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Moms of young kids and simchas
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 11:56 am
I have a bunch of weddings coming up, most are people from our shul. My husband is close to all these people, but I'm not. He thinks I should go to these weddings, which is nice and all and I'd go happily if: I had a live in babysitter, the weddings were more local ( they are all at least an hour and a half drive each way), I had what to wear...
What do moms of young kids do??? I feel bad choosing just one or two, since all the families are from the same shul...
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allthingsblue




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 11:58 am
I’m a mom of young kids. I personally would not go to those weddings. Only if it’s a close friend and / or easily doable.

I wouldn’t worry about going to only 1 or 2. No one will be insulted. It’s not like baalei simcha sit there comparing which acquaintances came to which simcha.
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out-of-towner




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 12:02 pm
allthingsblue wrote:
I’m a mom of young kids. I personally would not go to those weddings. Only if it’s a close friend and / or easily doable.

I wouldn’t worry about going to only 1 or 2. No one will be insulted. It’s not like baalei simcha sit there comparing which acquaintances came to which simcha.


This.

If you really feel a need to participate you can send over something like a homemade cookie platter for the Aufruf or Shabbos SB.
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amother




Lightgray
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 12:03 pm
I have sent DH by himself to weddings where he's friendly with the father but I don't really know the family. It's much easier for him to put on a suit and go then it is for me to deal with finding a babysitter and getting all dressed up, which would currently involve going shopping because I literally have nothing to wear to a wedding that fits me plus getting my sheitel done since I haven't worn my nice one in months.

We actually have a wedding next month that we're both planning on attending and it's been such a hassle trying to find a babysitter that both I and the kids will feel comfortable with doing dinner and bedtime. I haven't even figured out yet what to wear. Sigh.
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allthingsblue




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 12:15 pm
I would like to add that when it’s a separate seating wedding I for sure don’t go unless I’m close enough.

If it’s mixed seating I might go if it’s easy to find a babysitter. That’s a date night with dh.
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causemommysaid




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 12:19 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I have a bunch of weddings coming up, most are people from our shul. My husband is close to all these people, but I'm not. He thinks I should go to these weddings, which is nice and all and I'd go happily if: I had a live in babysitter, the weddings were more local ( they are all at least an hour and a half drive each way), I had what to wear...
What do moms of young kids do??? I feel bad choosing just one or two, since all the families are from the same shul...


Spoken like a man. Lol.

You don't have to go at all.
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essie14




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 12:40 pm
Now that I have a small child I only go to smachot of very close friends. It's a hassle to leave during bedtime, get a babysitter, etc.
Everyone understands.
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amother




NeonYellow
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 12:43 pm
out-of-towner wrote:
This.

If you really feel a need to participate you can send over something like a homemade cookie platter for the Aufruf or Shabbos SB.


Same. I can’t afford a Babysitter and a wedding gift for frequent weddings. I personally go to family weddings and friends but not just random shul people
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amother




Feverfew
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 12:51 pm
I don't go to weddings where I have to travel 1-2 hours unless it's close family or close friends.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 12:59 pm
causemommysaid wrote:
Spoken like a man. Lol.

You don't have to go at all.


Lol, totally!! The men will never ever understand how complicated it is for moms to go out. I just feel like I'm such a loser for not being able to get my act together to get out to these simchas.
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amother




Feverfew
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 2:11 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Lol, totally!! The men will never ever understand how complicated it is for moms to go out. I just feel like I'm such a loser for not being able to get my act together to get out to these simchas.


Why a loser? We're all the same. I don't know anyone who easily gets out at that hour. It's a huge hassle and I only do it if I really really must.
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trixx




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 2:52 pm
I could barely make it to my own siblings wedding with little kids. Why on earth would you go to a stranger.
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 2:59 pm
I don't go to non-local weddings unless it's close family of friends. Even though I don't need a babysitter anymore. I work full time, I take care of my home and kids, and to be honest, I don't feel like I need to go if I'm not really close to them. Unless I would feel they don't have much family and need people, I have had situations where I did shlep and saw the Baalas Simcha for like 3 seconds and I could have stayed home. There are usually tons of people there, and it's more about family and close friends.
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amother




Currant
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 3:07 pm
I have young kids and I love going out at night. I don’t leave till most kids are settled for the night. I have a few sitters who I reuse to they know my kids.

Don’t feel bad if you want to go. It can be done.

In your situation I would ride together with another friend from the neighborhood and then you don’t need to get a sitter.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 3:09 pm
amother [ Currant ] wrote:
I have young kids and I love going out at night. I don’t leave till most kids are settled for the night. I have a few sitters who I reuse to they know my kids.

Don’t feel bad if you want to go. It can be done.

In your situation I would ride together with another friend from the neighborhood and then you don’t need to get a sitter.


How?
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agreer




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 3:09 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Lol, totally!! The men will never ever understand how complicated it is for moms to go out. I just feel like I'm such a loser for not being able to get my act together to get out to these simchas.


My DH gives me such a hard time about not going to simchas with him.

Firstly, he's the friendly one in this house - they are all his friends. The wives could care less if I was there or not.

Secondly, it's always separate seating. So why does he want me to go with him so badly? Just for the ride?

I'm not getting dressed and finding a babysitter and coming home to kids who didn't listen and are still up just so I can keep him company in the car.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 3:13 pm
agreer wrote:
My DH gives me such a hard time about not going to simchas with him.

Firstly, he's the friendly one in this house - they are all his friends. The wives could care less if I was there or not.

Secondly, it's always separate seating. So why does he want me to go with him so badly? Just for the ride?

I'm not getting dressed and finding a babysitter and coming home to kids who didn't listen and are still up just so I can keep him company in the car.


Ha! Same! He's the social butterfly and I'm the homebody
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amother




Sapphire
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 3:16 pm
My dh also doesn't get why I don't go. My kids aren't even so little any more, but the house doesn't really run when we're both gone for hours. The kids need me, for homework, bed, the younger ones don't really listen to the older ones, the older ones have a test, etc. Dh thinks I'm sending a message by not being there, even though I've told him that I have many people who would specifically tell me not to come because they know it's hard.

I think dh also wants my company in the car. When he's going with a friend, I don't get as much grief. I think it's also because he knows the friend's wife is also not going.
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amother




Currant
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 3:23 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
How?


If your husband is home you don’t need a babysitter.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jul 22 2021, 4:04 pm
amother [ Currant ] wrote:
If your husband is home you don’t need a babysitter.


My husband plans on going for the entire wedding for most of the weddings coming up. Lol, you'd think he was a mechutan!
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