What’s the point of high school (girls)

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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Lakewood, Toms River & Jackson related Inquiries

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amother

DarkCyan

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 10:21 am

amother [ Molasses ] wrote:

I would send to the MO school without thinking twice.
Mabye if everyone did that the BY schools would have to rethink their strategy.

I would have no problem but the MO schools around Lakewood have maybe even majority not frum students, so I don’t think they’re typical MO schools.

amother

Mauve

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 10:41 am

Sadly this isn't a Lakewood specific issue and it isn't limited to HS. My daughter can't get into ANY schools near where we moved and we've been trying for 8 months. I literally begged everyone and everywhere. It was painful, humiliating and hurt my whole family. We still don't have a school for her for 8th grade so she's doing homeschooling. The only school that said yes has girls in 7th grade that use the morning after pill. I can't let my daughter go into such an environment. We even tried a 30 minute away drive to another state. Nada. Big rabbis tried to help. Went nowhere. We pulled every string. And this move, BTW, wasn't our choice. I'm very sick and we're moving in with my MIL. It's been horrible. I no longer care that my daughter will learn at home next year. Honestly, she's better off than attending any of the schools that thoughtlessly told us no. If we can't get her into a high school because of this, then maybe frumkeit isn't for us.

amother

Opal

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 10:52 am

It's really hard but one thing-it's not personal. Your daughter is probably too young to understand this but you should try to realize it's not a reflection on you. I know people on the other side (trying to push people into schools) and they just can't stretch the classrooms anymore. I had 30-32 girls in my class in school (several years ago) pushing in a 33rd girl simply wouldn't have fit.
If you say people should open schools- Aderes and Chedvas just opened 4 and 3 years ago for this purpose and they're stuffed to capacity.

amother

Mauve

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 10:58 am

amother [ Opal ] wrote:

It really feels personal when you beg and cry, only to be told sorry. I happen to have been told yes for my daughter last January at a pretty popular school in our new area. The rabbi told us it was fortunate we had good connections to the school because it's really about who you know. Okay. Bh, we were so relieved. Two months later, we learned that he gave my daughters spot away to a donor's daughter and a few other special cases he made room for. We were dropped. It's felt very, very personal. Especially when the school send us flyers for donations and to honor this rabbi at the school dinner they held. This is just one example of what we've been through. It's about politics and nonsense that shouldn't matter. If it was just about size, don't interview us. Don't lead us on. But it's not. So it's personal.

Mermaidinexile

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 11:11 am

OP- pm me. I am a homeschool teacher and have been teaching limudei kodesh, history, and English for many years. Would love to work with your daughter.

Mommyg8

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 11:13 am

amother [ Opal ] wrote:

I'm sorry, but that's not an excuse. They need to open a lot more schools, and not just 3, 4 years ago.

I know it's wrong of me to complain when I am part of the problem (I know, I'm not volunteering to open a school myself), but still, we're all human. And there's a real problem that cannot be explained by natural growth.

amother

Crocus

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 11:17 am

Just FYI, Bruriah HS in Elizabeth has a number of girls commuting from Lakewood. It's expensive, but my DD graduated two years ago and we were very happy. OTOH, my Lakewood friend's DD was still waiting for HS placement in October but eventually got into a very nice school where she was very happy and B'H got into a very nice seminary. It was a very nerve-wracking time for my friend, but B'H at the end all girls were placed.

Chayalle

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 11:27 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

Aren't two new schools opening this year?

DrMom

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 11:44 am

OP, perhaps the question should not be, "what is the point of sending girls to high school?" but rather "is it really worth it to live in Lakewood?"

amother

Blush

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 11:57 am

I know what this is like. Even now three years later my eyes are tearing jut remembering the pain of trying to get my daughter into a Lakewood HS school.

I remember desperately thinking maybe I should homeschool her? send her every day with the Boro Park bus to Bais Yaakov of BP? (there are people who started to do that) send her out of town? (people do that too)

All I can say is " I am davening for you. May Hashem help you find a good school for your daughter soon."

small bean

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 12:09 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Aren't two new schools opening this year?

Just meiras

small bean

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 12:17 pm

I'm going to say under my screenname my daughter is not in a highschool yet for next year.

My daughter was the top of her clas, GO etc.

I understand how nauseating and political it all is.

My daughter is fine. She's not suffering. She's her regular self..having a wonderful summer..I am not stressed about it. My husband is not stressed about it.

Your daughter will be stronger for this and the tools and attitutude you give over will have lasting impressions.

I'm hapoy to talk more over pm.

Chayalle

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 12:21 pm

Wow small bean. I'm inspired by your equanimity and calm in the face of a situation that most find stressful. And your daughter's, too. And I wish you much Hatzlacha. What a great attitude to take with you in life.

thunderstorm

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 12:24 pm

amother [ Azure ] wrote:

Someone creative should figure something out.
A mix of extra curricular, a few no pressure lessons, a chance to learn responsibility, a time for fun in an appropriate environment….
There are other things in life that should be just as important as people think sitting in high school is.
It will take a great person to successfully break the trend.

I think my highschool years were extremely important. Cant imagine not being in school for those years.
I understand why girls don’t need seminary . But highschool is a different story .

amother

Molasses

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 12:28 pm

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

Horrible.
I can't believe people keep flocking to Lakewood if this is the situation.
I would stay far far away.

Notsobusy

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 12:29 pm

amother [ Crocus ] wrote:

I know people who send to Bruriah and are very happy. But it won't work for a more yeshivish girl. They just won't fit in there.

Chayalle

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 12:31 pm

amother [ Azure ] wrote:

This is not what every girl wants.
You know some girls actually have brains, and enjoy a robust curriculum taught by competent teachers, a chance to gain an education along with skills for life? Some of us went on to get our degrees, too. And diligent learning also teaches responsibility.
Perhaps there are girls who don't need the high school experience, but there are reasons for trends. I for one am not looking to go back to a time when the education of girls was not considered to be important.
I think the OP's message is really one of pain. It's a situation that needs to be resolved if we want to keep the future builders of our nation (borrowing a phrase from my DD's high school song) within our own school system.

Chayalle

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 12:34 pm

amother [ Molasses ] wrote:

Horrible.
I can't believe people keep flocking to Lakewood if this is the situation.
I would stay far far away.

Does amother Mauve live in Lakewood?
Because I don't think what she posted is common in Lakewood.
Did you read her post? It doesn't sound like she lives here.
In Lakewood, most of the time it's a full-from-siblings flooded-with-applicants situation.
Which is because people are flocking to Lakewood, of course.

amother

Mauve

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 12:45 pm

Chayalle wrote:

We're not in Lakewood. My point was that this isn't a problem specific to Lakewood, unfortunately. I get OP...

amother

Geranium

Mon, Jul 26 2021, 12:45 pm

amother [ DarkCyan ] wrote:

I would have no problem but the MO schools around Lakewood have maybe even majority not frum students, so I don’t think they’re typical MO schools.

I don't know how far you're willing for her to travel, or how she would be there, but have you looked into Reenas in Edison? RW OOT type of school, certainly every student there is from a very frum family.

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