Im Mortified!!! | Imamother

amother

NeonPurple

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 6:18 pm

Yes. mil should have knocked 10 minutes into he baby crying. Not have frantically walk d on after 20 mins.

I would have been very upset too.

It's only decent to knock first.

daagahminayin

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 6:59 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you!! Thats exactly what I would have done. I feel that walking in on us was a huge breach of privacy

It would be a big breach of privacy for me, too. I would have felt really uncomfortable. Even if she didn’t see that much, the fact that she could have is unsettling.

People are answering based on their own sense of privacy and how they feel about their MILs, and hair covering.

But no one has your relationship with your MIL, or your relationship to hair covering and privacy. Which are all perfectly valid.

She should have knocked. She didn’t have that sensitivity. She did have a sensitivity to your baby crying, and it came out of love, which I’m sure you know. But still made you very uncomfortable.

Also, the fact that she didn’t think twice about coming in meant that it’s no big deal for her… perhaps that could be a consolation to you. Sometimes it’s worse to be seen in an uncompromising position by people who also see it that way.

amother

Midnight

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 7:03 pm

Quote:

Im sure it happened sometimes that you slept through a babys crying but you woke up from your alarm

Nope. It happened that I slept through an alarm, but not my baby (that's sleeping in the same room.)

observer

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 9:27 pm

amother [ Papayawhip ] wrote:

My experience is the opposite. Parents who could sleep through an invasion wake up as soon as they hear a baby crying.

It seems that MIL tried to be discreet by waiting what I consider an extremely long time to allow a baby to cry, especially not at home. She was afraid that there was something seriously wrong with all of them.

Its lovely to sit at your desk and know that OP and her DH were fine, but didn't hear the baby for a prolonged time, although she could be heard in other parts of the house, and to concoct textbook perfect responses as to what MIL could have done. But that's not real life.

MIL did nothing wrong.

She was very wrong for not knocking first and/or calling the parents' names. OP wrote that mil said she did not knock.

observer

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 9:29 pm

imaima wrote:

It was HER room in HER house...
if she thought you were poisoned, there was no point in knocking.

When you host someone, you don't have rights to go into their room without knocking.

And even if she thought they were poisoned, she could have knocked at 19 minutes before going in at 20 minutes.

observer

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 9:40 pm

amother [ Bellflower ] wrote:

I had a similar situation from the other end. My brother and sister in law came to visit us for a few weeks over pesach with their kids including a young baby. The first night they stayed with us, late at night I heard the sound of their baby crying. At first I assumed they were dealing with her but it went on for a while… so I went up and knocked on my brother and sister in law’s door. They immediately got to and went to the baby. They must have been very sleep deprived from packing and traveling with their many kids ka”h so I totally understand how they didn’t hear the baby this one time (never happened any other night). The knock worked though. I can’t imagine walking in on a married couple without trying knocking first!!

This, 100%.

zaq

Wed, Jul 07 2021, 10:21 am

amother [ Bellflower ] wrote:

I can’t imagine walking in on a married couple without trying knocking first!!

I can't imagine walking in on anyone over the age of six, of any gender or marital status, without knocking first.

amother

Topaz

Wed, Jul 07 2021, 1:34 pm

amother [ Jasmine ] wrote:

She must have been totally panicked that the baby was screaming for 20 minutes. I would be.

I hear that, but instead of waiting until she was so panicked that all she could do was barge into the room, she should have banged on the door at 15 minutes or even 19 and a half minutes.