S/O owning a pool.

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

S/O owning a pool.

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amother

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 9:15 am

I recently moved to a house with a pool. And I must say, all of a sudden, people I haven’t kept up with in years, are my best friends now. All with the intention of using the pool.
How do I know this? All winter, I don’t hear from them. And then when the weather gets hot, they remember my number.
And it’s not only friends. It’s family too. Cousins. Siblings who we aren’t close to. All of a sudden they call me. Now if they would call me on a regular basis and we would be close, then sure. But we never hear from them. Just on the hottest days of the summer do they know to call.
I’m not even asking if I am mean or not. Sorry. But you can only come to the pool if you are invited. And the other thing is, I don’t have a pool house. If you need to go to the bathroom, they have to go in the house. And then leave a huge mess in the house.
So this is a PSA. I guess.
If someone you know has a pool. Don’t think it’s so easy for them to invite you. They probably hate me for not having them over but sorry…. Just cuz I have a pool, doesn’t make me your go to place. I have my own family who uses it, and if you guys come over, my girls or boys have to get out so you can swim.
Rant over. It’s just that I know this will become a regular occurrence and just trying to nip it in the bud

hodeez

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 9:18 am

I agree 💯. People can be so entitled it drives me bananas.

amother

Bisque

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 9:21 am

I have a summer home and really feel you on that. It maybe nicer than a bungalow and even have an extra bed or two but it’s still my safe place and my family’s home in the summer. It’s not a free hotel.

amother

Tulip

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 9:25 am

Did you offer an open invitation though? Like my cousin has a pool and we aren't close. But when I see her she'll say oh, you should bring your kids over to my pool sometime. So I would consider inviting ourselves over one day, that's what an open invitation is about. I wouldn't get offended if she said no though.

watergirl

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 9:28 am

OP, I’m confused. How do all of these people who you have not kept up with for years know that you have a pool?

amother

Canary

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 9:40 am

Ugh. I'd rather them straight out ask me to use the pool instead of pretending we should hang out and "do something". come over, use the pool, say thank you. dont be fake friending me.

amother

Cerise

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 9:49 am

OP, I relate to you as I'm in a similar situation.

I recently moved to an an area where there is a park with benches right outside my house. It's convenient for the children to play.

Suddenly friends started calling and expect to come to me which I have no problem but they then invite themselves over to my house and make a mess.

So my house is very convenient but otherwise, they don't bother keeping in touch.

I now only agree to meet up with friends who are always in touch and not the ones who use me to their benefit.

amother

Indigo

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 9:55 am

I wish more people reached out to me to use my pool. I would love to share!

Maybe I’m the odd one out

amother

Cyan

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 9:57 am

You need to have fun with it.
They say we should get together, you say great, let’s go to the zoo next week.
They say I haven’t been to your home in ages. You respond, I know I haven’t been to yours, should I come on Tuesday for lunch?

Mess with people a little. They deserve it and it’s fun!

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:06 am

My parents had a pool before the days of cell phones and they said friends would stop by, say they happened to be in the neighborhood, and just so happen to have towels and bathing suits with them 🤣🤣🤣

amother

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:34 am

To the person asking how they know we have a pool.
We were a group of mutual friends. One moved away, but still kept up with some of them from the old group. Then I moved closer to the person that originally moved. But I wasn’t one who kept up. But the minute she heard from one of the others that I am moving and have a pool, she called me. To congratulate me. And then didn’t hear from her again until the next summer on a hot day. Which was almost a year after the original congrats phone call.
And no. I never gave anyone an open invitation. My Shabbos guest get to enjoy the pool Friday and Sunday.
And if my kids want to have friends over, then they can for sure use the pool. But Stam people who I have nothing with. Or even that I do have with. Like family members, if they only know me for the pool, then that’s not the type of people I would want to invite.

mig100

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:48 am

amother [ Cyan ] wrote:

I like this Very Happy

amother

Brunette

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:02 am

I live in a town where lots of people have pools. Some rent it out for the hour or for groups. I’m not sure how they deal with family members, but perhaps you can say something like this and this time/day is when it’s open to friends my house will be off limits so please make sure you use the bathroom before you come.

ora_43

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:08 am

The solution: live in a random suburb, with no pool, trampoline, or guest accommodations worth being pushy over LOL

.

I think where I live is lovely, anyway. Quite close to the beach Cool

... but this is Israel, something like 1 in 3 people are close to the beach. Not enough to make me the cool friend.

Anyway. That sounds really annoying. Sorry people are being weird about your pool. Go ahead and tell them that you're busy, but maybe in a few weeks. Or that, sure, let's meet up at the park sometime. Whatever. No need to invite them and I'm sure they won't hate you if you don't, people like that aren't overly disappointed by a 'no,' they'll just move on to the next person with a conveniently located house/pool/whatever.

(and if a few of them were entitled enough to hate you, honestly, who cares? as long as they express it by dropping contact, sounds like it won't make any real difference to your life either way)

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