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To all those who are jealous of me
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Jul 21 2021, 11:15 pm
I just want to share some insight to all those who are jealous of me (and there are many);
Yes, I know, not many women my age make so much money keh.
You all look at me in envy every time the topic of finances comes up.
You think I live the life of a party.
My dear friends, I don't rake it in and enjoy the benefits.
You talked about needing to scrimp every dollar- you thought I don't understand. Oh! how I did.
When we went out together, I just ordered myself a drink and you wondered why. NO. I was in the mood of that yummy pasta, I did want to order myself some salad too.
You didn't know why I got so excited when you returned $10 you owed me from way back when we were in high school. like, c'mon, you make that kind of money in 5 minutes of work.

Yes, I do earn an income that I am very grateful for. Yes, I do thank Hashem for the nice amount I have in my savings account.
But due to my circumstances, the money is out of reach to me. It "belongs" to my husband. Every dollar I spend goes through the "approval" process of him allowing me to spend the money.

No, he usually doesn't limit the amount I spend or say no. But, every dollar must be accounted for. I must explain why I need it, why so much, why it's important, etc.

Upon approval, I must be extra thankful for being allowed to spend the money. be it a few dollars, it was a great favor indeed.

So my friend, you wonder, why do I not want to buy anything at the 70% off sale? Well, I do want. I want so badly. However, even after the discount, a basic outfit would cost about $40. That's expensive for my husband.

Dear workmates, you know I "rake it in" and can't understand why I only shop on AliExpress. I do like the local shops, but that again is "way too expensive".

I just placed an order. I got myself a new winter wardrobe (I was never this size before and cannot use my clothes from previous seasons). I also ordered jackets for myself and my children, pajamas, and shoes for myself and my daughter. My total was $170.

WOW! How I am such a big spender. How I order so much. How I don't value the money. But my spouse is so nice and let me do it either way.

I have more to write, but will not waste more of your time.

I just wanted to vent and don't need you to tell me that my husband is a control freak, financial abuser, that I should go for therapy or get divorced.
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amother




Silver
 

Post Wed, Jul 21 2021, 11:20 pm
Because of Imamother, when I went back to work I opened a bank account thats under my name and direct deposit my money there. Dh has access to it, if needed.

I informed DH that if he questions any of my purchases I will stop using my credit card and only use his Very Happy . It works.
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amother




Midnight
 

Post Wed, Jul 21 2021, 11:21 pm
What? If you're the one making the money, why on earth do you need his approval?! Take back your power, girl.
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amother




Linen
 

Post Wed, Jul 21 2021, 11:21 pm
There is always more than meets the eye. Hashem should give you strength.
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jul 21 2021, 11:26 pm
Hope venting helped you feel a bit better.

I won't offer any more than that, per your request.
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amother




Papayawhip
 

Post Wed, Jul 21 2021, 11:30 pm
You didn't say no questions so hope this is ok. Why do you not just have your own account and have the checks directly deposited there? And if you want to contribute to a family account you can send as much as you want and the rest is only seen by you.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Jul 21 2021, 11:33 pm
amother [ Papayawhip ] wrote:
You didn't say no questions so hope this is ok. Why do you not just have your own account and have the checks directly deposited there? And if you want to contribute to a family account you can send as much as you want and the rest is only seen by you.


I wish I can, but my husband doesn't allow me to do that....
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amother




Gardenia
 

Post Wed, Jul 21 2021, 11:34 pm
I’m so sorry. That must be really really hard. Sending love.
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SYA




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jul 21 2021, 11:40 pm
What about having your job split your payments and you put a small amount into a second account your husband has no access to and no knowledge about?

Think of bonuses, tips, gifts...

Even if it's a small amount, over time it can add up.
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SYA




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jul 21 2021, 11:41 pm
OP, just want to say that we're thinking of you and here to listen to you vent and support you in whatever way you need.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Jul 21 2021, 11:43 pm
SYA wrote:
OP, just want to say that we're thinking of you and here to listen to you vent and support you in whatever way you need.


thank you
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amother




Papayawhip
 

Post Wed, Jul 21 2021, 11:46 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I wish I can, but my husband doesn't allow me to do that....


What would happen if you did anyway?
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amother




DarkKhaki
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 12:08 am
Sounds awful Sad

Sending hugs and more hugs
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amother




Lightgray
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 12:12 am
amother [ Silver ] wrote:
Because of Imamother, when I went back to work I opened a bank account thats under my name and direct deposit my money there. Dh has access to it, if needed.

I informed DH that if he questions any of my purchases I will stop using my credit card and only use his Very Happy . It works.


Does his income go into his own account also?
How do you split tuition, mortgage, kids clothing, kid’s food. Do you each pay for your own food? Does he also spend his income freely?
This sounds so confusing.
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 12:15 am
OMG. Get divorced yesterday.

Why are you still in this.

Please don't say "for the kids" or "for shidduchim". It's not 1990 anymore.

You make the big bucks? You can support yourself.

Get out. Not therapy. OUT.

This control freak doesn't deserve you.
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DrMom




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 12:16 am
Just curious:

- Does your husband bring in any income?

- Are you and your family saving up for some major purchase (home, car, etc)?

-Is this an actual joint account or is the account only in your name?
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amother




Papayawhip
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 12:16 am
Curious how much he makes? Is it more, equal or less than you?
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amother




Sapphire
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 12:25 am
amother [ Papayawhip ] wrote:
Curious how much he makes? Is it more, equal or less than you?


Why does that even matter? It wouldn't be ok in any scenario.
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amother




Papayawhip
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 12:28 am
amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:
Why does that even matter? It wouldn't be ok in any scenario.


It makes no difference. I just have different thoughts based on it. He's obviously abusive, there is no question.
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GLUE




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 12:33 am
Did he grow up very poor?
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