S/O Do BTs become frum mainly to Live truth and reveal Hashe

sneakermom

Sun, Aug 01 2021, 11:52 pm

I don’t think trauma is always a prerequisite for becoming a BT. Besides, all humans have trauma. It’s impossible to avoid it.

From a trauma perspective: We do gravitate towards safety. If being frum feels safe then we will seek it out. And if being frum feels unsafe…we are more likely to leave.

But we do have a soul and the soul can recognize truth. And that might be the deciding factor in the choices we make. To choose something because we know is truth is living a life with a higher purpose.

BrisketBoss

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 12:02 am

amother [ Pear ] wrote:

I’d love to hear more 😀

My mom didn't want to send me to the Orthodox high school because her friend's daughter went there and became frum. So she sent me to a different Jewish school but I really liked one of the frum boys there! Man plans and G-d laughs, right?

I transitioned slowly to make it easier on myself and my family, and because I was less confident in the beginning that it was what I wanted to do. But the boy's whole family mekareved me, not just him. I consider his father to be a spiritual mentor. He doesn't explain things the way other people do. He makes more sense. It's a very special family to be part of.

Zehava

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 12:13 am

BH Yom Yom wrote:

Shulem Deen had trauma growing up.

Yeah he did, though nothing close to the trauma of the others I know.
But he describes his intellectual process in depth and it makes sense. He’s very logical about his whole journey. So probably trauma played a role but so did intellect.
The other men I know didn’t think it through nearly as deeply as he did.

amother

Bluebonnet

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 12:23 am

Zehava wrote:

The same reason people go otd or make any other big lifestyle change. To escape trauma and find happiness elsewhere.

You are probably right for most of the time. I did have trauma but as a result I was looking for the truth. If I didn’t find out that the Tora is the truth I wouldn’t have become frum. Zehava it seems that you yourself don’t believe that the Tora is truth. You keep saying that people become religious just because they are looking for escape and a bandaid. It’s not everyone some people believe that we have the only truth in the world.

Zehava

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 12:28 am

amother [ Bluebonnet ] wrote:

I’m saying what I see and what I know. FTR if you read many otd memoirs they also claim to have had questions and therefor did research and concluded that the truth lies elsewhere or that there is no truth.
But the facts on the ground are they I see a disproportionate amount of heavy trauma in both populations, BT and OTD. I also see broken family ties in many instances.
I think as human beings we lead with our instincts and emotions more than our intellect most of the time, even if subconsciously. That’s just my hypothesis. Feel free to disagree.

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 12:56 am

Zehava wrote:

And I believe God created trauma to serve as a catalyst for casting off the old self in search of a healing truth. Trauma and intellectual truth-seeking can coexist. I am ffb, but reinvented myself religiously in highschool as a result of trauma. I was looking for healing, truth, and purity, and that lead me becoming frummer and more immersed in Torah learning/lifestyle. And it would definitely have been more comfortable to remain the old me, but my search for truth in the wake of trauma demanded the change.

#BestBubby

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 1:12 am

I am an FFB.

But I think most frum Jews have a better quality of life then secular.

People go through terrible hardships but knowing that it is Bashert / part of a Master Plan helps one get through it.

Religious peoples lives have meaning which is necessary for happiness.

And Frum have lower rate of divorce. adultery addiction etc.

amother

Ginger

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 1:13 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

S/O Do BTs become frum mainly to "Live truth and reveal Hashem in the world"?

(Another thread discussed how frum people arent necessarily better people in any way, other than their practice of Mitzvahs they (on an individual basis) feel are important to practice.

I thought at least one of the reasons BTs become frum was to raise kids with less outside influences in frum communities, as opposed to the world at large, and have more refined products.

I was called delusional, because irreligious and non Jewish kids are equally refined.

That made me want to hear opinions.

Are there other reasons many BT's become frum other than wanting to "Live truth and reveal Hashem in the world"?

tia

What is "have more refined products"?

Zehava

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 1:17 am

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

That is one cruel catalyst. One that leaves you with lifelong scars even in the best of circumstances. Even those that seem to have “risen above” and are successful, struggle with CPTSD every day. Not to mention those that succumb to addiction and mental illness because of it.
That same catalyst is a catalyst for crime, further abuse, addiction, personality disorders, and so much more.
All so some people can reinvent themselves?

honeymoon

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 1:22 am

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

Do you also believe God sends trauma so that people can reinvent themselves into people devoid of any spirituality? Or does this theory only work the other way around?

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 1:28 am

amother [ Brass ] wrote:

Perhaps we should distinguish between male and female BTs

My father is a BT. He is and always was a big philosopher and truth seeker as well as a very principled person motivated almost exclusively by right and wrong.

He definitely did not become frum because of interest in potato kugel or because he thought he would have a better family life. I did however hear him say more than once that he suspects the latter is a motive by many female BTs.

As far as the accusation that he was looking to escape trauma, he had and has a very good relationship with his family and as he once put it about this very issue "if you are looking for an escape from something opioids provides a wonderful relief too and you don't need to get all dressed up and follow all sorts of rules to smoke them..."

What a disgusting sexist post.

imaima

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 1:28 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

For me it was very personal but not trauma. It was definitely a huge change and I'm definitely a creature of habit. So I vote for love as another great motivator. I always liked that story we studied in school about a Jewish guy who goes to see a lady of the night but his tzitzis whack him in the face and he can't go through with it, and she's so impressed that she converts and marries him. That's great stuff.

Is that great stuff? Oh well.

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 1:44 am

Zehava wrote:

Yes Zahava, I believe in God, that He only does good, and even the pain of trauma is ultimately a gift of love. And yes, I believe that all that pain is in place to propel people to find Him. If we were never in darkness, we wouldn't search for the light. I am one of those people with PTSD from a broken childhood, and I know that God and I planned this path for me to Him, and I thank Him for the pain and pleasure of my life. I know that this is the life I chose before entering this world, for my soul's unique tikkun. I believe my trauma and my decisions to commit to God on a greater level are intertwined, and my story is unfolding exactly the way it is supposed to. And now I will sign off, good night, and always blessings to you on your journey of healing!

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 1:49 am

honeymoon wrote:

Do you also believe God sends trauma so that people can reinvent themselves into people devoid of any spirituality? Or does this theory only work the other way around?

God sends trauma to direct people to Him. Through the darkness one is forced to search for light. Every person has the choice to use his life's circumstances to draw closer or further from spirituality, but God only does good. God does all for our benifit, to draw us to grow closer to Him. Good night Honeymoon, all the best to you!!

honeymoon

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 1:56 am

amother [ Turquoise ] wrote:

You seem like a person who used your trauma to come closer to God. Kudos to you. Unfortunately, it doesn't turn out that way for everyone and it is not our place to pass judgement.
Good night to you too.

Iymnok

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 2:10 am

Most people sense some incongruity in their lives and search (some harder than others) for clarity and meaning. Some come from stable backgrounds, some not. Some stumbled on the emes and continued after it.

amother

Ginger

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 2:14 am

What made me do teshuva as I was doing it and what was the actual reason as explored later in therapy, were both very self-oriented things that had nothing to do with children.

Matter of fact, the whole children thing took me by surprise.