Having/creating easy going children

amother

Tanzanite

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 11:09 am

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

Adults are good at hiding their anxiety. Kids, not so much. Aside from the obvious fears and phobias, anxiety in kids often presents as rigidity, shyness, perfectionism, oppositional defiant behavior, demand avoidance, irritability, rages and meltdowns and so on. Anxiety isn’t just worrying. It’s a nervous system state of hyper arousal.

It’s possible that some firebrand type kids are not operating out of anxiety. But many stubborn high strung ones are.

OP only asked about easy-going vs strong willed.

I don't see any reason to make assumptions about anxiety, or to assume that strong-willed kids have high anxiety or more anxiety than kids who come across as easy-going.

amother

Bone

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 11:11 am

#BestBubby wrote:

YOU can role model being easy-going.

When something spills or breaks you can say "Gam zu L'Tovah" and clean it up.

Learn to discipline calmly without yelling.

This.
And being loving, not too critical

amother

Tanzanite

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 11:11 am

Zehava wrote:

Anyway this thread makes me super uneasy because I could just imagine that if this “research” was commonplace when I was a kid I’d have been dragged to all sorts of quacks and put on all kinds of diets to make me “easygoing” AKA compliant and docile.

Exactly. Better to teach tools for handling anxiety, where it exists. But very dangerous for parents to confuse normal personality traits with anxiety.

amother

Chambray

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 11:25 am

Anxiety and strong willed are not the same thing! Why is everyone conflating the two? It sounds like most people here have no experience with actual strong willed children. Like I said it is actually a very good trait you just need to nurture it properly.

amother

Yellow

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 1:17 pm

If OP is asking, I’m assuming that when she says strong willed she means more than just spirited. Chances are her children struggle with impulse control, rigidity, oppositional and defiant behaviors, emotional regulation, and such. For everyone saying it’s inborn and genetic, you believe one day science will find a specific gene for strong willed? Or is “personality” some spiritual, abstract, intangible entity completely separate from the brain and body?

amother

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 5:52 pm

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

High strung, stubborn, strong willed Is usually anxiety at the root. High arousal. Over active nervous system. Not enough serotonin. Maybe methylation errors. Healthy gut and immune system gives you a better chance at a healthy brain. It’s not genetic, it’s epigenetic. We see a huge difference in our kids with cbd and other calming supplements. As a mother, I think the number one concern would be quieting immune activation and inflammation prior to conception. And also working on gut microbiome, because we can only pass on what we have in terms of flora, and those little buggers have a massive effect on nervous system, mood and behavior.

OP here. I find this so interesting because my kids especially my hardest one has major anxiety issues. Also, I do have immune issues, inflammation, and gut issues so this is all surprisingly right on in my case.

Thanks everyone for all the advice. I definitely also need to model more calm responses.

amother

Chambray

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 5:54 pm

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

I believe the make up of our personalities is in our dna. Do you not? The Torah talks about it a little. How certain people are born certain ways. For example red heads.

amother

Navy

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 6:15 pm

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

You just haven’t found their cause just yet. Don’t give up.

I did all the testing. Came out he was allergic to gluten dairy eggs pineapple and much much more
We actually did the diet for about eight months. and gave a ton of supplements. Didn’t see any difference.
Started Zoloft for anxiety and that worked like a charm.
So honestly I’m not into this anymore.
The lifestyle is prohibitive if you believe in this.

octopus

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 6:25 pm

amother [ Chambray ] wrote:

I believe the make up of our personalities is in our dna. Do you not? The Torah talks about it a little. How certain people are born certain ways. For example red heads.

Whoah I really take umbrage about the redheads. I certainly hope you are not one of my kids teachers.

amother

Chambray

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 6:28 pm

octopus wrote:

Whoah I really take umbrage about the redheads. I certainly hope you are not one of my kids teachers.

I wasn’t saying anything negative! They have amazing personalities.

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 6:42 pm

I’m the poster who asked amother yellow to link the article. Every single post of hers described my child to the “t”. I am finally connecting the dots between his rigidity and outbursts to his anxiety. I’m very grateful to amother yellow for the information she’s shared and I am interested in hearing more, so please nobody attack her.

amother

Teal

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 6:46 pm

amother [ Chambray ] wrote:

I believe the make up of our personalities is in our dna. Do you not? The Torah talks about it a little. How certain people are born certain ways. For example red heads.

Its how you nurture your personality that will determine how life will turn out. My relatives are identical twins and they are night and day of what became of them. I don't understand the thing about redheads. Its totally made up.

amother

Teal

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 6:48 pm

I happened to think of myself as strong willed and easygoing at the same time. Because I can be flexible and creative while having my eye on the prize.

shaqued_almond

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 7:40 pm

In my experience strong willed kids need firm boundaries. Obviously show them love and encourage them but they can't ignore you. It's tough, it's a lot of work but in the end it's worth it.

amother

Yellow

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 8:00 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Bingo. The immune system, gut and nervous system are all inextricably intertwined. And we pass on our load to our children.

amother

Yellow

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 8:01 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

Infections are often a huge overlooked source of inflammation.

amother

Yellow

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 8:03 pm

amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:

Ye, it’s a huge paradigm shift from how we typically view these things, but when we start looking at things from this perspective, a lot of things start making sense.

amother

Lime

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 8:14 pm

I parent my kids all more or less the same and some are super easy going and free spirited while some are intense and anxious. For the most part I believe it’s inborn but with the proper atmosphere an intense child can mellow somewhat...

amother

Navy

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 8:15 pm

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

Infections are often a huge overlooked source of inflammation.

Just tried oregano oil for natural antibiotic but my kids won’t touch it. To go real antibiotic route without labs that show infection isn’t something I would do. I tested for Lyme cmv strep (both the dna and aso) cocksackie mycoplasma candida
All negative.
Now what ?

amother

Yellow

Tue, Aug 10 2021, 8:31 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

Igg and IGm negative for all of those?? What type of oil of oregano ? Gaia makes a great quality one in a capsule. Does your kid know how to swallow those? We treat supplements just as non negotiable as medication.. we do both.