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Crying it out
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amother
Turquoise


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 10:46 am
amother [ Tealblue ] wrote:
I was left to CIO and I have messed up attachment as well. My parents would also say I’m totally fine but I’m really not.
An 8 month old waking up once a night it actually completely normal. Just nurse him back to sleep.
If you are going to let him cry ( which you shouldn’t do) at least always offer your baby water as they are probably thirsty especially if you let them cry.
Obviously this isn’t real scientific research but I have lots of friends and family and anecdotally the moms that were baby focused and didn’t let their babies cry, have kids that in their teen years that are so much more well adjusted and cause them less grief. All the moms who were strong proponents of CIO have troubled teens and dealing with a lot less sleep nowadays from grief with their kids. This isn’t data I’m just sharing observations of mine.
Give to your babies when they are young. Be there to sooth them when they need. Build a basis of a strong healthy attachment and reap the benefits of easier kid and teen years later on.

I have 6 children my first I left to cio. He is definitely my most needy kid now as an almost adult, and all through his childhood. He constantly tells me I’m not showing him enough love…. I never hear that from my others.
So everyone can say what they want but I see this on my own.
Yes for my other kids I keep getting up at night and eventually they learn to sleep through the night at an age when I can calmly explain or do a chart…
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amother
Turquoise


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 10:56 am
Ema of 4 wrote:
My baby is 5 and still doesn’t sleep through the night….

At that age you can make a chart to try if you want.
I started it over a Yom Tov when I knew he would be extra tired and after a few days gave him the prize he asked for.
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:04 am
amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:
At that age you can make a chart to try if you want.
I started it over a Yom Tov when I knew he would be extra tired and after a few days gave him the prize he asked for.

Thanks, but this is not my thread, and I don’t want to hijack this one.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:15 am
Chazal said that a women that lets her baby cry and doesn’t go to him will pay for it in shamayim. Besides all the other obvious reasons. Listen to rabbi orlowek he talks about it a lot.
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Frumme




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:22 am
amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:
Chazal said that a women that lets her baby cry and doesn’t go to him will pay for it in shamayim.


Again, source please?
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amother
Fern


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:24 am
OP, I would switch to a pumped bottle. It's much easier to wean from and you can just go in to give it to him and then leave. After a few weeks of pumped milk transition to water and eventually he won't need it
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amother
Yolk


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:29 am
My choices are:
CIO at age 12 months or older, after 2 nights it works. Rested mom and rested baby. (Ferber made my kids angrier and cry a lot more.)

Or get up at night for years on end and be tired and snappy at the kids all day because of no normal sleep.

In the morning and during the day I try to tend to their needs and cries ASAP.
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:32 am
amother [ Yolk ] wrote:
My choices are:
CIO at age 12 months or older, after 2 nights it works. Rested mom and rested baby. (Ferber made my kids angrier and cry a lot more.)

Or get up at night for years on end and be tired and snappy at the kids all day because of no normal sleep.

In the morning and during the day I try to tend to their needs and cries ASAP.


Getting up once a night for 3 minutes shouldn't make a healthy adult tired & snappy all day. An adult waking once at night is considered normal sleep.
I've never done CIO and I've never gotten up for kids for years on end.
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amother
Mimosa


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:34 am
It’s not abusive to let your baby cray if your going to comfort every 5-10 min. Crying is a form of self soothing. Everyone has to do what’s best for them and their family. For people who say they are messed up from it .. how do you know it’s from that? I personally don’t use this method but I know people who do because it’s what works for them.
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:36 am
[quote]="amother [ Mimosa ]"]It’s not abusive to let your baby cray if your going to comfort every 5-10 min. Crying is a form of self soothing. Everyone has to do what’s best for them and their family. For people who say they are messed up from it .. how do you know it’s from that? I personally don’t use this method but I know people who do [b]because it’s what works for them.[/[b]/[quote]]




It depends on the age of the baby. 10 minutes of crying is a very long time for a baby, especially an 8 month old. And leaving the baby alone in a room might also be scary for them. When caring for kids, we need to first do what's good for the child and not what works for the mother.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:37 am
Frumme wrote:
Again, source please?

I forgot the source but I’m sure it’s there. Maybe someone here can ask her dh if he is very knowledgeable I’m he will find it.
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amother
Winterberry


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:39 am
amother [ Emerald ] wrote:
Getting up once a night for 3 minutes shouldn't make a healthy adult tired & snappy all day. An adult waking once at night is considered normal sleep.
I've never done CIO and I've never gotten up for kids for years on end.


Lucky you that you can’t understand. Actually for some people being woken up means they are up for the day. It’s not just waking up for 3 minutes for many. Don’t be so judgmental if you’ve never suffered from sleep issues.
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amother
Yolk


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:39 am
amother [ Emerald ] wrote:
Getting up once a night for 3 minutes shouldn't make a healthy adult tired & snappy all day. An adult waking once at night is considered normal sleep.
I've never done CIO and I've never gotten up for kids for years on end.


Good for you. I have.
If I don’t do CIO my babies are not getting up once a night, it’s more like 2-4 times, and one of those times is 4-5 am which makes it a lot harder for me to fall back asleep and sometimes wakes up my other children, which means my day starts at 5 am.
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:41 am
amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:
Lucky you that you can’t understand. Actually for some people being woken up means they are up for the day. It’s not just waking up for 3 minutes for many. Don’t be so judgmental if you’ve never suffered from sleep issues.


So the mom should seek help for that issue. If she's up for the day when woken at night, she should take care of that. The answer isn't letting a baby cry so mom can sleep through the night without waking.
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 11:42 am
amother [ Yolk ] wrote:
Good for you. I have.
If I don’t do CIO my babies are not getting up once a night, it’s more like 2-4 times, and one of those times is 4-5 am which makes it a lot harder for me to fall back asleep and sometimes wakes up my other children, which means my day starts at 5 am.


But OP's baby gets up just once. That's very normal for an 8 month old and NO reason to let a baby cry.
A baby that wakes 4 times a night might need to be sleep trained. But not a baby that wakes just once.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 12:02 pm
amother [ Emerald ] wrote:
A baby that wakes once a night does NOT need to be sleep trained to sleep through the night. It's selfish of a mother to sleep train because she can't wake once a night for afew minutes. A healthy adult should be able to wake up once a night for afew minutes.

Once I'm up, I'm up for 2 hours. It's not 5 minutes for me.
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amother
Winterberry


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 12:04 pm
amother [ Emerald ] wrote:
But OP's baby gets up just once. That's very normal for an 8 month old and NO reason to let a baby cry.
A baby that wakes 4 times a night might need to be sleep trained. But not a baby that wakes just once.


Seriously stop. You don’t get to say what someone’s baby needs. And you are making assumptions off so little information.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 12:06 pm
amother [ Emerald ] wrote:
But OP's baby gets up just once. That's very normal for an 8 month old and NO reason to let a baby cry.
A baby that wakes 4 times a night might need to be sleep trained. But not a baby that wakes just once.

Actually I never said it was once. Its 2 or sometimes 3 times
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amother
Geranium


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 12:08 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Both tonight and last night I tried to let 8 month old cry it out. I gave up after 1 hour each time and nursed him back to sleep. No, he wasn't hungry . Just venting.... this kid is so hard to sleep train.


Is he teething by chance? Try offering Motrin before bed and see if that Helps him sleep
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amother
NeonBlue


 

Post Wed, Jul 14 2021, 12:08 pm
Very sad to read of all these babies who are left to CIO with no comfort.
Their small bodies and brains can not self sooth and they are shutting down.

Please do not give anecdotal stories that you also CIO and your children are fine. The research points to this practice as destructive.
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