Crying it out | Imamother

trixx

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 9:15 am

I love how people say "my child is 4 and I did CIO and he's fine, we have a great relationship."

I'm a lot older than 4 and I'm not fine. That's how attachment works. You don't see the effects until later in life.

amother

Emerald

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 9:21 am

tp3 wrote:

"Should be" is a myth.

This. A baby under a year for sure "should" not be sleeping through the night. He should be doing what he needs. Waking once a night is normal.
Babies with bad sleeping habits can be sleep trained because good sleep is healthy for the baby. Babies that wake once a night shouldn't be sleep trained for the good of the mother; because mom doesn't want to nurse once a night. Sleep training should only be done for the benefit of the baby.

Rachel Shira

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 9:29 am

People on this site are largely anti sleep training. I think it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. But you have to do it right. There’s no “trying,” there’s “make a solid plan and stick to it.” This includes an age appropriate schedule and good bedtime routine with no sleep associations, and starting with independent sleep at bedtime. I second the recommendation for precious little sleep.

amother

Fern

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 9:35 am

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

A healthy and happy mother is directly for the benefit of the baby. If a mother is an irritable mess with no sleep then sleep training is for the baby's benefit. Don't make a mother feel guilty for having human needs.

OP, check out Taking Cara Babies on Instagram. She has a very clear and well done approach to sleep training and I think your situation is perfect for her methods.

amother

Emerald

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 9:46 am

amother [ Fern ] wrote:

A baby that wakes once a night does NOT need to be sleep trained to sleep through the night. It's selfish of a mother to sleep train because she can't wake once a night for afew minutes. A healthy adult should be able to wake up once a night for afew minutes.

amother

Emerald

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 9:48 am

Rachel Shira wrote:

I'm not anti sleep training when it's warrented and needed for the benefit of the baby. Sleep training an 8 month old that wakes just once a night, to sleep through the night, is not for the benefit of the baby. It's normal to wake once a night.

amother

Winterberry

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 9:50 am

Everyone needs to stop judging and acting like their way is the only way. Everyone knows their own breaking point. Some people need to sleep train for the safety of everyone in the house. And it isn’t so clear cut that sleep training causes any harm. Also if your kid is waking up for formula bottles at 2 something isn’t right.

As an adult that was never sleep trained I resent it. I still can’t self soothe or sleep easily. Sleep is something I battle daily I don’t see how I’m better off.

Frumme

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 9:53 am

Rachel Shira wrote:

This. And if it doesn't work after a few days, try a new method, or try again in a week.

(Btw waiting for the inevitable poster to come in saying "it says in Gemara that a woman who lets her baby cry will suffer for it!!" And yet are never able to provide a source for it when asked)

thepickled

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 9:59 am

OP wasn’t asking for your opinions on sleep training…

Having sleep trained two babies (with mixed feelings) I would advise you to either commit to not going in/feeding him, or don’t, but going in after an hour is a waste in the sense that it teaches the baby nothing. You will not change his habits that way.

If you’re adamant you want no night wake ups at all, you need to follow through with your preferred sleep training method. If you find you can’t handle it, it might be time to adjust expectations for yourself and your baby. Developmentally it is absolutely normal for an 8 month old to still be waking several times throughout the night. I personally might not make a big deal about a once or twice a night wake up, and just give a bottle at those times. But only you know your tolerance threshold for exhaustion.

amother

Tealblue

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 10:07 am

I was left to CIO and I have messed up attachment as well. My parents would also say I’m totally fine but I’m really not.
An 8 month old waking up once a night it actually completely normal. Just nurse him back to sleep.
If you are going to let him cry ( which you shouldn’t do) at least always offer your baby water as they are probably thirsty especially if you let them cry.
Obviously this isn’t real scientific research but I have lots of friends and family and anecdotally the moms that were baby focused and didn’t let their babies cry, have kids that in their teen years that are so much more well adjusted and cause them less grief. All the moms who were strong proponents of CIO have troubled teens and dealing with a lot less sleep nowadays from grief with their kids. This isn’t data I’m just sharing observations of mine.
Give to your babies when they are young. Be there to sooth them when they need. Build a basis of a strong healthy attachment and reap the benefits of easier kid and teen years later on.

amother

Pearl

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 10:12 am

OP, please ignore the preachy comments. There are great sleep coaches out there who can help you sleep train using other methods that don’t involve excessive crying. Use a sleep coach who will work with your needs.

amother

Winterberry

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 10:15 am

amother [ Tealblue ] wrote:

You seriously can’t make these claims. I can show you just as many with the opposite. Many kids that don’t learn to put themselves to sleep lack confidence in general and are very needy for the rest of their lives.

amother

Tealblue

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 10:18 am

amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:

You can teach kids to fall sleep without CIO. All my kids sleep beautifully and I have a large family bh. Just don’t do CIO, it’s abusive and short sighted.

honey36

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 10:29 am

I'm not against cry it out if rlly needed, but seems like there's an easier solution here.

If your baby is nursing every night in middle of night, their body will wake up to do so even if their not hungry.

What we did was my DH went in (b/c baby doesn't associate him with nursing) and stayed with baby basically the whole night for 2 nights. He rocked her, showed her videos on his phone so she wouldn't scream, lol. But NO NO nursing or bottles even though we were tempted to. She still cried and kvetched a bit...anyways after 2 nights of no sleep, that was it.

amother

Emerald

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 10:34 am

amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:

It is very very normal and common for toddlers to wake once a night for a bottle or water. There's
nothing not right about it.

amother

Geranium

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 10:37 am

[quote="amother [ Emerald ]"]It is very very normal for toddlers to wake once a night for a bottle. There's nothing not right about it.[/quote

It’s really really not. Just because you do it or don’t mind it or know others who do it or don’t mind it doesn’t mean it’s normal. It’s a terrible habit.

amother

Emerald

Wed, Jul 14 2021, 10:38 am

[quote="amother [ Geranium ]"]

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

It is very very normal for toddlers to wake once a night for a bottle. There's nothing not right about it.[/quote

It’s really really not. Just because you do it or don’t mind it or know others who do it or don’t mind it doesn’t mean it’s normal. It’s a terrible habit.

It's not a terrible habit and it's very common.