15dd texting inappropriate pics of herself to boys

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 10:25 pm

I know it’s coming from low self esteem. She has a good life but unfortunately doesn’t do well in school and this past year her self respect went out the window. She keeps promising she won’t do these things anymore and then a guy will ask and she’s an easy target becuase of her fragile state. All posters are going to say - well this is why we don’t let our kids talk to the opposite gender.
But I’m asking the people in the modern orthodox world or anyone open minded enough to answer me honestly - what can I do to build my daughter up that she has enough self respect not to do these things ? Thank you

behappy2

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 10:55 pm

Role play with her to give her the courage. I'm not MO. You could always get her therapy But I would try this regardless.

amother

DarkYellow

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:00 pm

Let her get involved in some extra curricular activity - dancing, acting, music, exercise, art....whatever interests her....so she'll have something to energize her and keep her occupied, and feeling good about herself. Maybe you can hold onto her phone for a while so she's not tempted. Or take away some features so she can't do it.

TBW

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:06 pm

Does she have older brothers..father .maybe even cool grandfather etc. who can take her out/hang out with her so she can get some positive male attention in a different way?

amother

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:07 pm

She’s in therapy which is great. And extracurricular is something we’ve been trying to brainstorm about - since covid she’s in a rut (gyms closed and social functions ceased) I plan to have her volunteer somewhere. She loves kids. thanks for suggestions. Keep them coming.

amother

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:09 pm

TBW wrote:

Does she have older brothers..father .maybe even cool grandfather etc. who can take her out/hang out with her so she can get some positive male attention in a different way?

I think I’ll have her dad make an effort to take her out once a week. We’ve been trying to build their relationship but I agree with you that it’s a big priority

trixx

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:10 pm

I'm so concerned for the privacy aspect. There's been a documentary about this I can't rmmbr the name .can you watch it with her and discuss.

amother

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:12 pm

trixx wrote:

I'm so concerned for the privacy aspect. There's been a documentary about this I can't rmmbr the name .can you watch it with her and discuss.

I know. It’s so scary. If you remember or anyone else pls chime in! I would love to watch it with her

amother

Cyan

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:13 pm

How is she occupying herself during the day? Boredom is the worst thing at this age. Try to fill her day with an enjoyable fulfilling schedule.

amother

Mintcream

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:14 pm

So sorry!
First of all I would take away her phone- responsibilities and privileges- she has shown she cannot use it responsibly
And in the meantime you help protect her from herself
Good suggestions upthread too
Hugs and hatzlocha

DrMom

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:18 pm

I'm not sure just how inappropriate these inappropriate pictures are, but you should make her aware that once you send an image to someone's phone, he can share it with an one of his contacts in a matter of seconds, and can wind up being seen by people with whom she had no intention of sharing it.

amother

Viola

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:37 pm

I did the same thing when I was younger, a lot. I don’t know your DDs personality but if it were me and things were done to try to stop me, it wouldn’t have and just would have made me want to do it more..

I learned pretty quickly that it wasn’t the way to gain respect from boys and only ended up hurting me. I had to learn the hard way, including having a very revealing picture of myself sent to one person, who sent it to EVERYBODY. It was so horrible and embarrassing and I never did it again.

I think taking her phone away or blocking features is a really bad idea. The best way is like other posters mentioned, to work on improving her relationships with men and showing her that she can be respected and appreciated for herself, not her body. But it might also just be something she goes through and learns from, which will hopefully make her stronger on the other side. I learned a lot from my experiences and while I didn’t enjoy the way I learned my lessons, I don’t regret the things I did that got me to the person I am now

imasinger

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:41 pm

Would she read a book you gave her? There's are several written for teens explaining why these things are dangerous.

Crookshanks

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:47 pm

Can you get her into volunteering? It's such a healthy outlet, and it will help her feel good about herself and good in general. Does your community have a friendship circle type program? Can she visit children in hospitals?

amother

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:53 pm

amother [ Viola ] wrote:

This gives me so much hope. She definitely talks like that- like she knows she’s doing stupid things but growing from them etc.

amother

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:54 pm

Crookshanks wrote:

Yes that’s exactly my plan. She needs to give to feel good about herself.

amother

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:55 pm

imasinger wrote:

Would she read a book you gave her? There's are several written for teens explaining why these things are dangerous.

Unfortunately she is not a reader. And we’ve had so so many conversations of why it’s bad. She really understands and vows to stop this until she meets the next guy who wants to take advantage Sad

Happened with two or three guys.

Laiya

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:56 pm

Are these boys she knows personally? Or met online but not in person?

amother

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:57 pm

DrMom wrote:

She knows all of this. (It’s inappropriate- n-de)
She keeps falling prey to sickos. (2-3 guys over the course of a year. It’s been a rough year for her)

amother

Wed, Jul 28 2021, 11:59 pm

Laiya wrote:

Are these boys she knows personally? Or met online but not in person?

Thank god all out of towners that she never met. She vows to never meet them either. She would never do this with a guy she’ll see.

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