What’s the point of high school (girls)

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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Lakewood, Toms River & Jackson related Inquiries

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amother

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 1:57 am

My DD is still not in a high School, don’t tell me it’s a numbers game that's why she is not in anywhere. If that is the case why did “Leah Fried” get in when non of her parents are from Lakewood and have nothing to do with the school, when this is the school I and my sister, not to mention my cousins and their kids went there. Why don’t they want my Daughter? Why can’t they give me a reason why they don’t want my DD?

Now I understand why high schools would have their big fundraiser before acceptance season. So people would send nice checks in hope of getting their DD in school. Afterwords the school would just get letters saying that we have no Hakours H’atov you did not take our kid.

I am starting to wonder why I am fighting to pay a few 1,000’s a year plus all the miscellaneous expenses that come along with having a girl in High School. I am sure I learned something in high school, now if I can remember what it was that would be nice. I don’t keep up with anyone from high school so it is not like I got friends for life.
So what is the point of high school?

amother

Azure

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 7:13 am

Agree!
Wish someone would start a new trend for girls when they are done with elementary school.

amother

Daphne

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 7:22 am

What on earth do you think such young girls should be doing with their time?

amother

Hyssop

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 7:24 am

There are plenty of reasons to keep studying. Just because the admissions system where you live is messed up is no reason to hope that a girl is denied an education.

I'm really sorry that the schools seem so unfair and overcrowded where you are. I can see why it would leave a bad taste in your mouth, but please don't give up.

amother

Zinnia

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 7:25 am

amother [ Daphne ] wrote:

What on earth do you think such young girls should be doing with their time?

I don't think she's really saying girls should drop out of school after 8th grade. This is the frustration speaking. It's a lousy "system" in her community that makes young girls and their families feel terrible when they don't get into high school/have to be "pushed" into a school.

amother

Azure

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 7:54 am

amother [ Daphne ] wrote:

What on earth do you think such young girls should be doing with their time?

Someone creative should figure something out.
A mix of extra curricular, a few no pressure lessons, a chance to learn responsibility, a time for fun in an appropriate environment….
There are other things in life that should be just as important as people think sitting in high school is.
It will take a great person to successfully break the trend.

Notsobusy

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 7:56 am

I'm so sorry op. This must be so painful and scary and frustrating. I don't understand how this can happen again every year. It's destroying the girls and their families. I really hope you get into a good school very quickly.

watergirl

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 8:09 am

amother [ Azure ] wrote:

Girls (or boys) in high school is not a "trend", it is the LAW.

This is the age in which they can start to utilize higher level thinking skills (google it; this is literally not attainable at a younger age as the brain needs to be more matured to accomplish this). This is the age where they learn higher mathematics, english, and critical thinking, in addition to learning how to work in a group which is not to be underestimated. Not just that, but learning Torah at a higher level. Pressure is hard, but it is crucial. As we grow up, we have to be able to work in all sorts of situations and environments and there will be many which will have a lot of pressure and require all of the skills that one can only gain through attending high school. And of course, how would you expect a women who ended her formal education to support her husband if he choses to learn in kollel? Or to help support the family, considering most of the country requires a dual income to survive. Not to mention, we need to set our kids up for financial independence and never to depend just on their husband's income.

But I don't think OP is really asking what is the point of high school. She is in pain that it is almost August and she can't get a school for her daughter. As I understand it to be from this site and other things I've heard in real life, Lakewood has a real problem and if people insist on staying there despite these issues, and if people continue to flock there with these issues, they will not change. No city can keep up with this kind of inflating population at the speed in which it is growing.

OP, sending hugs to you and your daughter.

lk1234

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 8:25 am

OP - I totally understand you. The responses you are getting cannot fathom the Lakewood high school situation. I think you'd gain more from hearing from people that have been or are in your situation. I know many mothers are in the same situation as you. Hopefully they will chime in.

amother

DarkCyan

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 8:31 am

I question, is it my hishtadlus to beg on my hands and knees for my daughter to get into a BY school and in the process have her feel like a piece of unwanted garbage? Because if I have to go through this, I would be quite to tempted to send her to a modern orthodox day school with many non religious students who will actually be happy to accept my wonderful daughter. I already begged to get into elementary. Not doing it again. I could have sent her to Hillel Yeshiva. They would have welcomed us with open arms.

Chayalle

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 8:58 am

OP I'm so sorry for your pain and for the pain of your DD. I can't even fathom it. I totally agree something in the system is seriously messed up if innocent Bnos Yisrael are not being accommodated by the system. And I also understand the frustration when seemingly random people get into a school just like that, and you went there and they didn't take you.

In fact a relative of mine went thru something like this just last year. She went to a local high school at a time when they needed committed families and students, and her parents helped build up the school. Then her oldest gets to high school - a nice, smart, sweet girl, ok, maybe she isn't the next talented and noticeable upcoming public speaker, just a refined, nice girl...and they don't take her. (she ended up getting in the day before school started.) It really stung.

I want to ask you an honest question though. Are you hung up on getting into your alma matter, because everyone you know goes there, and you feel they should take you? I'm not saying that's not a reasonable want, but in this town....are there other reasonable options you could try, that you passed up because you insist you want this particular school, and if XYZ got in, why not you?

I know people who have gone thru that, and some end up getting in (like my relative above) and some do not and might deeply regret not trying something else. I have another relative a few years back who had her heart set on a particular school. She pushed and pulled all summer while her daughter got more and more miserable. In the end, they were lucky that someone pushed for them to get their DD into a different school that was actually a better fit for their daughter in some ways, but they had insisted on their "ideal" choice. Their DD B"H flourished in that high school, and to be honest, at this point their not sure why they wanted that dream school so badly. And why she had to suffer that whole summer - I'm pretty sure had they applied to this school to begin with, they would've gotten in. And they are lucky to have gotten in when they did - they could've ended up in a school that was not a good fit for their DD, in the desperate state they were in.

I'm really sorry for your pain and your DD's pain. I'll just end off saying what my high school teacher said to me when I didn't get into seminary (I ended up getting in on pending) - she told me I should never suffer a rejection again - shidduchim, etc....and I pass that on to you OP. You and your DD have done your fair share in this realm, may you never ever be turned down or passed over again, ever!

Notsobusy

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 9:21 am

Chayalle wrote:

I think this might have been the one school where they thought they had pull. And so they pinned their hopes on this school only to find that they wouldn't even accept them. We did that once. And that's even more painful than if a random school won't accept you.

Op, it's so painful and unfair. I wish there was a way we could be part of the solution, but I can't imagine what it would be.

amother

Lemon

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 9:27 am

Someone should open another school. Sounds like there is a need.

amother

Burgundy

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 9:39 am

amother [ DarkCyan ] wrote:

OP I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Having your child rejected by the school you went to must be very painful.
I wish there was something I could do, at least I’ll try to answer your questions.
I don’t know what your hishtadlus is but going down to the school, sitting outside the office until you’re seen and begging them to take her, is not a bad idea and you won’t be the first parent to do that.
There’s no reason your daughter has to feel like an unwanted piece of garbage. If you do take the begging route she should not know about it. As her mother you shouldn’t use such language even here or privately. You don’t want to communicate that attitude to your daughter. She’s a precious bas Yisrael and should know that.
Please don’t equate Modern Orthodox with non religious. You want the best match for your own child and family. If there are schools besides your alma mater that offer a curriculum and environment that will help her grow, reach out to them.

small bean

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 9:49 am

OP pm me.

amother

DarkCyan

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 9:54 am

amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:

I didn’t compare modern orthodox with non religious. There are modern orthodox day schools near Lakewood that have many non religious students. As I clearly wrote.

amother

DarkCyan

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 9:56 am

amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:

Honestly don’t tell me what language to use if you haven’t gone through this yourself.

gootlfriends

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 10:04 am

This is not limited to Lakewood. Its almost everywhere that's a typical Jewish community. They don't feel its their responsibility to take every girl because there are other options. I wouldn't beg any high school to take my child. It might not be the best place for your child since they don't seem to value Jewish education the way they should. And yes, there are not enough schools. Right now my girls are in different schools and I prefer the "second option". They took us because we are orthodox and wanted a bais yaakov education. Plain and simple. And yes, I do think high school as it is currently designed is over rated. Ask most people, they will tell you they don't think they gained much from it.

sky

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 10:07 am

Notsobusy wrote:

We had this too. But elementary age. My dd has no clue.

It is so much harder for high school girls.

One of my neighbors is old lakewood yeshivish family. He was sure his kid would get in high school eventually with family connections. Even he is starting to sweat at this point…

amother

Molasses

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 10:17 am

amother [ DarkCyan ] wrote:

I would send to the MO school without thinking twice.
Mabye if everyone did that the BY schools would have to rethink their strategy.

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