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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
I wish I didn’t send my daughter to sleep away camp
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:30 am
OP, I am a helicopter mom and I come from a long line of helicopter parents. You probably are a bit like me so I get why it’s hard, but it’s sooo important for us to fight our inborn nature to give our children independence.
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oakandfig19




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:36 am
I have mixed feelings about this. I think it’s good for kids to be on their own and become more independent. However, I’m a BT who never did summer camp, the closest thing I did was a week long camp during the school year. I have so many amazing memories of going camping and hiking and going to the beach with my family. I want to give my children those same memories, and not just one week out of the summer. I’ll probably also send to camp though.
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amother
Teal


 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:37 am
I hated camp as a kid and cannot understand which cruel person thought up of this terrible idea. And I really enjoyed the fact that my kids were home last summer. We spent time together and really grew.
But I did send 6 of my children to camp and I found that most of them really loved it and really matured over the time they were there. The one who refused to eat chicken at home - learned how to eat chicken. The one who never made his bed was so determined to get a 10+ in cleanup so he sent home his second pillow because it made his bed look lumpy. They all learn independence and grow so much in camp. One child forgot to call home for Shabbos because he was busy having a great time. I was imagining him falling in a puddle of mud and not being able to figure out how to use the phones to call home.
The staff in camp are the type of people who want the best for your child but mothers need to worry and kids need this to grow.
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Genius




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 8:44 am
I’m wondering about the bathroom trips at night. Isn’t this practice reserved for the pregnant women and people over 50?
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 9:09 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
She’s young. She was begging for 2 years. dh thought it would be good for her. She had a friend who was going so I gave in and let but for months I had a sinking feeling in my heart.
She left yesterday.
I’m trying to understand why this is a normal thing for young girls to do? Why is it normal for parents to pack up their child’s clothing and send them away for a month??? Children belong with their parents until they get married!
I know girls go to camp all the time and have wonderful memories. I know they make new friends and enjoy themselves for the most part. But what about the hard times? Why is it okay to put your child through that?? All night long I’m picturing my daughter laying in a bed in a room full of bunk beds with girls she doesn’t know yet. She’s always cold. I’m picturing her shivering in the cold country air. I’m wondering if she’s afraid to get up to use the bathroom. She usually goes 1-2 times a night. I’m hoping she figured out how to put her sheet on her bed and that she’s not laying on a bare mattress that the sheet came off of. I’m hoping she had an easy time unpacking all the things I jammed into her duffel bags. Did she know where to put her things?? Did she find her brush stuffed into the front zipper pocket?
Is she unable to sleep with so many people in the room? She usually sleeps with one sister. Is she laying in the dark wondering why I actually sent her away and didn’t put my foot down and be more firm and make her wait till she’s older? Is she homesick? Will she regret her choice? Will everyone be nice to her? Will she get past being self conscious and allow herself to talk to girls she doesn’t know. Will she have a good time even though sleeping away from home for a month is so hard?
All I can think is that I’m pretty sure sleep away camps must have started many years ago for orphans who had no home. How could so many parents think this is normal at this point? I know so many people will respond and tell me that when they sent their daughter for the first time she came back happy.
I’m sure not everyone came back thrilled. I’m positive that many girls actually have a very hard time. Does anyone understand how parents can send their kids away for so long??


This post made me cry. Wonder if my mother had half a thought like this when I did my own shopping, packed my own duffels, and went off to camp as a preteen.
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 9:10 am
amother [ Blonde ] wrote:
This post made me cry. Wonder if my mother had half a thought like this when I did my own shopping, packed my own duffels, and went off to camp as a preteen.

Neither extreme is healthy
This girl will have her own trauma to deal with
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amother
Hyacinth


 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 9:24 am
OP, its perfectly normal to worry.

But this is going to be a wonderful experience for your daughter.

You're concerned that she is unable to make her bed correctly, figure out to put on a sweatshirt or add a heavier blanket if she's cold, or unpack a suitcase, and suggest that she need not do these things until marriage. Well, she's going to be awfully lost and in bad shape if she goes into marriage not being able to find her hair brush in a suitcase. She needs these skills. And I assure you that she has them.

I hope she enjoys her summer.
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 9:25 am
Personally I loved going away summers. At home I had a lot of responsibility and it gave me a chance to be a kid (even though I was working). The best thing you want for your kid is for them to learn to speak up and take care of their needs, independently
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amother
Purple


 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 9:28 am
I can relate. I sent off my oldest son last week. He wanted to go last year already but couldn't due to Covid so this year it was a given.
I worry about him unpacking himself. His bedroom is always a wreck so I don't want to imagine what his cubby/shelves look like.
I worry about his food. He's slightly intolerant to some foods and I worry that he should have enough food he can eat. I did send along lots of food options in his "nosh" box but still.
I worry about his social life. He isn't the easiest kid to get along with (being honest here) and I hope for him that things go smoothly.
I worry about him staying physically safe, not being molested, not doing dangerous stuff, not catching any dangerous viruses or illnesses...

But I figure: It's my job to worry AND it's his job to go ahead and anyway do normal common-among-his-peers stuff. Hopefully he will be better off for it.
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vintagebknyc




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 10:10 am
OP, if your daughter is cold, I'm sure you've taught her to put on a sweater. If she has to use the restroom, I'm sure you've taught her how to find it. If she sleeps on a bed with sheets at home, I'm sure she's figured out how to recreate the same at camp, or at least watched the other girls. You sound like a very caring mom, I'm sure you've taught her all these things!
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Another mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 5:03 pm
I LOVED camp - the best memories! Don't feel bad, feel happy that you can give her this great experience.
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amother
Beige


 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 5:16 pm
Zehava wrote:
Neither extreme is healthy
This girl will have her own trauma to deal with


I’m sorry, but this is so mean and I feel compelled to stick up for this poor mom.
It’s not like she didn’t let her daughter go to camp and is holding her hostage in the house. She sent her to camp despite her worries. I don’t know why you would bash her parenting like this. She is a good caring mother, maybe a bit on the anxious side.
Are you such a perfect parent?
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amother
Poppy


 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 6:06 pm
Zehava wrote:
Neither extreme is healthy
This girl will have her own trauma to deal with


Exactly, I hope OP learns from this thread to give her daughter some space, even though she sounds well meaning.
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amother
Acacia


 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 6:35 pm
Op, I sent my oldest this year for the first time. He has numerous health issues including severe food allergies. He is completely spaced out and is very messy. He relies on me for everything, including cutting his chicken off the bone . He has a difficult time socially at times and is extremely stubborn. I am the ultimate helicopter parent. Especially because I was raised with parents that were emotionally absent and out of sync with me and my need. It was with a very heavy heart that I sent him to camp. But I knew , after doing my due diligence to ensure that he was going into a safe environment and trying to prepare him properly , that ultimately this would be a growing experience for him. He needs the space. He needs the independence. He needs the room to make mistakes and learn from them. He is either loving camp or not, but the experiences he is having now will make him be stronger and give him life skills for the future.

As for me, all Ican do is daven for his success snd learn to let go .
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 6:38 pm
amother [ Beige ] wrote:
I’m sorry, but this is so mean and I feel compelled to stick up for this poor mom.
It’s not like she didn’t let her daughter go to camp and is holding her hostage in the house. She sent her to camp despite her worries. I don’t know why you would bash her parenting like this. She is a good caring mother, maybe a bit on the anxious side.
Are you such a perfect parent?

Sometimes good caring mothers can traumatize their kids. It’s just a fact of life.
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 6:59 pm
amother [ Opal ] wrote:


I totally get you though. My son went on a day camp overnight last night and I worried about him all night. I just want to talk to him for a second to make sure he's OK and then I can go back to sleep....


#metoo! exactly! probably same camp Smile
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amother
Navyblue


 

Post Thu, Jul 29 2021, 2:03 am
The not knowing is really hard, OP. Can you call a staff member and have them just check on your daughter? For me, I am ever so grateful for the modern practice of camp photographer. I used to laugh at it, but now I am beyond appreciative, especially for the wonderful photographer at DD's camp that put up tens of pictures every day. I obsessively check the first few days and feel so reassured that she is smiling and with other girls.

I also sent a DS to camp unwillingly. He's been before, didn't love it, and was not excited about going back. He has various challenges and was going through a rough spot in school, and we really felt that this was the best thing for him to do.

When his counselor called and told me he was wetting the bed I felt awful, especially when he said there was concern of teasing. Eventually the camp worked with him (and us obviously) to get a prescription for desmopressin (something he wouldn't have considered had I suggested it), and he is smiling in the latest pictures I see of him.

I send him letters praising him for doing something challenging, and send him frequent gifts. It hurts as a mother to know he's going through a tough time, but he'd have it tough at home too, and I know this is much better for him.

It is very hard to be a mother. We make the best decisions we can with the information we've got, try to keep our personal biases out of it, but live vicariously with our kids' emotional reactions, and deal with the fallout either way.

Wishing you (and your DD) an amazing, positive, and transformative summer.
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amother
Eggshell


 

Post Thu, Jul 29 2021, 2:10 am
I always have a hard time sending my kids to camp, but they love camp so I just take a deep breath and wave goodbye with a smile. Your worries are normal but the odds are good that your dd will have a blast. My older girls are in their early 20s and they gained so much from camp:

    Close friends from different cities that they stay close to all year by calling, texting, and zoom

    Inspiration in ruchnius (they’re more open to growth and change in camp versus school)

    The chance to reinvent themselves if they want (for one of my daughters who had a bad friend situation in school this was huge and gave her the confidence to turn around the school situation)

    The opportunity to try new things and learn more about their strengths, weaknesses, and interests

    Learning how to get along with different personalities because you’re in the same bunk and have no choice (in camp you have to develop social skills that you might be able to avoid during the school year)

    Increased independence and confidence since mommy’s not around and you have to learn how to take care of things yourself


We found that during seminary interviews, the fact that they had gone to camp for years was seen as a big plus, since people assumed that meant they had developed the ability to be flexible, independent, and to get along with people who were different from them.

We found that having that network of camp friends in other cities was great for our girls in seminary because they already knew a bunch of kids.

We’re finding that some very good shidduch possibilities come via camp friends shmoozing about their older brothers’ friends!
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