3 year old wants to be like baby

amother

Wed, Jul 07 2021, 9:29 am

My baby is a few months old but recently my (just turned) 3 year old starting whining like the baby whenever he wants something. Instead of using words he just kvetches exactly like the baby and doesn’t stop until we respond. He acts like the baby so if I want to get him dressed he’ll turn over on his belly to make it impossible. He also many times insists I hold him when I go downstairs even though I’m already carrying the baby.

He gets loads of attention and one on one time with us. He adores the baby.

How should I respond to this?

thunderstorm

Wed, Jul 07 2021, 9:32 am

It’s totally normal behavior. We don’t even have a baby in the house and my three year old does this. She wants to be called “baby” and treated like a baby. All my kids went through this phase. I tend to play along sometimes. I rock them like a baby and wrap them in a blanket like a baby etc. Eventually their need for being babied goes away.

amother

Wed, Jul 07 2021, 9:36 am

thunderstorm wrote:

I know it’s normal. Just not sure how to react to it. I should respond when he whines instead of using words like he used to? And what should I do when he wants me to carry him downstairs when I already have the baby in my arms?

I don’t mind indulging him but the whining does get annoying (I now have two kvetchy kids) and carrying a 3 year old down the stairs is impossible when I have a baby in my arms. And it’s hard to make two trips every time…

amother

Papayawhip

Wed, Jul 07 2021, 9:42 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’m insistent on big kids using words, otherwise I decide what it is they want to eat. (If they ask with words they can pick lunch, if they just whine I hand them a food and say if you don’t ask with words, I can’t know what you want. Baby just eats what I give him. Do you want to try using words?”

In terms of carrying- I just can’t so I give a big hug at the top of the stairs and let her hold my hand to walk down, and a big hug at the bottom and if she wants to sit on my lap for snuggles downstairs for a few minutes she can.

The little things like sitting in the highchair to eat or being spoon fed or being held sideways and rocked (“hold me like a baby!”) while I’m sitting I just give in to because it’s not a big enough battle to fight.

keym

Wed, Jul 07 2021, 9:45 am

Humor him. Baby him. Baby talk him. "Oh Moishy baby, come cuddle and Mama will feed you your bottle. Ooh who's a cute little baby".
He'll enjoy the game.
But if he rolls over onto his belly and it's hard, just say "oh Baby Moishy, Mommy is going to lay you on your back so I can get baby dressed. Oh you're too little you don't even know how to roll over."
My kids all loved playing this, but only for shortish spurts at a time.

amother

DarkCyan

Wed, Jul 07 2021, 9:49 am

Happened w my 2.5 year old too! Was expecting it to be at first, when baby came home but same story. Happened a couple of months in. And yes, like yours toddler was getting lots and lots of attention. At first I tried to gently shut it down, but it was getting me no where!!! So one day, I just straight up treated him like a baby. He woke up to his drink in a bottle, breakfast as farina, and me using "babytalk" I read him baby books only got him baby toys. No big boy snacks. Etc... At first he was playing along but after about an hour- my big boy reappeared. And if it happened again I reminded him I can make him a baby again. It was a harsh move but it worked.

anonymrs

Wed, Jul 07 2021, 9:49 am

So baby him. If he's not using words, give them to him. When he's whining, give him the words, oh you're saying, "mommy, can you please give me something to eat?" Or "mommy, I want you to hold me." Don't make him say it, you just say it and then respond to what you said as if child said it in a pleasant voice.

Rutabaga

Wed, Jul 07 2021, 9:51 am

Think about it from the 3 year old's perspective. He sees the baby getting lots of attention and never having to do anything for itself or getting reprimanded for bad behavior. If you call attention to the things he gets to do because he's a big boy then he will hopefully leave the babyish behavior behind. You can try to discuss with him what he can do that the baby can't, but it might work better to tell the baby no to certain things in the toddler's hearing. For example, "No baby, you're too little to play with that toy or color with that crayon. Only [Big Boy] can have that!" Or "No baby, you're too little to eat this special treat. Only [Big Boy] has enough teeth to eat that." And so on.

thunderstorm

Wed, Jul 07 2021, 10:06 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It’s not easy but I do talk to my child as if I’m talking back to a baby. I do carry her down the stairs etc. when she insists. This phase doesn’t last too long . She actually finds it amusing that I play along.

amother

Topaz

Wed, Jul 07 2021, 10:39 am

You don't have to "baby" him but you should definitely lean into his bids for your attention/affection. So you can't carry him down the stairs but you can pre-empt and ask him to hold your hand. "Let's hold hands and walk down together. I want to hold your hand!"

When he turns on his belly you can flip him over and tickle his belly and show him some attention while he's dressing without fully dressing him as if he was an infant.

He doesn't want to be a baby. He wants to be loved like the baby is loved. Also make sure he gets face time with baby. My newborns all join the family ASAP. They get in the bed for supervised snuggles with their big brothers no matter the age. So this morning my newborn (5 days old) already had a snuggle session with his brothers ranging 2-5 yrs old. It was fully supervised. But why keep all that oxytocin to myself?!?! Better to spread those love and bonding hormones.

Even my whiner is now gaining his confidence as a beloved and never forgotten member of the family while also being a big brother who is besotted with his new baby.

I don't ask for help with the baby really. No fetching stuff. They don't need to be big helpers. Although when they see me struggle they offer. I make sure they know baby is here to be one of them, not master of the house lol.

SuperWify

Wed, Jul 07 2021, 11:19 am

amother [ DarkCyan ] wrote:

Ouch. A 2.5 is a baby and what he did was perfectly normal and she-appropriate.

My 4 year old did this after my baby was born. We gave him “baby time” (let him go into the baby’s grade, coped at him ect.) and he loved it bh. It stopped soon afterwards.

Last edited by SuperWify on Wed, Jul 07 2021, 11:25 am; edited 1 time in total

SuperWify

Wed, Jul 07 2021, 11:23 am

amother [ Celeste ] wrote:

Try making fun of the baby a little bit. The baby won't mind.

I’m sorry, what????
Let’s teach our children to make fun of each other.

The “advice” on this thread is getting more and more bizarre.

amother

Celeste

Wed, Jul 07 2021, 12:09 pm

I don't mean actually making fun of the baby. I mean saying things like "Sorry, baby, you're not big enough to have a real snack yet. Don't be too jealous of 3yo even though he gets to eat grown up food and you have to eat mush" or "No, baby, you're too little to walk! You can't go on walks with Mommy until you're big like 3yo!"