5 year old son playing inappropriately

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 9:34 pm

My 5 year old son, almost 6, sometimes plays inappropriately. Especially with the other gender. For example I caught him trying to pull down his friend's underwear, she is 7 and was allowing it. They were outside! And today he tried to pick up her skirt. Another neighbor told me that he and their 5 year old daughter play inappropriately sometimes as well. I have spoken to him about this countless times. About safe play, privacy, etc. He says ok. But then does it again. I asked him if anyone is doing this to him. he said his friend. A boy who is 6. I asked him if anyone older he said no. And I believe him he did not seem uncomfortable with the questions at all.
Any advice? I've read that this is age appropriate behavior meaning not alarming but should be stopped. Is this true?

shaqued_almond

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 9:37 pm

Can you speak with the parents of the other kid?

amother

Crystal

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 9:42 pm

seriously not ok -after gently inquiring and verifying what happened anyway I would discreetly pull out all stops and cease any interaction with this other kid whether in school, camp, or elsewhere.
And would work with my child to modify and guide his behavior and process. And keep him under close supervision at all times in the meantime.
hugs and hatzlocha

amother

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 9:49 pm

Thank you for your responses. I am in touch with the other mothers. I think my son is the problem, especially with the 2 girls. I've read that ages 6-8 is when they are curious. So I'd like to stop the behavior but at a loss as to what to do. I guess I have to be more on top of him even when he is by friend's houses? Should I punish him? What would the punishment even be?

amother

Nasturtium

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 9:49 pm

Sounds like more adult direct supervision is needed. He should not be having these unsupervised playdates. Why are other mothers ok with their kids continuing to play with no supervision?

amother

Cinnamon

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 10:59 pm

I don’t think you should punish him, punishing him will drive the behavior underground.
I think he needs more supervision. No closed doors, preferably within eyesight and earshot...

amother

Crystal

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 11:18 pm

Like biting or any other unwanted behavior I’d supervise and let him know that if he does anything like that you are immediately leaving and then do so calmly - like if he is not up to playing nicely then you will take him home. Immediately. Consistently.
This is not about curiosity this is a boundary violation that must be stopped ASAP for his own good. And doesn’t matter the reason I would focus on the behavior.
He has to understand it’s a red line if he does something like this at school it could become a huge issue too. So nip it in the bud ASAP.

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