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Do all therapists take your $ and leave you hanging?
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notshanarishona




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 8:01 am
A therapist who you see for months or years will typically respond for a regular client. A therapist who you saw one time is not going to respond to continual messages. Also therapists are not really there for advice as a one time thing - they are more in the role of helping you figure out a healthy choice. Therapists are very different than askanim and for the most part are doing it for income and no such a thing as Just getting advice.
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amother




SandyBrown
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 8:10 am
amother [ Moccasin ] wrote:
My own therapists never gave “advice” though they did help me by hearing me talk and reflecting back different things that I said and pointing out things about what I said. But no out right advice really.


This. Therapists don’t give advice. Maybe that’s the issue; you don’t seem to understand the role of a therapist. And therefore yes, you will be left hanging since you are expecting something out of line with the profession
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 8:13 am
I would also recommend that you discuss with your therapist what kind of communication she allows between sessions, and how quickly you can expect a response from her.
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amother




Moccasin
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 8:14 am
notshanarishona wrote:
A therapist who you see for months or years will typically respond for a regular client. A therapist who you saw one time is not going to respond to continual messages. Also therapists are not really there for advice as a one time thing - they are more in the role of helping you figure out a healthy choice. Therapists are very different than askanim and for the most part are doing it for income and no such a thing as Just getting advice.

Great post
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 8:35 am
Chayalle wrote:
I would also recommend that you discuss with your therapist what kind of communication she allows between sessions, and how quickly you can expect a response from her.

This. Discuss with her in person or over the phone.
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amother




Lightblue
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 8:39 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Good morning!
I'm really angry,
I payed money to this therapist to help my son and I payed for the session, and now as guidance for a decision for next year this therapist won't answer me Mad
I feel like it's a business this whole thing
Why can't there be a follow-up up for the parent??
Why do I feel like I am left hanging and need to go ask advice from someone else now regarding this issue?? Punch


It IS a business this whole thing.

Most therapists aren't looking to do you any favors .It is important to realize that before you get involved with them and view them accordingly

That said if your son only met her once don't expect any major time from her
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 8:51 am
Therapists are not there to provide advice. I would actually be turned off and not feel comfortable with a therapist that doled out advice. That’s not their job. Also, therapy takes time to establish a relationship with the client so that they could see what type of work the client needs to do in therapy. Nothing happens after one or two sessions.
If you need advice, then someone in chinuch or a moreh derech can provide some advice.
It’s not clear what you are trying to gain from therapy.
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amother




Moccasin
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 8:54 am
Another thing to consider: if it’s a teen they need to establish trust with the teen and may have their own protocols about how often and how much they speak to the mom
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amother




Lightgray
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 8:58 am
I’m a mother of a teen who was in therapy for awhile. My daughter had the most amazing therapist. She literally saved her life. And ours. Having said that, I found this ignoring texts to be very typical behavior of her therapist for the most part. In the beginning it was extremely frustrating and made us very angry. We were paying boat loads of money we didn’t have to the therapist and couldn’t get guidance or answers on important matters that we needed guidance on. But looking back now I realize a few things-
1. Most parents of teens in therapy need lots of guidance and the therapists can not be busy answering all the time.
2. If this sounds heartless- For us parents it’s very emotional. The therapist needs to be able to separate herself somewhat and therefore may seem heartless when not responding to every very important thing that comes up.
3. I found that whenever there was a crisis she was immediately available to help

What we ended up setting up with her was a quick 15 min session every week which I paid for where I can ask all questions and get guidance on how to deal with things. This worked well for us. Yes I paid her more money but I also knew that whatever came up I had my time with her to ask whatever I needed.

I’ve heard this ignoring is very typical of therapists. I think they probably get bombarded a lot from clients and parents of younger clients. I still don’t like it but they aren’t askanim who are offering their life to the Klal. I think it is what it is.
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amother




Moccasin
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 9:13 am
amother [ Lightgray ] wrote:
I’m a mother of a teen who was in therapy for awhile. My daughter had the most amazing therapist. She literally saved her life. And ours. Having said that, I found this ignoring texts to be very typical behavior of her therapist for the most part. In the beginning it was extremely frustrating and made us very angry. We were paying boat loads of money we didn’t have to the therapist and couldn’t get guidance or answers on important matters that we needed guidance on. But looking back now I realize a few things-
1. Most parents of teens in therapy need lots of guidance and the therapists can not be busy answering all the time.
2. If this sounds heartless- For us parents it’s very emotional. The therapist needs to be able to separate herself somewhat and therefore may seem heartless when not responding to every very important thing that comes up.
3. I found that whenever there was a crisis she was immediately available to help

What we ended up setting up with her was a quick 15 min session every week which I paid for where I can ask all questions and get guidance on how to deal with things. This worked well for us. Yes I paid her more money but I also knew that whatever came up I had my time with her to ask whatever I needed.

I’ve heard this ignoring is very typical of therapists. I think they probably get bombarded a lot from clients and parents of younger clients. I still don’t like it but they aren’t askanim who are offering their life to the Klal. I think it is what it is.

Two points:
1- I agree with setting up a session to speak- I did that for myself when my son was in therapy and it was so helpful! Having said that- he was younger, I’m not sure what I would do with a teen in therapy- it’s definitely stickier.

2- not all therapists ignore you! Both my sons therapist and my own current therapist are great with responding! I respect their boundaries and don’t over do it but they are wonderful with responding so it’s for sure the individual therapist! Even my previous therapist who was more reticent would not completely ignore me.
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amother




Moccasin
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 9:14 am
Hey OP- I have an idea- would this work? why dont you find your own therapist who can help you navigate all this?

It could be very helpful
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amother




Banana
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 9:29 am
Therapist here. I’m not completely clear about what happened here, but I don’t think a therapist should ignore you. Did you send a follow up text? I think the reason therapists may not respond to a text is because many of us do not have secretaries and often use our personal phones as our business phones, and therefore it can be hard to manage something like texts. I went to a therapist who told me from the beginning that she is not good with texting and so even if sometimes my texts go ignored, I came in knowing that she really prefers not to text. Personally I won’t provide therapy or advice via texting, but I will respond that we can speak (either a brief call or a meeting if necessary). I think ignoring is wrong, and unless a therapist told you upfront that she doesn’t text, I would hope that she just missed the text or didn’t have a chance to respond right away and then forgot. We’re only human after all.
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amother




Nemesia
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 9:30 am
This thread is very confusing. Your title and your post are two different things.
I’ll try to say this gently but I’m sorry I’m advance if it hurts you.
I think you don’t really have an understanding of what therapy is.
For a one time question you go to a smart person, a rav, or someone who knows your child well like their uncle or teacher.
Therapy is an ongoing thing where you learn a lot about yourself, therapists are not here to give advice.
It’s very possible that this therapist sees you as someone who is harassing them. Be careful. Most therapists I know do not communicate by text aside from scheduling stuff.
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amother




Cerise
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 9:34 am
I'm truly sorry for your painful experience.
The sad reality is that therapists generally give of their time only if they're getting paid for their time.
And this is generally how they operate:
If a client wants advice the client needs to schedule a session and pay for it. The session has a clear start time and end time
If there's a question after the session, schedule another session and ask the question then. Therapists generally want to get paid for every hour of the time they spend with you.
If you're a long term client, or a regular client coming weekly, they may under rare circumstances offer a brief , very brief, out-of-office exchange if absolutely necessary. Therapists are not askanim. They're not public service people. They're here to make money. If you're not paying for their time they won't talk to you. That's the sad reality.
Welcome to the real world. Sad
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amother




Moccasin
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 9:37 am
amother [ Cerise ] wrote:
I'm truly sorry for your painful experience.
The sad reality is that therapists generally give of their time only if they're getting paid for their time.
And this is generally how they operate:
If a client wants advice the client needs to schedule a session and pay for it. The session has a clear start time and end time
If there's a question after the session, schedule another session and ask the question then. Therapists generally want to get paid for every hour of the time they spend with you.
If you're a long term client, or a regular client coming weekly, they may under rare circumstances offer a brief , very brief, out-of-office exchange if absolutely necessary. Therapists are not askanim. They're not public service people. They're here to make money. If you're not paying for their time they won't talk to you. That's the sad reality.
Welcome to the real world. Sad


Goodness!
I feel so sorry that that was your experience!

My therapist is so different than that!
They are out there and you just need to find them!

Also/ why is it sad for them to be wanting to make money? Don’t we all?
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amother




Cerise
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 9:41 am
thunderstorm wrote:
Therapists are not there to provide advice.

I think it's accepted practice for a therapist to offer an "opinion" aka "professional opinion" . So maybe op called it advice, but meant opinion.
It's also accepted practice to go to a therapist just for a "consult", followed by therapist's "opinion".
Sorry I don't knów how to say this more clearly. My head is in a fog today.
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amother




Snowdrop
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 9:42 am
Why is it sad that we get paid for our services? Do you feel the same about doctors and plumbers?

Op can you please clarify if this was someone you saw on an ongoing basis or one time? Also, I wouldn’t answer a question like this via text (if at all) but I don’t think that her not replying makes sense or is reasonable. I would reply asking to schedule a 15 min call to discuss or the like.

The only thing I can think of is that she’s away or has changed her number and didn’t let her older/ one time clients know.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 9:44 am
amother [ Cerise ] wrote:
I think it's accepted practice for a therapist to offer an "opinion". So maybe op called it advice, but meant opinion.
It's also accepted practice to go to a therapist just for a "consult", followed by therapist's "opinion".
Sorry I don't knów how to say this more clearly. My head is in a fog today.

I hear.
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amother




Poppy
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 5:19 pm
Another therapist here. Last week I had to do something that I had never done before: Block a person's number. She was not even a client. She was a potential client who called for her kid. I did not think I was the right match for the case, but in order not to leave her 'hanging', I offered to make some phone calls and try to get her in touch with a therapist who would be a better fit for her child. Well, it got abused. I told this woman that it will take a few days for me to get back to her as I do some research in her behalf. I just got back from a 12 hour flight, and I was under the weather too. I still had to see my clients as soon as I got back in the States and tend to my family. It was a rough week. But even as I was not feeling well, I was making calls for her. This woman did not give me any space despite my being clear about needing several days to get back to her. She kept texting, and when I did not answer right away, she started calling. And then calling again. This was a complete lack of boundaries and was disruptive to the point that after several days of this, I had enough and had to block her. Just to be clear, I did give her periodical updates of calls I made and outcomes, but every time I texted her, she would respond with another question or comment. I realized then that even if I were initially considering taking her child on, with a mother like that, there is no way I would do it. It would be a nightmare. I choose my clients carefully, and in fact work mostly with adults because of situations like these that got abused. Some parents expected me to be in touch with their child's teacher (on my time, and the teacher's time). But when I would call them and say that I spoke to the teacher and I would like to invite them in for a session to discuss, they would try to get me to give them a free session on the phone. No, I do not work for free. This is what I do for a living, and my time and energy are not endless. This, however, does not mean that I do not deeply care about my clients. I do. But respect has to go both ways.
To OP -- I agree with those who said that you may not fully understand what is involved in the process of therapy, and that you expectation to get a free consolation is not realistic or fair. And no, you were not asking a simple question that takes two minutes to answer. You said you needed direction regarding an important decision. Well, if it is that important, and involves your child future, then do it the right way and schedule a consultation to discuss it.
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notshanarishona




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jul 13 2021, 6:46 pm
amother [ Snowdrop ] wrote:
Why is it sad that we get paid for our services? Do you feel the same about doctors and plumbers?

Op can you please clarify if this was someone you saw on an ongoing basis or one time? Also, I wouldn’t answer a question like this via text (if at all) but I don’t think that her not replying makes sense or is reasonable. I would reply asking to schedule a 15 min call to discuss or the like.

The only thing I can think of is that she’s away or has changed her number and didn’t let her older/ one time clients know.


Doctors will answer questions in between visits. I MyChart my doctor for questions and prescription refills regularly.
Not everything has to be nickeled and dimed, especially for a one time client
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