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1 year old doesn’t like mom
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kittykat1007




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 8:40 pm
I’m a first time mom and my baby just turned a year old recently.
My baby prefers my husband, her father. We’re both home with her all day. But I do everything, play, sing, feed, bathe, etc. my husband will change a diaper or put her down for a nap or get her after a nap. But for some reason she prefers him in every way. If he is in a room. she doesn’t want to play with me or be held or comforted by me in a way. She will scream and cry until he picks her up. When he leaves she cries and is excited when he comes back. I left for an entire afternoon, and she neither cried when I left nor noticed when I walked back in. In fact, she was annoyed when I wanted to kiss her goodbye and hug her when I came home. It’s so bad that sometimes I’ll be holding her and he’ll come in a room or she’ll see him walk past she squirms and screams so violently I feel like I might drop her.
It breaks my heart and I feel like she has no connection to me. I had a rough birth with a c section and was unable to change or walk around the house with her when she was first born. I barely met her when she was born because of issues with my surgery and my husband got to hold her but not me. But I breast fed her and held her constantly on the couch. I’m glad she loves her dad but I wish she had some preference for me too. I’m just so heartbroken. And I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this too?
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amother




Iris
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 8:45 pm
It’s very normal. I find that kids go through stages, liking one parent more than another for a while and then switching. You can think of it like a little break until you’re the favorite 😉
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amother




Stoneblue
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 8:46 pm
All my kids went through a stage where they preferred their father. I was just happy to take a break and I let him take care of them when they cried for him.
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amother




Bottlebrush
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 9:21 pm
My two year old is in an “only Abba” stage. If he’s not home she’ll settle for me, but if he’s around, she’s on him. I just enjoy the personal space for a bit. She still loves me and is excited to see me after camp or take cuddles when she’s hurt. As long as Abba isn’t the alternative.
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Hashem_n_Farfel




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 9:24 pm
My kid is at that “I want tatty only stage”. Has been for a while. He just turned two (Hebrew bd was a few days ago)
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hodeez




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 9:24 pm
Don't worry, they come to their senses soon enough
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amother




Aubergine
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 9:57 pm
OP this is so interesting because my one year old ds is exactly the same and I was also wondering if it was because I had a c section with difficult recovery...
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womanwithaplan




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 10:05 pm
I know a lot of people are going to tell you not to worry and to wait it out. Its normal for kids to prefer 1 parent but IMO such (most) behavior at an extreme is unhealthy.

So much has been written and said about the importance and significance of maternal bonding (including skin to skin, being held, eye contact, talking etc).

If you feel like the natural attachment process with your baby was disrupted due to your c section and recuperation, I would advise you to look into rebirthing exercises and similar energy work.

People have seen tremendous improvement in their connection with babies and kids after therapeutic work to work on re-bonding. And, the younger the child the easier the work is.

As an aside, just want to mention that your best tool as a mother is to listen to your own gut about where to draw the line between normal behavior and behavior that needs intervention. Hatzlacha!
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HeartyAppetite




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 10:09 pm
It’s a stage. My kids all went through the only Totty stage, but now that they are older it’s only mommy. And it gets really annoying when mommy has to do everything!
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YYYY




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 10:13 pm
Most babies I know have an unexplained preference for their father over their mother, although it seems that by you it’s more than the usual.
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amother




Winterberry
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 10:23 pm
Right now my baby prefers my eleven year old daughter!
Biggest joke because said daughter doesn’t even like holding the baby. I mean she likes it but after two minutes she had enough.
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kittykat1007




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 10:36 pm
Thank you. I do feel that some of the preference for her dad is normal. But I do think some of it is unnatural. For instance, we went swimming today. We (myself and baby girl) were already in the pool. She spotted her dad from across the pool walking in and got super excited and tried escaping her floaty to get to him as he got in the pool and swam over to us. I left and tried to see if she’d do the same for me. And nothing. She didn’t even notice I had left. And when I swam back over to her she kept reaching for her dad, almost like I was a stranger. Now I’ve taken her swimming or played with her alone plenty of times, and she seems fine and attached to me. It’s just when she sees him.
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amother




Alyssum
 

Post Sun, Jul 25 2021, 11:33 pm
kittykat1007 wrote:
Thank you. I do feel that some of the preference for her dad is normal. But I do think some of it is unnatural. For instance, we went swimming today. We (myself and baby girl) were already in the pool. She spotted her dad from across the pool walking in and got super excited and tried escaping her floaty to get to him as he got in the pool and swam over to us. I left and tried to see if she’d do the same for me. And nothing. She didn’t even notice I had left. And when I swam back over to her she kept reaching for her dad, almost like I was a stranger. Now I’ve taken her swimming or played with her alone plenty of times, and she seems fine and attached to me. It’s just when she sees him.


I'm sorry to break it to you, but it's very normal for babies to take their imas forgranted :-) And it only gets moreso as they get older!! Don't worry. When she's married, she'll probably come around and appreciate everything you do for her.
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dankbar




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 6:29 am
Its normal because she sees him less often, than you, you are with her all day, doing everything for her.
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Chickensoupprof




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 6:33 am
I'm taking care for a toddler sometimes it is: ''Ich hob mommy lieb'' other times ''Ich hob totty lieb'' everytime it is ''Ich hob dir nisht lieb gehe aweg!!!!'' TILL I go away and her mommy is calling me ''Ich wil reden tzu Esther!''
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amother




Turquoise
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 7:46 am
womanwithaplan wrote:
I know a lot of people are going to tell you not to worry and to wait it out. Its normal for kids to prefer 1 parent but IMO such (most) behavior at an extreme is unhealthy.

So much has been written and said about the importance and significance of maternal bonding (including skin to skin, being held, eye contact, talking etc).

If you feel like the natural attachment process with your baby was disrupted due to your c section and recuperation, I would advise you to look into rebirthing exercises and similar energy work.

People have seen tremendous improvement in their connection with babies and kids after therapeutic work to work on re-bonding. And, the younger the child the easier the work is.

As an aside, just want to mention that your best tool as a mother is to listen to your own gut about where to draw the line between normal behavior and behavior that needs intervention. Hatzlacha!


Nonsense. I had five natural births, got to hold and nurse the babies right away, and had lots of eye contact and holding in that first year. And every single one of my kids went through a phase of only wanting Abba. Please don't guilt a young mother over a normal phase of child development.
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amother




Navy
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 7:59 am
Yeah! And my baby went through a stage where she only wanted my teenage son to hold her!
And what did he ever do to deserve this level of love:)
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amother




DarkPurple
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 8:10 am
amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:
Nonsense. I had five natural births, got to hold and nurse the babies right away, and had lots of eye contact and holding in that first year. And every single one of my kids went through a phase of only wanting Abba. Please don't guilt a young mother over a normal phase of child development.



Agree!
Mother of four here. Natural births and breastfed (never a bottle) for over a year each. Each one more obsessed with Dad then the next! He goes to shul, work (prepandemic) and there are lots of goodbyes. I’m pretty much always around.
It’s normal for us and for many others. I feel very confident it’s not an attachment issue
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imanotmommy




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 8:12 am
I found that sometimes they prefer the parent they see less or who does less with them, because it's more exciting. Sort of like taking you for granted, as someone said. Usually I spend more time with my kid, and when dh comes home, he's the focus of attention. When dh babysat for a few weeks and I was around less than him, it switched.
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amother




Chartreuse
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 8:45 am
amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:
Nonsense. I had five natural births, got to hold and nurse the babies right away, and had lots of eye contact and holding in that first year. And every single one of my kids went through a phase of only wanting Abba. Please don't guilt a young mother over a normal phase of child development.


I breastfed four babies and I find this case a little extreme. It can’t hurt for OP to work through her trauma.
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