I'm the worst mother. 3yo cursing.

keym

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:20 am

nchr wrote:

In my personal experience the more punishment the quiter the child.

Also my pediatrician once said babies can have timeouts from 12,13 months and up, but I realized that a doctor is not a chinuch expert. Would I ask a chinuch expert about a medical issue?

Not my experience.
Maybe I have very willful, stubborn kids.
I used to punish when my older ones were younger. I used to potch, time-out. It's what I knew.
And then I realized that it was just making them defiant.
I said get into bed, they refused, I'd potch. They'd refuse, I'd potch again.
It's like they knew I had no more cards to play. And I knew it.
So I started reading and looking into other parenting methods to develop other cards to play. I'm not perfect, I'm working on it.

amother

Impatiens

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:21 am

amother [ Lemon ] wrote:

I start timeouts at 12 months in a playpen. They don't have tantrums and understand no so no terrible 2s.

Please, please tell me you are joking.

A one year old is a little baby. How can you abuse a little baby????

This is so horrific. Please get help, you cannot continue to abuse a baby.

keym

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:22 am

rubyred wrote:

Pleasant does not equal quiet. At least not in my case. He is very personable and even older kids love him. His playgroup morah called him a leader.

So what can an 18 month old or 2 year old do that deserves a timeout?

amother

Nemesia

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:23 am

rubyred wrote:

Where are you getting this information from? I’ve said nothing about punishing for tantrums. That was another poster. I’ve said nothing about shutting down emotions. I mentioned that my son has tantrums but he is generally pleasant to be around. He is just turning two and is incredibly emotionally expressive and even verbalizes some emotions too. My husband and I are very open with each other and express our emotions easily and encourage our son to do the same.

Maybe he's pleasant to be around despite your inappropriate discipline, not because of it...
Sounds like he's your first. Check back in a few years...

chanatron1000

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:24 am

Terrible twos are normal. It's not easy to deal with, but it's a sign of healthy development when a child around that age starts exploring all the different ways to misbehave.

gootlfriends

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:25 am

Unless a behavior is harmful, if its not appropriate we ignore it. Children do whatever it takes to get attention. I recently saw a post somewhere that its easier to catch a child misbehaving than behaving. I praise good behavior as often as possible. When an infant is learning to crawl we don't criticize them during the learning process. We praise them when they achieve it. Why should that change as they grow up? My 10 year old cleans up-anything- I praise her for being helpful. She helps with the baby, I praise her. When she was little I heard at a a parenting workshop that when you discipline you are emptying the bucket. Praise fills the bucket. Make sure to praise at least as much as you criticize. When the child uses bad language we ignore it and make sure we don't. Model good behavior. He will catch on. Also, you can ask him why he is angry, work on a healthy way for him to express himself. And we all make mistakes. Some more harmful than others. He is still young.

Zehava

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:34 am

rubyred wrote:

None of that justifies abuse

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:52 am

keym wrote:

So what can an 18 month old or 2 year old do that deserves a timeout?

If my 2 year old hits a sibling, I will tell him “no hitting” and put him by the wall. He learns he has to be removed from the situation if he’s not playing nicely. After a minute he comes out and apologizes.

I don’t put him in a playpen and I wouldn’t do this with a 1 year old. But I think a 2 year old can use this small time out to learn not to hit.

amother

Amaryllis

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:55 am

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

A different method that works is giving a ton of attention to the child that was hurt and ignoring the perpetrator.

"Oy, baby has a booboo. Booboo hurts? Kisses for baby. Oh Mommy loves baby so much!"

Totally ignoring the kid that hits.

Believe me they get the message.

Last edited by amother on Tue, Dec 21 2021, 8:58 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Ecru

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:14 am

SafeAtLast wrote:

And maybe I think that this is abusive. Ignoring a child is abusive. You ladies can’t come on here and start throwing around the abuse of word whenever you feel like it when it’s unwarranted. A three year old child who is using inappropriate language and is told multiple times not to use it is old enough to receive a consequence whether it’s a two minute time out or withholding a treat or something small to show a child that ignoring a parent multiple times has a consequence. This is not abuse! And calling it abuse is very hurtful to those who were really abused.

amother

Cerise

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:15 am

SafeAtLast wrote:

A child that misbehaves needs guidance. Not being ignored.

Zehava

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:15 am

amother [ Ecru ] wrote:

A. We’re saying putting a 12 month old in timeout is abusive which it is.
B. And chances are those posters who are saying it were really abused themselves.

chanatron1000

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:19 am

amother [ Cerise ] wrote:

A child that misbehaves needs guidance. Not being ignored.

Of course the child shouldn't be ignored completely. But ignoring the behavior at the moment it happens can be very effective. Guidance can be offered later.

amother

Lemon

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:21 am

amother [ Impatiens ] wrote:

Please, please tell me you are joking.

A one year old is a little baby. How can you abuse a little baby????

This is so horrific. Please get help, you cannot continue to abuse a baby.

What's abusive to put a child in a playpen with toys just to remove them from a misbehavior like throwing food or crying?

Zehava

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:25 am

amother [ Lemon ] wrote:

What's abusive to put a child in a playpen with toys just to remove them from a misbehavior like throwing food or crying?

There is no such thing as misbehavior at 12 months.
Throwing food and crying are both completely age-appropriate for a baby.
And you calling a 12 month old a child is just disturbing and makes them seem more mature than they actually are. Do you already have a newborn as well?

amother

Ecru

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:27 am

Zehava wrote:

A. We’re saying putting a 12 month old in timeout is abusive which it is.
B. And chances are those posters who are saying it were really abused themselves.

A. I disagree. Putting a 12 month old in a playpen for a short period of time after hitting or doing a behavior that they were told not to do after multiple warnings is not abusive.
B. Saying that posters who are saying that this behavior is abisoce were likely abused themselves is entirely absurd. Adults who are really abused as children wouldn’t be calling a time out for a 12 month old abusive! That is just ludicrous

amother

Ecru

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:29 am

Zehava wrote:

of course there is misbehavior at 12 months. A 12 month old is old enough to understand when your mother tells him or her “no”. If a particular offense is repeated multiple times then yes it is miss behavior ans a minor age appropriate consequence will have a great chance of success.

Zehava

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:30 am

amother [ Ecru ] wrote:

Oh really
Anyone care to chime in here?

Zehava

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:31 am

amother [ Ecru ] wrote:

There are no age-appropriate consequences for a baby.
And there is no use arguing with someone who clearly has no clue about brain development.