Im Mortified!!! | Imamother

amother

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 11:18 am

I was appreciative that she Cared and came to get the baby but doesn't take away how embarrassed I feel about her coming into my room unannounced.

She didn't knock she said so.

I'm married over 3 years and I'm as FFB as they come

amother

Papayawhip

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 11:29 am

amother [ Maize ] wrote:

It's a different kind of sound.

Parents get used to hearing their baby cry , but a knock on the door would be so novel, so unusual, it would wake them up.

My experience is the opposite. Parents who could sleep through an invasion wake up as soon as they hear a baby crying.

It seems that MIL tried to be discreet by waiting what I consider an extremely long time to allow a baby to cry, especially not at home. She was afraid that there was something seriously wrong with all of them.

Its lovely to sit at your desk and know that OP and her DH were fine, but didn't hear the baby for a prolonged time, although she could be heard in other parts of the house, and to concoct textbook perfect responses as to what MIL could have done. But that's not real life.

MIL did nothing wrong.

amother

Midnight

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 11:33 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You should feel more embarrassed that you didn't hear the baby for 20 minutes.
How old is the baby? Does he wake often at night and you're losing a lot of sleep?

amother

Violet

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 11:36 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Now that a few days have passed and I assume you've had time to think about the situation, which part are you still embarrassed about?

I still dont see why a MIL seeing your hair is embarrassing.

imaima

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 11:54 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It was HER room in HER house...
if she thought you were poisoned, there was no point in knocking.

PeanutMama

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 12:00 pm

Op totally understand why you’d be mortified. I’d quickly cover up my hair and take the baby if I was in your place. I think I’d be more embarrassed that my baby has been crying 20 min and hubby and I were both deeply asleep

Either way, your MIL should’ve knocked on the door first before knocking, then wait to see if you woke up, then if you didn’t, then she should’ve called out your names. Then went in.

What’s done is done tho.

Don’t stress about it

Just hair:) she could’ve seen much more worse heh.

amother

Hyssop

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 12:40 pm

Hahaha if this were your fifth baby you’d be upset your MIL didn’t take the baby with her to watch him/her and let you sleep, rather than be super concerned about your hair.

She’s a woman. She saw your hair. Big deal. There was no violation of halacha calm down.

amother

Bluebell

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 12:47 pm

Maybe it's my non-yeshivish-ness but me and my MIL and one of my married SILs have all seen each other's hair on purpose at least a few times in private residences. Like if it was early in the morning or a postpartum recovery situation, or helping each other with hair coverings in the early days of marriage. It's normal to me.

amother

Papayawhip

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 12:56 pm

While I am on record as saying that MIL did nothing wrong, we all feel what we feel. OP feels mortified. We can explain to her why it was OK for her MIL to do what she did, and why it doesn't violate halacha for her MIL to see her hair. But let's also empathize.

OP, the white noise machine may have been the culprit. It does nothing to disguise the crying to others in the house, but it might have to you. Maybe skip it next time.

mummy85

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 1:22 pm

I'm with OP. I would have been mortified. I would get over the hair part myself, but just the fact that she walked in would bother me.
I understand the baby was crying, but she could have banged for a second first...

amother

Violet

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 1:34 pm

ok so OP you said you didnt like that she "barged in"
so next time lock the door, sleep through the baby crying, let your MIL bang on the door until one of you gets up and wake up when you wake up.

thats what many posters here feel is the 'right' answer. so there ya go

watergirl

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 1:50 pm

Two (or more) things can be true at the same time. One does not cancel the other out.

Truth #1 - OP is embarrassed, and she is entitled to her feelings. It sounds like it was uncomfortable to live through!
Truth #2 - her MIL meant well and did what she believed she needed to do at the time.

The good news is this will simmer down on its own and next time I am sure OP and her husband will make sure they do not have something preventing them from hearing the baby cry. It is a bad feeling to be embarrassed, but it is ultimately ok. Move on from here, OP, and learn from it from all sides.

Sleepymama

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 2:34 pm

This is literally my worst nightmare.
I hope and pray that I will never sleep through my baby crying out for me. Every time we respond to their cries we are teaching our children that they are not alone and someone cares that they are crying and is there for them.
OP I hope you can figure out a way to hear your baby when he/she cries. It is scary that this happened and it could be dangerous.

BrisketBoss

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 2:46 pm

Sleepymama wrote:

Your SN clashes with your message. Wink

amother

Charcoal

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 2:53 pm

I would have been mortified too. Nobody sees my hair uncovered except DH and the mikvah lady, not even my own kids. If my MIL would walk into my room during the night, I would be both embarrassed and angry.

amother

Midnight

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 2:55 pm

amother [ Charcoal ] wrote:

When away from home, you need to either lock the door or make sure you're properly covered at all times.

amother

Impatiens

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 3:00 pm

amother [ Midnight ] wrote:

When away from home, you need to either lock the door or make sure you're properly covered at all times.

And that you don't sleep through a crying baby for 20 minutes. Very Happy

amother

Bellflower

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 3:54 pm

I had a similar situation from the other end. My brother and sister in law came to visit us for a few weeks over pesach with their kids including a young baby. The first night they stayed with us, late at night I heard the sound of their baby crying. At first I assumed they were dealing with her but it went on for a while… so I went up and knocked on my brother and sister in law’s door. They immediately got to and went to the baby. They must have been very sleep deprived from packing and traveling with their many kids ka”h so I totally understand how they didn’t hear the baby this one time (never happened any other night). The knock worked though. I can’t imagine walking in on a married couple without trying knocking first!!

amother

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 6:03 pm

amother [ Bellflower ] wrote:

Thank you!! Thats exactly what I would have done. I feel that walking in on us was a huge breach of privacy

amother

Tue, Jul 06 2021, 6:10 pm

This never happened before. We were exhausted from a long drive and my baby not wanting to go to sleep... going to sleep late.. There was no one else in the house besides for my other child who also had a noise machine on.
I dont understand why she couldnt knock! Even if its halachically allowed, I would never ever uncover for another women unless by the shaitelmacher so thats why I feel so embaressed that she saw my hair. But I am more embaressed by the fact that I could have been in any position she could have seen me in my pjs when most in my family wear nightgowns to bed. Why should I have to go to sleep fully tznius if maybe she'll walk in? Its not comfortable. The next night I nearly went to sleep with a head covering on in case she'd walk in but then I comforted myself that the door is locked.

I told her how guilty I felt that I didnt hear and that she felt she had to walk in but she couldnt understand why I felt so bad
And she never said how she felt bad she must have made us so awkward for knowing she walked in

Im sorry about the poster who feels it cant be that dh woke up just when she walked in. Im sure it happened sometimes that you slept through a babys crying but you woke up from your alarm