need to be punished because they understand they were in the wrong and hasn’t used the word in a couple months. She has been modeling good behavior which hasn’t changed anything. It seems like people on this forum do not agree that punishment will help with behavior change. It works for my two year old and he is a very happy and personable kid who loves his mommy very much.
Back to top

amother
Olive


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 10:15 pm
I have a playgroup and one of the children started saying "what the hell!" from time to time. I am used to disciplining "bathroom words" but this was really beyond the scope of my experience. I chose to ignore it as it was at the very end of the year and I didn't want to bring it to the other children's attention though I was petrified they would start repeating it themselves. I did not want to tell his mother as she would surely be embarrassed. What do you think I should have done?
Back to top

amother
DarkPurple


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 10:22 pm
I'm going to offer you out of the box advice based on the way you are describing the situation.

He seems to have an amazing memory so I would go about it by making a new "curse word". Like "sunshine" or "rainbow". Use it in front of him a lot. Gently correct him off the real one to the fake one. It should become a replacement and then hopefully the other real one will go away. It will be easier to get him to stop saying something that other kids will look at as "why are you saying that" at a later date.

FYI, the brain uses a different location to curse than the location for regular speech. The "curse center of the brain" provides emotional reinforcement to keep on. I say this technique to get rid of the cursing because of his young age & super smarts & how (pretty) long it has been going on for.
Back to top

1ofbillions




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 10:49 pm
amother [ Olive ] wrote:
I have a playgroup and one of the children started saying "what the hell!" from time to time. I am used to disciplining "bathroom words" but this was really beyond the scope of my experience. I chose to ignore it as it was at the very end of the year and I didn't want to bring it to the other children's attention though I was petrified they would start repeating it themselves. I did not want to tell his mother as she would surely be embarrassed. What do you think I should have done?



‘What the hell’ is a relatively innocent phrase. I wouldn’t be so horrified by it.


Last edited by 1ofbillions on Mon, Jul 05 2021, 1:04 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top

amother
Pistachio


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 11:04 pm
rubyred wrote:
The parent doesn’t need to be punished because they understand they were in the wrong and hasn’t used the word in a couple months. She has been modeling good behavior which hasn’t changed anything. It seems like people on this forum do not agree that punishment will help with behavior change. It works for my two year old and he is a very happy and personable kid who loves his mommy very much.


You punish a 2 year old? Oh god!
I do believe in time out when it's warranted, not when a kid is imitating the behavior of their parents.
Back to top

amother
Clear


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 11:13 pm
I had to laugh at your OP bc, my kids too. I'm also fairly certain my 4y has said the F word in actual school. Or at the very least, words like hell, ****, darn. (the F word is from my husband and yes I've yelled at him about it)

Listen it's not ideal. But it's life. Just stop saying it. Then use a new word. Then when he says the F word, say, you know mommy used to say that but it's not nice so I stopped. And don't give it further attention.
Back to top

amother
Camellia


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 11:21 pm
amother [ Pistachio ] wrote:
You punish a 2 year old? Oh god!
I do believe in time out when it's warranted, not when a kid is imitating the behavior of their parents.


What’s the difference if they’re imitating your behavior or someone else’s? This sounds like your own guilt talking.
Back to top

chanatron1000




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 11:38 pm
"Loudly ignoring" can be effective if a child exhibits bad behavior when angry. If he learns that when he uses this word, he never gets attention and never gets what he wants, he might stop using it.
Back to top

amother
Pistachio


 

Post Sun, Jul 04 2021, 11:57 pm
amother [ Camellia ] wrote:
What’s the difference if they’re imitating your behavior or someone else’s? This sounds like your own guilt talking.


The difference is that parents are supposed to be a role model for their kids and we're supposed to teach them right from wrong. When our kid imitates something we did wrong, we have no right to punish them for it because we taught them this behavior.
Bh no guilt here, how does guilt even come in here?
Back to top

rubyred




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:01 am
amother [ Pistachio ] wrote:
You punish a 2 year old? Oh god!
I do believe in time out when it's warranted, not when a kid is imitating the behavior of their parents.


Why do you sound so shocked?
Back to top

amother
Pistachio


 

Post Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:08 am
rubyred wrote:
Why do you sound so shocked?


A 2 year old is a baby. I'm shocked that someone would punish a 2 year old.
Back to top

amother
Teal


 

Post Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:31 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thank you for your kind words... I know it is always a possibility that our kids will pick up on these things, but still, I should have stayed on a higher standard than some lady at Target. (And how is it that we don't hear these people's kids walking around cursing at age 3?)


I think you're amazing how you are facing yourself....don't beat yourself up now. you did teshuva. the end. you can even tell your son something like- well Mommy is really sorry I used that word, cuz I realize now it's a real icky word. but your son is also really little, the more attention he gets for it the more he'll love using it. can you pretend you didn't hear? like play deaf when he uses it....moms don't have to hear everything..
and don't worry about your MIL, you can say something generic, like, yeah, crazy what kids pick up these days....
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 05 2021, 6:10 am
amother [ DarkPurple ] wrote:

FYI, the brain uses a different location to curse than the location for regular speech. The "curse center of the brain" provides emotional reinforcement to keep on. I say this technique to get rid of the cursing because of his young age & super smarts & how (pretty) long it has been going on for.


This is absolutely true.

Another thing, is that the F word is phonetically pleasing. It's one syllable, and it has a sort of sharp, explosive feel to it. It's a release of pent up tension. Words like "duck" and "truck" are good substitutes. "What the duck is going on around here?" "Back the truck up!"

When you stimulate the "cursing" part of the brain, your get a surge of endorphins, which feel good and help take away the anger or frustration. There's definitely a biochemical feedback loop.

(My parents were super, super strict, and we weren't even allowed to say "gosh" or "darn". That was annoying, because sometimes life just calls for these kinds of expressions.)
Back to top

amother
Lemon


 

Post Mon, Jul 05 2021, 8:06 am
amother [ Pistachio ] wrote:
You punish a 2 year old? Oh god!
I do believe in time out when it's warranted, not when a kid is imitating the behavior of their parents.


If children aren't in time outs before 2 you will deal with a really hard terrible 2s.
Back to top

amother
Pistachio


 

Post Mon, Jul 05 2021, 8:56 am
amother [ Lemon ] wrote:
If children aren't in time outs before 2 you will deal with a really hard terrible 2s.


OH EM GEE!!! Oh god! This is the most absurd comment ever. I have no words for a parent that punishes their BABIES!!! I don't know any normal parent that puts their 1 YEAR OLD BABY in time out! Oh god! If a toddler will be terrible at 2, they'll be so regardless if they're punished before age 2 or not!
I have never punished a toddler and bh they're normal good toddlers. They didn't/aren't doing anything crazy.
Back to top

amother
Lemon


 

Post Mon, Jul 05 2021, 8:57 am
amother [ Pistachio ] wrote:
OH EM GEE!!! Oh god! This is the most absurd comment ever. I have no words for a parent that punishes their BABIES!!! I don't know any normal parent that puts their 1 YEAR OLD BABY in time out! Oh god! If a toddler will be terrible at 2, they'll be so regardless if they're punished before age 2 or not!
I have never punished a toddler and bh they're normal good toddlers. They didn't/aren't doing anything crazy.


I start timeouts at 12 months in a playpen. They don't have tantrums and understand no so no terrible 2s.
Back to top

rubyred




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 05 2021, 9:03 am
amother [ Pistachio ] wrote:
A 2 year old is a baby. I'm shocked that someone would punish a 2 year old.


My son is incredibly verbal and intelligent. I see the rare times I use time outs working for him, so I feel very comfortable continuing this parenting method.
Back to top

amother
Pistachio


 

Post Mon, Jul 05 2021, 9:04 am
amother [ Lemon ] wrote:
I start timeouts at 12 months in a playpen. They don't have tantrums and understand no so no terrible 2s.

Why do you put a 12 month old in timeout? For behaving like a 12 month old?
So many 2 year olds aren't terrible 2's, including my kids. Some kids are harder than others but it has nothing to do with them being punished at 12 months old. By punishing a baby you're just training them to shut up and not behave their age. It doesn't necessarily mean that your son understands a no is a no, you've trained him that he can't behave is age. A baby is allowed to tantrum. Deal with it instead of shutting them up.
Back to top
Page 2 of 10   Previous  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Should I tell my kids that my mother has cancer?
by amother
11 Fri, Mar 22 2024, 3:17 pm View last post
Searching for Online Plus Size Cheap Mother Bride Dress
by amother
1 Thu, Mar 21 2024, 5:40 am View last post
How much should a mother be involved for older elementary ki
by amother
2 Sat, Mar 09 2024, 11:48 pm View last post
Looking for Gown Mother of Chosson Size 16/18 XXL 0 Tue, Mar 05 2024, 10:59 pm View last post
Things I wish every mother knew
by Yael
0 Tue, Feb 27 2024, 8:43 am View last post
by Yael