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Does anyone else feel like the hired help?

 
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simchamommy




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 2:49 pm
Especially at the Shabbos table?

What can we do to change that?
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jd1212




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 2:54 pm
Have an open discussion how the amount of serving and cleaning makes you feel with DH. Come up with an arrangement for his participation (not helping you out!), and enlist the kids as well. It is a gift to your kids for them to learn to help a bit.
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Girl@Heart




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 3:02 pm
At the end of a course instead of getting up say to your husband, hey can you do the next course please.
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chocolate moose




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 3:17 pm
lots of things we can do.

we can host less and eat out more. we can use paper plates and disposables more so cleanup is easier. we can make less elaborate meals so the prep doesn't wear us out.
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happy chick




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 3:21 pm
My hired help gets paid. I don't. At least not in dollars. So to answer your question, no.
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simchamommy




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 3:23 pm
eating out isn't an option - and we do all the others!
I think a lot of it is having the kids wait for the mommy to come to the table before beginning.
the kids can help more - even 3 year old and 5 year old
but there's an attitude I think and I'm not tapping in to making it respectful and positive
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octopus




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 3:28 pm
I serve. My kids have to help. My husband clears. My kids have to help.
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PinkFridge




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 3:32 pm
Sometimes logistics are such that one person will end up doing a lot of the serving, etc. The other people need to be very expansive and sincere in their appreciation, and help where they can.
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Rhom




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 3:37 pm
I try to put everything out on one or two large platters to minimize the serving and clearing, and sometimes just serve buffet style from pans in the kitchen to minimize clean up. With young children this is what's been working for us right now.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 3:54 pm
simchamommy wrote:
Especially at the Shabbos table?

What can we do to change that?
What can you do to change feeling like the hired help? Make sure that every family member that is able to, helps as well. Someone brings, someone takes off, or everyone brings and everyone takes off.
Im never sure why only the wife has to be the one doing those things.

I was never brought up that way and that is not how our household is like.
I have a friend who as her children got older, she and her husband sat through the entire meal, her kids did everything.
And I know in other homes, as I grew up, everyone brings and takes off to and from the table.

Nobody should be doing it all.
Have an honest conversation with your husband and kids, if they are old enough to help (a kid can help from a young age with things that are ok for that age) about not wanting to change thing but NEEDING things to change. And make it happen.
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PinkFridge




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 4:02 pm
PinkFridge wrote:
Sometimes logistics are such that one person will end up doing a lot of the serving, etc. The other people need to be very expansive and sincere in their appreciation, and help where they can.


And one other thing: if the server can't hear the conversation and divrei Torah while serving the speakers, singers, etc. whom she would enjoy need to wait till she's sitting.
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