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Tisha bav be like niddah?
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:07 pm
I know actual tashmish is not allowed on tisha bav nt. Apparently need to be like niddah on tisha bav, like yk- no touching, etc. Although no harchakos like you can pass. Is this true? And I think I heard it's for a few days- is it Mon also? Or just til chatzos?
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Iymnok




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:09 pm
All the harchakos apply, just like Y”K. Util the end of the fast. Not before, nor after.
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amother




Opal
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:10 pm
We don’t separate the beds.

Nor do we cuddle on said bed
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amother




Antiquewhite
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:11 pm
Iymnok wrote:
All the harchakos apply, just like Y”K.


We don't keep harchakos on tisha ba'av or yom kippur. We just don't show any affection like hugs, kissing, flirting....
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Iymnok




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:11 pm
DH sleeps on the floor, so that solves it for us!
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pause




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:13 pm
We pass stuff to each other but don't do any touching derech chibba.
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amother




IndianRed
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:13 pm
Iymnok wrote:
DH sleeps on the floor, so that solves it for us!


Hard core!

My mom said that at her non-Orthodox summer camp, they actually took the mattresses off their beds and not just a pillow. Has anyone heard of such a thing?
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:13 pm
amother [ Antiquewhite ] wrote:
We don't keep harchakos on tisha ba'av or yom kippur. We just don't show any affection like hugs, kissing, flirting....

Same here. We don’t separate beds, we pass things if we need to, we touch if we need to, if we are both in the same room we will sit on the same couch….
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:14 pm
Iymnok wrote:
All the harchakos apply, just like Y”K. Util the end of the fast. Not before, nor after.


Rav said not all harchakos- we can pass. So what was I told about it being for a few days?
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:17 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Rav said not all harchakos- we can pass. So what was I told about it being for a few days?

Call your rav to clarify.
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amother




Antiquewhite
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:18 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Rav said not all harchakos- we can pass. So what was I told about it being for a few days?


It only applies during the fast, not the day after.
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amother




Cerise
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:19 pm
amother [ IndianRed ] wrote:
Hard core!

My mom said that at her non-Orthodox summer camp, they actually took the mattresses off their beds and not just a pillow. Has anyone heard of such a thing?


I used to sleep on a pad or pallet on the floor. Got too old to do that, so now I put a rock under my pillow. (posting as amother because I don't want to come across as "too holy" or anything)
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tigerwife




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:19 pm
Maybe you are thinking about the rules for the 9 days, which extends until chatzos of the tenth day?
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happy chick




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:21 pm
Iymnok wrote:
All the harchakos apply, just like Y”K. Util the end of the fast. Not before, nor after.


we do this too. I guess its one of those gray areas that depends on your own hashkafa.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:21 pm
tigerwife wrote:
Maybe you are thinking about the rules for the 9 days, which extends until chatzos of the tenth day?


So not touching doesn't go until chatzos of the tenth? It ends when you break your fast?
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amother




Antiquewhite
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:23 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
So not touching doesn't go until chatzos of the tenth? It ends when you break your fast?

You can touch but ask your Rav about intimacy tonight.
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sm236




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:25 pm
Harchokos only Tisha bav at night.
On Yom Kippur harchokos the whole time
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:25 pm
amother [ Antiquewhite ] wrote:
You can touch but ask your Rav about intimacy tonight.


Oh this! Maybe this is what I'm getting confused about- I think no tashmish tonight also. But yes touch?
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amother




Amaryllis
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:25 pm
Yes. All harchakos apply but speak to Rav, mine only said until chatzos
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Jul 18 2021, 4:27 pm
amother [ Amaryllis ] wrote:
Yes. All harchakos apply but speak to Rav, mine only said until chatzos


I'm confused. So I guess some hold you can touch after fast and some hold no touching until chatzos tomorrow
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