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What to consider when moving after divorce?

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jul 08 2021, 9:44 am
I'm posting in the parenting forum because my question is primarily about my children: What are the most important considerations when planning a move in such circumstances? (no family support)
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amother




Tomato
 

Post Thu, Jul 08 2021, 9:49 am
I did it. And even though I was warned it would be hard for my kids I didn’t have a choice.
He kept the house and we are in a small apartment. It is very hard for my kids.
( not so much for me. ) ( The hard part for me is them having a hard rime and him keeping the house with his nee family!)
If I could I would try to make it as nice and as big as possible for them. Involve them in it.
I did make it fun when we got here. I hid dollars around for them to find and explore. But long term they complain a lot. ( Just as I was warned)
Sorry for not being able to cushion it.
I did move to a better neighborhood near friends etc. but the loss of the house itself is an issue and a loss for them.
So whatever you can do to make it easier for them I would.
Talking to myself here too.
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jul 08 2021, 9:53 am
I did it also. Before you move, make sure you are moving within the distance you are allowed to as per your agreement.
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jul 08 2021, 9:58 am
The community you move to should be one that does not socially or institutionally marginalize unmarried women. ie. Single mothers can be members of the shul, etc.
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essie14




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jul 08 2021, 10:00 am
NotInNJMommy wrote:
The community you move to should be one that does not socially or institutionally marginalize unmarried women. ie. Single mothers can be members of the shul, etc.

I think this is the most important factor.
I don't know your hashkafa, OP, but you should try to move somewhere where being a single mom doesn't make you a freak show.
Somewhere your kids will have friends who are also from single parent homes.
A welcoming shul, etc.
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amother




Seablue
 

Post Thu, Jul 08 2021, 10:00 am
I moved from a house to an apartment. My kids were young so it was not so bad although they did bring up missing the house. I did things like moving the 2.5 year old into a bed from a crib and having the kids share a room in the house so it wouldnt be a major change when we moved. It is a hard time and it is important to validate their feelings and your own as well. As my kids therapist explained "how can I expect to properly validate my child if im not validating myself?" Once we adjusted it was nice. I did things like have shalash seudot outside as a picnic in the courtyard and go on walking adventures exploring our new area to make it fun.
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amother




Seablue
 

Post Thu, Jul 08 2021, 10:02 am
NotInNJMommy wrote:
The community you move to should be one that does not socially or institutionally marginalize unmarried women. ie. Single mothers can be members of the shul, etc.

There was a shul near us that had parent learning vs. Avos ubanim (only fathers)
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