Having/creating easy going children

amother

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 7:53 pm

Is there such a thing as to be able to influence and create more easy going children? I’m sure genetics and parenting play a huge role but any tips and tricks? B”H my children are all very strong willed and they were not easy as babies and not even as they grow older. I wonder if maybe there’s a secret formula like with those trying to have a specific gender but with having more easygoing children?

amother

Chambray

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 7:59 pm

I think it's a personality and I think a lot of it is inherited genetics. My kids are all strong willed. That being said that doesn't mean that they can't easily learn skills to be the best them at a young age. Although my kids are super strong willed they know when and how to be flexible. I also think being strong willed is an amazing trait and they will get them very far in life.

smss

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 7:59 pm

I really don't think it's in your control.
But there are amazing things about being strong-willed! It's hard when they're kids, but can be such an asset when they're adults.

You might find this video interesting:
https://www.instagram.com/tv/C....._link

amother

Cadetblue

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 8:00 pm

are you easygoing? if not you might want to start there Wink

I definitely see how my oldest takes after us in ways that makes it challenging.

#BestBubby

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 8:01 pm

It's mostly in-born.

But YOU can role model being easy-going.

When something spills or breaks you can say "Gam zu L'Tovah" and clean it up.

Learn to discipline calmly without yelling.

smss

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 8:06 pm

I should have added that even as kids this is a trait that can be an asset.

It's what a kid needs to say no to a molester.
To say no to their friends, when they're trying to get them to do something wrong.
To say no to an authority figure who's abusing their position.
To know and stay true to THEIR likes and desires, and not just adopt the ones society tries to push on them.

And sometimes they'll use it to dig in their heels about not taking a bath ;-)
And that is hard. But don't disregard all the positives of this trait!

amother

Peru

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 8:14 pm

I wish I knew. My youngest ds who is just 2 is so stubborn. He tantrums if he doesn't get his own way. He hates being in his stroller but is terrible if I let him walk. He laughs at me and runs off in the wrong direction as fast as he can. He fights with me to get dressed/undressed. He's also the kid that when I take him to the park he won't go near the things that are for his age, no he has to go straight up the biggest slide or climb the high netting.
I just hope he'll grow out of some of his more deliberate actions in the near future because I'm really finding it difficult.

amother

Lightcyan

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 8:26 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

It's mostly in-born.

But YOU can role model being easy-going.

When something spills or breaks you can say "Gam zu L'Tovah" and clean it up.

Learn to discipline calmly without yelling.

Came here to say this. My kids are inherently strong-willed but we do our best to model easy going behavior and it catches on.
Examples: "I'm sure that was just a mistake"
"No big deal, we can try and fix it"
"Let's play I spy while we are waiting"
"No worries, it will come out in the wash"
"OK let's see if next time we can find that color"
Etc

amother

Indigo

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 8:29 pm

amother [ Peru ] wrote:

All of this is completely normal. Bh you have a healthy toddler. You need to read a parenting book if you're getting into fights over this. Also there's nothing wrong with climbing on the playground it's literally designed for kids.

Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 8:32 pm

It's mainly nature, though nurture can help somewhat. But a strong willed child will carry that through life. It's a good thing, as long as they understand the need to be flexible at times.
I have kids who are very intense and hard to budge, kids who are very intense and yet can be flexible not easily, and kids who are unflappable. The ones who have the hardest time with flexibility also seem to have more black and white thinking. We work with them to become more flexible. But yes they're mini lawyers and adults don't seem to appreciate that as they grow so much 😉

amother

Yellow

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 10:36 pm

High strung, stubborn, strong willed Is usually anxiety at the root. High arousal. Over active nervous system. Not enough serotonin. Maybe methylation errors. Healthy gut and immune system gives you a better chance at a healthy brain. It’s not genetic, it’s epigenetic. We see a huge difference in our kids with cbd and other calming supplements. As a mother, I think the number one concern would be quieting immune activation and inflammation prior to conception. And also working on gut microbiome, because we can only pass on what we have in terms of flora, and those little buggers have a massive effect on nervous system, mood and behavior.

amother

Rose

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 10:48 pm

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

What would you say about a child who has been like this since birth?

amother

Yellow

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 10:52 pm

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

What would you say about a child who has been like this since birth?

That their environment in utero coupled with their genetic susceptibilities led to suboptimal nervous system function. Environment in utero means nutritional status, microbiome or lack Thereof, immune status, pathogenic load, toxic load and so on. There is loads of research on this.

amother

Canary

Mon, Aug 09 2021, 11:52 pm

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

If you give your kid marijuana extracts as a supplement and they act calmer, I’m not sure that’s really changing their natural temperament.

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 12:03 am

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

This is really interesting, I feel like this describes my child so much. Would you know of any articles I can read that expands on what you wrote above?

amother

Navy

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 12:04 am

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

I somewhat believe in this and have spent thousands of dollars in using practitioners to help guide me bec all my kids struggle with anxiety and other stuff. However we haven’t gotten anywhere. Even with taking them off tons of food and giving them tons of supplements:(
So at this point I just try to model calm behavior but it kills me that I know I can be doing more

Zehava

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 12:08 am

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

You can be doing more. Therapy and maybe meds if needed.

amother

Yellow

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 12:11 am

amother [ Canary ] wrote:

If you give your kid marijuana extracts as a supplement and they act calmer, I’m not sure that’s really changing their natural temperament.

Correct but it also proves that high strung isn’t an immutable personality trait. And cbd isn’t psychoactive, it works on endocannabinoid receptors.