Help!! 7 y/o ds refuses to take Ritalin!

amother

Mon, Jul 19 2021, 5:43 am

Our ds was recently diagnosed with severe adhd. That's after a year of total failure in school in first grade and several years of endless fights with him at home. So, finally he got a prescription for Ritalin LA 10 mg as a starter. And he refuses to take it.
We tried for a few days pouring the content of the capsule on sweets. No luck. He insisted he has to have it with ice cream. Dh ran and bought a tub this morning. Ds tried a drop of it and then started screaming that the Ritalin makes it taste weird and he can't eat it. Over the next hour and a half, we tried explanations, pleading and promises and then went over to threats of punishment, shouts and an attempt at force feeding. In the end, he cried, and very reluctantly ate it, all the while mumbling wild threats against us.
There must be a better way to do this. But how? How to people convince their defiant kids to take Ritalin every freakin' day?

Chickensoupprof

Mon, Jul 19 2021, 5:55 am

Have you talked to your son about this? Maybe he doesn't want to accept that he needs it, maybe he feels he is already unlikebale because of his ADHD, ashamed of the diagnoses and the only way to have power and control over things is now to refuse this medication.

When I got my diagnoses as I child I refused every help, I was already a child who was not the type who asked for help but then I really was obsessed by trying to do things myself. I did that to prove that I was not a stupid autistic kid who needed helped, I didn't want to have the pity, I didn't want to have that correction of my ''being'' everytime because that was for me a prove that I was a bad child, a child with a flaw which needs to be corrected and that I'm only a good person, if I do certain things or accept these things. They literally never ever went to look about my self image, or helped me to change my self image only: 'Accept you have ASD and accept you need help''.

So my advice try to support emotionally your son by saying ''Sheifele, I want to help you I love you having ADHD doesn't mean you are a bad boy, we just want to help you and the doctor says it's helping you we can try this'' like involve him in these things because it's also his life. I think really this is now the power of control and that he really is struggeling with himself.

amother

Hyssop

Mon, Jul 19 2021, 6:17 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Why doesn't he want it? In my experience children who know they have difficulties and understand something will help them are cooperative about it.

Does it change how he feels physically? Does he see it as another punishment for being "bad"? Can you find out why he doesn't want it? There is a reason, he's not just being defiant.

ddmom

Mon, Jul 19 2021, 7:21 am

professor wrote:

I am not telling you what to do, but what I would do personally, for my own child, is pull him out of the school in which he was a failure. I would either find him a better school which caters to hyperactive children, or homeschool him at home. I would not give him any medicine at age 7. It's too young.

She wrote "severe adhd" and a "year of endless fights" at home!!!
Adhd doesn't only affect school life!

lk1234

Mon, Jul 19 2021, 7:26 am

Here are some ideas:

Do whatever it takes to get him to take it - offer him foods that you would otherwise not buy in the beginning. I found chocolate pudding to be an amazing incentive- it's not something I would ever normally have in the house.

Make sure he is totally on board with the idea and understanding WHY he is taking it - just like some kids need glasses to fix eyesight some kids take medicine for all types of things, sleeping, calming down, etc.

Give him choices - do you want to take in the kitchen or bathroom, at 7 or 7:30, with ice cream or pudding. Do you want to open the bottle or I should. Empower him with choice.

Praise effort - even if he doesn't have the ability to get the medicine down one night - focus on effort not results. There were many times my child simply could not get the medicine down - I focused on the fact that he tried and let it go.

Hugs. It's a hard place to be in - having finally gotten the medicine and now having to deal with getting in down. Whatever you do don't force- it always backfires (talking from someone with looots of experience Smile

professor

Mon, Jul 19 2021, 7:27 am

ddmom wrote:

She wrote "severe adhd" and a "year of endless fights" at home!!!
Adhd doesn't only affect school life!

What I would do is let go of some of my home rules. (Speaking from experience btw) for example, if this child wants to climb and open all the cabinets and make a huge mess, etc. Let the house be a bit messy for a few years. Unless he does extremely dangerous things with absolutely no regard to explainations about how dangerous this can be, I wouldn't rush to give medicine.

amother

Oleander

Mon, Jul 19 2021, 8:10 am

professor wrote:

I'm sorry. This isn't helpful. How long will he do that for? Why do the other children in the family have to suffer with that too? How can he learn impulse control, emotional regulation, social skills if you decide to "let go of some house rules" and let him run around making a mess and doing what he wants? Taking him off medication is one thing, letting him run your house is another.

Kids with ADHD do best with structure and routine and like most kids will usually be a little resistant at first. They need more structure, not less, to learn important life skills.

amother

Mon, Jul 19 2021, 8:51 am

professor wrote:

He doesn't usually keep any home rules to begin with, creates chaos without thinking, loses his school- and other items and has broken furniture during fits of anger. We haven't been able to have an undisturbed kiddush at home Friday night or on Shabbat for 2 or 3 years already because he constantly interrupts, every single time. He climbs the roof of our house, which is dangerous. He's beginning to put strain on our Shalom Bayit as both dh and I can't cope with him any more. We end up yelling at each other because of him. And we've had 2 years of parenting counseling, with no success.
He's going to go to a different school with special ed small classes starting September.
I don't know if the Ritalin is going to save our family life and I've given up on school - whatever, really.

simcha2

Mon, Jul 19 2021, 9:06 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This sounds really difficult, and you sound very resentful. I know it is difficult, but letting ds see that perpetuates the cycle.

He has a medical condition. If, chas v'shalom, he had a terrible disease would you be blaming him for it? For the disruption to your home life?

(I say this as a parent of a child with a life threatening condition. There are days when it is hard, hard, hard. But my child didn't ask for this challenge. Neither did yours.)

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jul 19 2021, 9:19 am

Hugs, OP. I know you're doing your best. Hug

Is his mouth sensory with other foods? Does he dislike certain textures? Has he been able to take other pills in the past?

What my mom did, and what I did with DD, was to cut raisins in half, and give a big glass of water. For every raisin swallowed without gagging, there was a chocolate chip reward. I mastered it in just a few tries, and so did DD. Once it's done easily, we got big rewards like a toy. A child with a stronger aversion or gag reflex won't be able to do this though, so don't push too hard.

Some medicines truly do taste foul. He may be what's called a "super taster". He'll make a great gourmet chef some day, but for now you need to disguise the taste, and ice cream can melt off the coating. A good way to coat pills is to make a thick paste of just a drop of water and some powdered sugar. Carefully coat the pills so that the pill coating doesn't dissolve, and then let them dry. If he swallows them fast enough, all he'll taste is the sugar. (Insert Mary Poppins song here.)

If he's defiant, then go back to the doctor and look into good tasting chewables. Reward, reward, reward!

Keep everything positive, and avoid any sort of power struggle or negative interaction. One bad experience, and he can dig in his heels for a lot longer than you can. Kids have amazing memories, and are a lot more stubborn than adults. Approach this with caution, like you've been doing.

Basically, don't treat this as an ultimatum, approach it as "Sweetie, how can we make this nice for you, so you don't feel bad about it?" Ask him to help you brainstorm, and ask your pediatrician as well.

Remember, ADD kids don't LIKE to be in a power struggle, but they have so little control over themselves, that they try to find control wherever they can get it. It's a coping mechanism, and you can't take it personally. It's kind of like watching an overtire toddler fight against going to sleep. They don't realize that what they're doing is not in their best interest. When they are in flight or flight mode, there's no reasoning, you just need a lot of patience and empathy.

amother

NeonGreen

Mon, Jul 19 2021, 9:25 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You sound like youve tried alot already. Kudos to you for switching his school, I hope it makes a big difference. his behavior at home might even improve slightly of he is in a school setting that is appropriate. Where he feels safe in that the staff is loving but In control. Boundaries and consequences are clear. and that he is appreciated for who he is, that his talents can shine. All these things can have a spillover effect to home behavior. Sometimes being in the wrong school and also having to behave at home is just too much.