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What's the source for naming after a relative?
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 4:39 pm
and where did all the parental pressure start?
I'm finally pregnant and giving a name I like is really important to me, but no! satisfying and honoring the grandparents of the baby is more important. as in naming after a great-grandparent.
Can someone please share where all this came from?
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LovesHashem




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 4:41 pm
Name the baby something you like. If you have a very close relative name the second name that relatives name.

If anyone is mad at you for the next 20 years over your babys name it's their problem and not yours.
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miriam845




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 4:46 pm
I think it's a nice thing to name after a relative, as it preserves their memory especially if it's someone you knew or remember, however if you have a different name in mind that you really want to give you should have every right to do so without feeling pressured. another option is to give the name you like and add another name that is from a grandparent.
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amother




RosePink
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 4:52 pm
I named after family members I loved because I wanted to. We took the turns that were pertinent to us (I.e. when I didn’t have a girl’s name I cared about- my husband chose a name, because he did and vice versa). If someone forced me to give a particular relative’s name, I likely would have l’hachis named the baby a random name I liked. I don’t do pressure.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 5:00 pm
I wish I could do what y'all suggest. I wish I was the one in shul whispering the name into the Rabbi's ear, but I'm not. also, since the name is on dh's side he'll be the one suffering if I put my foot down. his family won't let him hear the end of it. It's so unfair.
I thought long and hard and did some digging, there isn't even one nickname that could make the name more palatable to me.

so, I'm curious is there a source for this or is it just pressure and kavod-seeking from parents (who already got to name their own children...)
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PinkFridge




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 6:22 pm
Do you have a rav or rebbetzin you can talk to? And b'shaa tova!
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amother




Aster
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 6:23 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I wish I could do what y'all suggest. I wish I was the one in shul whispering the name into the Rabbi's ear, but I'm not. also, since the name is on dh's side he'll be the one suffering if I put my foot down. his family won't let him hear the end of it. It's so unfair.
I thought long and hard and did some digging, there isn't even one nickname that could make the name more palatable to me.

so, I'm curious is there a source for this or is it just pressure and kavod-seeking from parents (who already got to name their own children...)

It’s YOUR baby. YOU choose the name.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 6:55 pm
PinkFridge wrote:
Do you have a rav or rebbetzin you can talk to? And b'shaa tova!


no, I don't. my husband might consult with his "rebbe" but I don't think he'll care that I dislike the name.
dh once asked him if we can add a name because I wanted to and he said no.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 6:55 pm
amother [ Aster ] wrote:
It’s YOUR baby. YOU choose the name.


that's how it should be! and I want to know who to blame for it not being this way.
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amother




RosePink
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 6:57 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
that's how it should be! and I want to know who to blame for it not being this way.


I would think he’d be a lot more upset if his wife would be upset at him forever because he named his baby a name she hated. My husband was joking about using a different name instead of my mother’s, and I asked him how badly he wanted me to hate him forever.
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amother




Apricot
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 6:57 pm
amother [ RosePink ] wrote:
I named after family members I loved because I wanted to. We took the turns that were pertinent to us (I.e. when I didn’t have a girl’s name I cared about- my husband chose a name, because he did and vice versa). If someone forced me to give a particular relative’s name, I likely would have l’hachis named the baby a random name I liked. I don’t do pressure.


Totally get that Rosepink, but I have to say something. When you're naming a baby you're giving a name to holy neshama that you, your dh and Hashem just brought into this world. It's not a good time for l'hachis. It's not a good time for any kind of kaas or angry feelings. People like to say that the baby's mother has special ruach hakodesh to know what name to give. I don't know a source for that, could be it's true. I do know the nevi'im themselves were not able to get nevuah unless they were in a state of simcha. Feeling anger at others would probably cancel out any chance you have at getting the ruach hakodesh to name your baby. Not telling you what name to give, just something to think about.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 6:58 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
no, I don't. my husband might consult with his "rebbe" but I don't think he'll care that I dislike the name.
dh once asked him if we can add a name because I wanted to and he said no.

Why don’t you go talk to him together?
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amother




Seagreen
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 7:05 pm
Its a beautiful thing and very meaningful thing to do. Now the bad manners of demands and pressure is not a source, just bad behavior.
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amother




NeonOrange
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 7:06 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
that's how it should be! and I want to know who to blame for it not being this way.


Your fault.

Be assertive.
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amother




NeonOrange
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 7:12 pm
Anyways, since when does a Rebbe or Rav get to have a say in naming a child? It's not halacha.

One can go and talk it through but the final decision is always the parents.
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amother




RosePink
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 7:15 pm
amother [ Apricot ] wrote:
Totally get that Rosepink, but I have to say something. When you're naming a baby you're giving a name to holy neshama that you, your dh and Hashem just brought into this world. It's not a good time for l'hachis. It's not a good time for any kind of kaas or angry feelings. People like to say that the baby's mother has special ruach hakodesh to know what name to give. I don't know a source for that, could be it's true. I do know the nevi'im themselves were not able to get nevuah unless they were in a state of simcha. Feeling anger at others would probably cancel out any chance you have at getting the ruach hakodesh to name your baby. Not telling you what name to give, just something to think about.


You’re right. But I’m not super rational when I’m so hormonal. And when I’m looking at a lifetime of calling the child I carried for 9 months a name that I can’t stand.
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amother




Aster
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 7:24 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
that's how it should be! and I want to know who to blame for it not being this way.

But it is that way. Stand up for yourself! You don’t have to give in to pressure. Whoever it is that’s pressuring you is wrong.
I happen to have named after grandparents because it was meaningful to us AND we liked the names. There were 3 close relatives niftar recently that have names that we highly dislike. I have zero intention to use them. We will change them/similar meaning, letters etc or not use them at all. No one else names your child besides for the parents!!
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amother




Apricot
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 7:37 pm
amother [ RosePink ] wrote:
You’re right. But I’m not super rational when I’m so hormonal. And when I’m looking at a lifetime of calling the child I carried for 9 months a name that I can’t stand.


You don't have to give a name you can't stand. That's not what I was trying to say. You do have to somehow not feel angry when you're naming your baby. I named one of mine while very angry at a certain family member. It was a long time ago and I still regret it. I also have issues with that dc that I don't have with the others. You can tell me there's no connection but you won't convince me.
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amother




Cyclamen
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 7:40 pm
I believe the idea of naming after someone is that this was a good person and you want your child to emulate them and their good deeds. Which is why I don't like to name for relatives that weren't good people as it kinda negates the idea.
It's also I think possibly a connection to the original person's neshama.
But it is not the job of the grandparents of the baby to insert their opinion into the naming of the child. I feel like parents can say this was the name of x relative, but that's as far as it should go. They should not be interfering and causing tension between husband and wife at an already stressful time. I wish all parents realized this.
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amother




RosePink
 

Post Wed, Aug 04 2021, 7:43 pm
amother [ Apricot ] wrote:
You don't have to give a name you can't stand. That's not what I was trying to say. You do have to somehow not feel angry when you're naming your baby. I named one of mine while very angry at a certain family member. It was a long time ago and I still regret it. I also have issues with that dc that I don't have with the others. You can tell me there's no connection but you won't convince me.


Definitely a point.
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