How to handle 4 yo who gets hyper when guests come

amother

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 7:43 pm

Hyper like pulling someone’s sheitel, spitting at them, jumping on them.

How do you handle a 4 yo with such excitement when guests come? I hate having guests but can’t exactly tell my parents siblings and in laws they can never come.

amother

Gladiolus

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 7:44 pm

tell them in advance certain times that do and don't work for you or that during this phase it simply won't work much to your chagrin
let them know you are working on it
get a sitter
or something else proactive
like have dh take kid out or something and you visit them with or without the child
hugs and hatzlocha

I would approach this proactively

amother

Nasturtium

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 7:47 pm

How is he normally? I would limit his sugar intake in general. I would probably hold on to him or keep him really close to me. As soon as I see him going near anyone I would just pull him back. Close family I think should be able to deal with it and ignore. But if they don't react well to it I would limit the visits until the behavior stops.

amother

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 7:49 pm

amother [ Fern ] wrote:

Have him evaluated. That's not normal. Maybe there is medication that can help.

This is the only time he’s so hyper. Normally it’s very manageable. It’s like he has feelings of love and or excitement that he doesn’t know how to express

amother

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 7:50 pm

amother [ Nasturtium ] wrote:

I guess I’ll try.
It’s not with kids his own age- it’s with the aunts and uncles. And grandparents.

amother

Birch

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 7:58 pm

I think he is communicating that he is so happy and excited and wants attention from them
The issue is that usually the guests won't be giving him their utmost attention THE ENTIRE VISIT and therefore he keeps trying to communicate his need in a 4 year old way.

Not sure how to deal with it..lol just my 2 cents (my kids used to be little like this I guess over time they outgrew it)

amother

DarkViolet

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 7:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This is really bad behavior. I'd be concerned and applaud you for trying to improve it.
The child cannot come out and be with the family if s/he behaves that way.

oneofakind

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 8:30 pm

I would have a discussion with dc before guests come including a role play where both of you act out the right and wrong way to behave and think of alternative behaviors. I would also think of jobs I.e. bring out food for when they come.

amother

Jasmine

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 8:30 pm

I don’t agree with previous posters at all, I think this is pretty typical of little kids. They often get hyper and crazy when guests come, trying to show off or prove themselves. My kids can certainly get like that and I’ve seen others do it as well. I’d try to be proactive by letting him use a special new toy or craft when the guests come, something that would keep him occupied. Even screen time for a little bit if necessary

FranticFrummie

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 8:35 pm

amother [ DarkViolet ] wrote:

This is really bad behavior. I'd be concerned and applaud you for trying to improve it.
The child cannot come out and be with the family if s/he behaves that way.

I would not come over to a friend's house, if I knew I was going to be greeted by this kind of behavior. Just because it's common, doesn't make it OK. I've been around tons of 4yo kids in my life, and the majority of them can tell right from wrong, and contain themselves.

If your child has a problem with impulsivity, I doubt this is the only time it comes up. If your child CAN control themselves in other situations, then they should be able to control themselves with guests, too.

OP, what happens when you tell him "no" and "stop it"?

snowflake1

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 8:38 pm

Do you think it’s a sensory overload?. I have a daughter that has a lot of tantrums around the Shabbos meal specially if we go out or around a lot of guests. Here are some things that are helpful
-Giving her an Ices to suck on the couch.-Giving her a hot drink—Giving her a fine motor task
-Giving her a job of how to help.
-Doing some heavy work —deep feeling such as
Standing In front of a mattress, bed or a beanbag. Lift hands above the head. The goal is to fall down without bracing themselves
If -it is an attention thing, maybe make up with your son that each person will give them five minutes of their attention. Of course making sure with the guest that this will be OK
you can teach him about time in advance as well
- also speaking to her about the issue before hand. You would be surprised. Your son might have more insight into his behavior.

amother

Jasmine

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 8:38 pm

[quote="trixx"]No, it's not normal of a 4 year old.
Clearly the kid lacks regulating skills. I would definitely not give screen time then.[

I don’t agree, Ive seen a number of typical 4 years olds acting like this. Clearly we disagree, but stating so firmly that it is not normal without knowing more is not right to a concerned mother.

amother

Seablue

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 8:39 pm

To all those saying it's "not normal", maybe you never had a hyperactive kid. My 6yr old DS gets VERY hyper when guests come. Not pulling a shaitel but he's also 2 yrs older than OPs son. I think it's a nature and yes needs lots of talking before but it's not always 100% preventable.

trixx

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 8:51 pm

[quote="amother [ Jasmine ]"]

trixx wrote:

No, it's not normal of a 4 year old.
Clearly the kid lacks regulating skills. I would definitely not give screen time then.[

I don’t agree, Ive seen a number of typical 4 years olds acting like this. Clearly we disagree, but stating so firmly that it is not normal without knowing more is not right to a concerned mother.

Pulling on a sheitel?
Spitting?
It's not normal. I didn't say the kid is special needs. Maybe he was just raised with zero discipline or like I said, regulating skills. But that still doesn't make it normal.
Shrieking, jumping, being silly, yes that's normal. Overstimulation is one thing but bad behavior is another.

Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 9:09 pm

Lots and lots of role play before. Have "guests" come to practice on (like a relative) after role playing to get used to outsiders who won't be offended and they're amenable to this...

amother

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 9:09 pm

A few things:
He doesn’t ever care for screen time.
He does sometimes hit his baby sister (age 1) for no reason.
When I tell him I love him, he sometimes responds by smiling and then hitting me or calling me poopy.
It really does seem to me like it’s him having a hard time with his emotions.

What type of evaluation is suggested?

In my opinion it’s “Normal” meaning not unusual for this age but definitely needs to be addressed.

-Sunnygirl

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 9:52 pm

amother [ Seablue ] wrote:

Agreed, also question is, does he calm down once theyre there for a while? or is he wild and hyper the entire visit? sometimes the initial excitement is hard for kids to handle but then they get used to the guests in their home...

-Sunnygirl

Mon, Aug 02 2021, 9:52 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I would assume it would be a general psych eval. it doesnt only seem like a sensory issue which would be OT.