Please explain the value in not having texting

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singleagain

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 9:42 am

Lovable wrote:

Meh
I find the bolded really off. Texting=illusion? Your post comes across as defensive and Im not sure why. No one is encouraging people without text to get it, just seeking explanations.
But please be advised that texting happens to be an amazing way of keeping in touch with the people you dont really have time to speak with. I dont know about you, but I work most of the day and do not have time to shmooze with friends, family, and acquaintances on a daily basis.

It's through text and text-based apps that I have my best friend in the entire world without whom I might not even be on this Earth today.

Texting is not an illusion of relationship it can be just as real as in person or phone calls

And honestly if you are addicted to it it's not the texting that's the problem It's the addiction cuz you can get addicted to anything texting you just the method

You also don't have to ban it as a general rule for the individual few people will affect that much

Mommyg8

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 9:42 am

Blessing1 wrote:

Texting is not a problem for YOU. Texting is not wrong for YOU. But others decided to choose this boundary for themselves and there's nothing wrong with that. I understand and admire it. It is not silly to not text as a frum thing. It's quite praiseworthy.

I don't know if this was OP's question, but I'm questioning why it's FRUMMER, not necessarily why someone who values family time, for example, doesn't want to text. I don't understand what's frummer about not texting and I don't get the point at all.

Personally, I would be a much more present mother if I didn't have to work, but tuitions.... so if working to pay tuitions is a frum thing, I don't understand how texting is a not frum thing. It's the same thing (and working takes me MUCH more away from my kids than texting ever does).

Mommyg8

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 9:43 am

Blessing1 wrote:

Most people don't have email at hand all the time like texting. Definitely not the crowd that doesn't text. How can letter writing even be compared to texting? It's not instant back and forth conversation.
No texting is a boundary, just like any other boundary, and I understand it.

Most people do have the phone on hand. All the time. And they use it. I think the phone is way more distracting than texting is.

Mommyg8

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 9:46 am

Simple1 wrote:

For the most part I don't find texting a problem. However, on occasion when I use it to vent, I usually regret it after, because the words are there to stay. When you talk in person, the conversation evolves to the point where you likely end off on a pleasant note.

I definitely don't find texting addictive. Once the discussion gets too complicated, I end up making a call.

So maybe I'm showing my age, but I don't text anything more than one or two lines (unless it's an information text). I don't text anything that gets even a tiny bit complicated, but that's just for me, because I feel it gets confusing, nothing to do with frumkeit. I feel that texting a long conversation just gets too complicated and once the conversation goes past two sentences, I call.

People can get into plenty of fights on the phone or in person, it happens all the time.

BokerTov

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 9:54 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

I can’t think of one reason why it should be FRUMMER not to text (especially from a kosher phone). I understand the idea of not going along with technology. But it’s not any different than using a rotary phone when that was invented.

Blessing1

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 10:05 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

Most people do have the phone on hand. All the time. And they use it. I think the phone is way more distracting than texting is.

Sometimes we text things we'd never actually say. It's a boundary like any other boundary in life. I don't understand why this bothers you so much.

BokerTov

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 10:07 am

Blessing1 wrote:

Sometimes we text things we'd never actually say. It's a boundary like any other boundary in life. I don't understand why this bothers you so much.

Sometimes we say things we’d never text if we’d have the few seconds to actually think before pressing send.
This convo is going around in circles...

Simple1

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 10:10 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

I do mostly agree with you. (I think I'm around your age based on your posts.) The venting I mentioned is not an everyday occurrence, the occasional family drama where I texted my younger brother. I totally relate to picking up the phone instead of having a confusing conversation through text. This comes up with work related stuff - often with younger people, who may prefer texting.

sky

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 10:37 am

I have texting but I understand not having.

Texting

makes you think you have relationships when you don’t.

It can cause confusion (I once had a massive confusion over plans made with txting)

Feelings can get hurt bec emotions are not expressed.

Is a distraction

It makes it more difficult to control when you get information.

It’s easier to say things without thinking and spread information more easily.

gonewiththewind1

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 10:42 am

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Last edited by gonewiththewind1 on Thu, Dec 23 2021, 9:23 am; edited 1 time in total

Mommyg8

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 10:54 am

SafeAtLast wrote:

But that is not pashut pshat.
It is a melitzah.

Pshat of what? It's not halachah, if that's what you're asking. It was a geder instituted by the Chasam Sofer to protect the Hungarian kehilos from Reform (and if you read history, you will see that it mainly accomplished this goal).

Scotty

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 2:03 pm

As someone who has strong anxiety about calling over the phone (as well as kids who go BONKERS when I pick up the phone and talk - somehow they hate when I text but HATE HATE HATE GO CRAZY FIGHT LIKE NUTS when I have even a thirty-second conversation) I find it very difficult to understand how anyone lives without text or why I should esteem such a goal.

I am very very very careful when I text men (relatives or arranging a service call for an appliance, etc) the same way I would be when talking.

Yes it takes my attention from my children but a phone call is even worse in my house! And no, I cannot do my phonecalls in the evening after they go to sleep, both because I am utterly drained by then and because it's after business hours!

"Not a relationship" - ????? For me, texting IS a relationship. It's the chosen way I interact with people who are not personally within my daled amos at the moment. I don't speak on the phone unless there's absolutely no choice (I find it difficult for a million reasons), and my schedule doesn't allow for frequent visiting, so I'm super grateful to be able to share my thoughts and hear others' thoughts via text. A hundred years ago people kept in touch via writing letters (arguably even less 'connected' than text.) are you going to say that the siblings who wrote for twenty years, or the couples who wrote while separated by business, or the children writing to their parents in the Old Country, didn't have a relationship?

AS WITH ANYTHING ELSE, it all depends how you handle it. I tell my kids that these things are like knives - supremely useful when you need to cut something, but handle it wrong and you can end up cutting yourself. Like anything else it needs care and attention, which I admit I constantly need to apply and improve upon just like anything else in life!

I find it bewildering and confusing why my community tells me that texting in of itself is bad and I should abandon it when it forms the basis of my relationships and functionality in my busy life and allows me to be a mom, wife, daughter, and human being where otherwise I have no idea how I would handle all my responsibilities.

Edited to add: that being said, I have a lot to learn in life and perhaps I am being naive. The Rabbanim are wiser (and a lot holier) than I and in no way do I want to c"v even appear to contradict them. Maybe I'm just being weak, but I cannot see how I would manage without texting, and this is my rant trying to (perhaps immaturely) justify why I do and cannot understand why some people don't.

Chayalle

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 2:16 pm

Scotty, I think we are in the same community (or similar communities within a community....) and while there are those who will put "no texting" up on a pedestal, personally I was advised by a mechanech to get texting - I actually held off (due to the "no texting" camp) for a very long time.

I sometimes tell my kids that I feel so blessed to have gotten various "things" later in life since they did not exist when I was younger. I think getting texting at a later stage was good for me, because it's not habit forming. I use texting as a tool. Text to hubby - please remember to pick up potatoes and onions (that's not a conversation that needs to take place in person - it's just a reminder, especially since his phone is off during seder) and text to dentist confirming an appointment, and text to family reminding everyone to send $$ for nephew's Bar Mitzva gift next week (that we all already had a conversation about) and text to older DD at work to please come out to the car to get the lunch she forgot to take.

It's definitely such a time saver and so convenient. I'm not sure why I held off so long, really, but I do think it's good that there are rules in place in our schools aimed at curbing texting for teens. That I see as a worthy goal, putting it off till we really need it and use it appropriately. I guess that's my point here.

Scotty

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 2:40 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Couldn't have said this better Chayalle! Great point.

While I (as an adult) depend on texting, I would NOT want my children to have it until they have similarly reached adulthood - not because of hypocrisy but because without maturity all the pitfalls the "no texting camp" (as you adroitly put it) put forth are a lot more likely. I guess it goes back to the knife metaphor - I won't allow my four year old to use my butcher knife, but instead train the child into it slowly while teaching them proper safety and usage skills before I allow them to use it.

honeymoon

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 2:48 pm

As a person who hates talking on the phone, I would be literally friendless without text. And I don't text all that often, but the little bit I do helps me stay connected to people who would possibly drift out of my life otherwise.

chocolate moose

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 8:10 pm

Not everyone has wifi at home -for religious reasons. How can you text if you don't have wifi or data or some sort of connection?

singleagain

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 10:25 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

Not everyone has wifi at home -for religious reasons. How can you text if you don't have wifi or data or some sort of connection?

Regular text SMS is not done over wifi or data but over voice services liek the phone

Mommyg8

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 10:27 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

Not everyone has wifi at home -for religious reasons. How can you text if you don't have wifi or data or some sort of connection?

Texting doesn't use wifi.

In any case, all phones today have data so that would not be a problem even if it does need data (which it doesn't).

vintagebknyc

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 10:31 pm

honeymoon wrote:

I hate talking on the phone. My only phone calls are with my mom. I text with everyone else, and because I’m a writer I’m a super fast texter. I love texting.

mommy3b2c

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 10:36 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

It might be praiseworthy. But not because it’s a “frum” thing to do. There is nothing frum about not texting .

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