Is it me? The place? Or the other parents? Vent

Zehava

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 12:08 pm

amother [ Broom ] wrote:

Yup. I agree that that's what often happens.

And that's why I would stop patronizing those places.

This is not directed at you Zehava, but we all go to a lot of expense and effort to be mechanech our children.

Supporting an environment like this that enables and rewards bullying and destructive behavior is contrary to everything I'm trying to teach my children.

I’m just surprised at the ops surprise is all.
At how she expects a giant playroom of hyper kids of all ages to play nicely and respectfully and not take each other’s toys.

SuperWify

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 12:12 pm

I went to this place, many times. I never had any issues. But I do go earlier in the afternoon (like at 3 or 4) or early on Sunday (10 or 11). If I go any later it becomes packed with older more aggressive kids.

thunderstorm

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 12:20 pm

amother [ Broom ] wrote:

I’ve seen this exact thing play out in a non Jewish place . I don’t think it has to do with a heimish place specifically.

amother

Broom

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 12:21 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

I’ve seen this exact thing play out in a non Jewish place . I don’t think it has to do with a heimish place specifically.

My position is equal opportunity.

It doesn't matter whether this is a jewish/not jewish/not frum jewish/whatever owned/frequented business.

Blessing1

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 12:29 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

What bothered me the most was children literally ripping the place apart. Whatever was not nailed or screwed in was picked up and thrown. The chair puddings that didn't have adult sitting on them were snapped off and thrown kids pulling on everything as hard as they could. A child going up the a tube slide when 15 kids want to go down. than shoving 8 kids to pass reminds me of a mob. Is it so hard to say something. My kid got stepped on and cried some kids pushed forward. I told my kid you see the boy is trying to pass move out of the way but it would help if a mother or manager would make the boy wait for everyone to get down. Or mother or manager would discipline a boy for breaking the other toys

This is what happens in such places, especially when they're crowded and understaffed. We stay away from such places during busy season like chol hamoed or vacation. We go on a random Sunday or weekday morning when it's usually quiet.

Zehava

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 12:31 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

I’ve seen this exact thing play out in a non Jewish place . I don’t think it has to do with a heimish place specifically.

The no Jewish places I know are a lot more professional and supervised. The equipment is a lot more stable and harder to dismantle. And there is more staff. They’re also usually bigger, there are separate zones for different ages, and they’re less packed.
Heimish people sometimes just rent a warehouse, put some bounce houses and toys in, put someone in the front to take money, and call it a day.

BrachaBatya

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 12:40 pm

Those places can be torturous!!! The non-Jewish ones definitely seem to have more staff and are organized in a more structured way. They limit how many children can play in each area at a time, eliminating some of the crowding, and they separate age groups. There is an adult in every section helping with supervision. The heimish ones are hit or miss. I find they permit over-crowding - a"just pack them in no matter what" kind of model. In these cases, parents have to be extra alert and careful with supervising. The crowds and lack of staff require parental involvement.

Blessing1

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 12:54 pm

BrachaBatya wrote:

We go to billy beez quite often and the only staff there are the teens at the front/register. That's it.
I haven't noticed a difference in the amount of staff at the Jewish or non jewish places.
Turtleboo is a frum place and they're very organized there. They only let in a certain amount of people and they have staff going around to supervise.

dancingqueen

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 1:10 pm

Zehava wrote:

I’m just surprised at the ops surprise is all.
At how she expects a giant playroom of hyper kids of all ages to play nicely and respectfully and not take each other’s toys.

I don’t know how else to say this but that is the expectation at the non-heimish places I’m familiar with.

Zehava

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 1:12 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

I don’t know how else to say this but that is the expectation at the non-heimish places I’m familiar with.

As I said upthread, the places you’re familiar with look nothing like she describes.

amother

Broom

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 1:16 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

I don’t know how else to say this but that is the expectation at the non-heimish places I’m familiar with.

I agree with you.

I would based on my experiences more likely go to those places now.

But, it doesn't matter to me who owns the place, and whose kids are behaving out of control (as kids are more likely to do without adult supervision) and being permitted to do so. but yes, I think heimish places allow it because they can get away with it. the clientele are less likely care how beat up the place is, so the owners have less motivation to do anything on their part to keep it together.

Chayalle

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 1:46 pm

I'll dissent. I don't understand the mindset of any parent who would take their kids someplace where they expect to get a break from basic chinuch, and would allow their kids to hurt other children especially those smaller than they are. Raising my kids to be mentchen is a goal that I never take a vacation from.

I can't comprehend taking my kids to such a place at any age.

It sounds distinctly against the Jewish values I strive to instill in my children.

I guess there are some cultures I don't understand.

amother

Aubergine

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 1:56 pm

I've intervened on my kids' behalf. Take the scene in a regular playground....a kid pushing my kid out of the way to go down the slide. I tell the kid, excuse me, my DD or DS was waiting their turn to go down the slide, please don't push. Most of the time the kid gets the message and listened. Once or twice I had a situation where the kid blocked the way and refused to move out of the way and my kid was trapped. I think then I got the mother and asked them to move their kid.
I think in your situation I would have sat on the floor next to my kid and anytime anyone came near to be destructive, I'd say, excuse me he/she is playing with this. Please don't break it. Would you like to join to build. If the kid ignored, I'd probably call it a monetary loss and leave.

Zehava

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 2:00 pm

A lot of it seems to be cultural. But if op is from the same culture as the other kids in this place why the shock? Either take your kids and deal or don’t, but why act so surprised?

amother

Cyclamen

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 2:08 pm

I have this all the time in my building. We have a communal play area where there are lots of bikes etc. there is a mom who comes with her kids daily. She just sits on her chair and shmoozes. She could sometimes watch how her kid is literally pushing another kid off a bike or something and just continues with her chatter. She feels that kids need to fight their own battles. That’s how they grow resilient Rolling Eyes

. I hate when she’s there because I’m basically busy being mechanich my kids and hers.

Notsobusy

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 2:18 pm

Zehava wrote:

A lot of it seems to be cultural. But if op is from the same culture as the other kids in this place why the shock? Either take your kids and deal or don’t, but why act so surprised?

Who says she is from the same culture as the kids who were misbehaving?

Also, I can't imagine how this can be ok in any culture in a frum community. This literally goes against everything we've ever learned about bein adam lichaveiro

amother

Crystal

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 2:20 pm

amother [ Cyclamen ] wrote:

. I hate when she’s there because I’m basically busy being mechanich my kids and hers.

Typical situation in bungalow colonies. Usually the moms of bullies believe in “kids fighting their own battles”.

Zehava

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 2:21 pm

The culture thing reminds me of something. So I live in an area where kids knock on each other’s doors all the time and ask if they could play. Like literally the day we moved in dd went looking for other kids in the building.
We were away for shabbos in a different place and dd was bored so she went outside and knocked on the house next door where there was a kid her age.
The father was shell-shocked lol. He came outside and spoke to me and then allowed dd to come in and play for a bit.
Then when she left the little girl was all polite and “thank you for coming” and my friend who was with me was like, dd is supposed to say “thank you for having me” but Ofcourse neither of us had a clue.
So yeah they probably thought we were super-weird and rude or whatever.

Zehava

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 2:22 pm

Notsobusy wrote:

Not okay but expected in places like these at peak hours. No one I know would be surprised. If she’s from a different culture that would make more sense.

Notsobusy

Fri, Aug 13 2021, 2:25 pm

Zehava wrote:

In my neighborhood the kids also knock on each others doors all day uninvited, but I wound be shocked if a stranger did that.