How I feel | Imamother

amother

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 6:03 pm

How to explain
How to express
How to make you feel
What I feel

The crushing weight
Fatigue and weakness
That ties my body down

Last week, I felt fine
I did my best.
Took my vitamins
And hydrated
Meditated
I felt normal
I had energy

Today, I feel awful
Like a train hit me
Dragging myself along
I do my best
Take my vitamins
And hydrate
Meditate...
Nothing doing.

All morning and afternoon
I sit, trying to refuel
Maybe sweet potato will do the trick.
Maybe watermelon?
Protein! Powerade! More vitamins!

Yet my body is a bottomless pit
Yawning open, swallowing every investment
And giving back nothing.

I have no energy to make calls
Even calls that could help
No energy to work
No focus
I push myself to be
Somewhat of a mommy.

A few days ago,
There was an incident
A minor shock to my system
A conflict
Which activated
My PTSD.

Could that be the reason?
Or is it unknown?
My body does this
At least once every two weeks or so.
My throat is sore,
Could it be a virus?
Could it be the heat?
It was hotter last week.
Could it be stress?
Who knows?

This constant weight
This endless shuffling dance
All the time
The questions pound
In my brain.

My equipment is not
Standard issue
And I don't even
Know why
And no one
Can understand
How can they
When I myself can't?

amother

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 7:41 pm

amother [ Arcticblue ] wrote:

Wow that's powerful! You are an excellent writer! Thanks for sharing. I hope and pray your struggles get easier quick! Sounds too tough to deal with. Thinking of you...

Thank you. I appreciate that.