I dont want to betray my baby but I feel like I am!

amother

Tue, Aug 17 2021, 7:06 am

my delicious baby is 7 months now kah
lately ive been thinking of having another baby, but I sort of feel like im betraying my baby by thinking about it now and not focusing solely on her.

I also want to just enjoy being with her and focusing on her. but my personality is the type that once I get something into my bed I dont get it out until I work hard for it. ex. I had it in my head that I wanted a sheital with full bangs and I thought on it for 7 months before saving up enough to buy it....
so I want to get these compuslive thoughts out of my head and just enjoy the baby I have now.

is that a normal feeling?
can a/o help me plz?

amother

Lightgreen

Tue, Aug 17 2021, 7:09 am

very very normal!!!

and hey, you aren't betraying her by thinking of having another one - because if you do - they'll be built in playmates! It's so nice for kids to have siblings Smile

You're a good mom, and thinking of having another means that you're a really great mom!

amother

Tue, Aug 17 2021, 7:10 am

amother [ Lightgreen ] wrote:

very very normal!!!

and hey, you aren't betraying her by thinking of having another one - because if you do - they'll be built in playmates! It's so nice for kids to have siblings Smile

You're a good mom, and thinking of having another means that you're a really great mom!

thanks for normalizing my thoughts
but I dont know if its betraying since ive been thinking of having another lately and my baby only just turned 7 months

(I had a hard pregnancy and rough recovery)

FranticFrummie

Tue, Aug 17 2021, 7:13 am

You are not a bad person, you just have a very strong biological clock.

I have a friend who has severe hyperemesis for the whole 9 months of pregnancy, and for the last 2 months she has to be on bed rest with an IV and a PIC line for nutrition. On top of that, she has difficult deliveries as well.

The SECOND the baby is born, she starts chalishing for another one. It makes no logical sense whatsoever. She knows that. It's just pure instinct, and no amount of reasoning changes the baby cravings. (She has bli ayin hara 8 kids now.)

Would it help you if you sat down and wrote out all the pros and cons of waiting another 3 months before trying again? What about 6 months? Often back to back siblings are very close and make great playmates. On the other hand, if you want to exclusively breast feed, a second pregnancy could end that (but not always, everyone is different.)

Maybe make a deal with yourself that when the first baby is weaned, you'll be able to consider your second.

Good for you for being self aware that decisions like this are complicated, and you need to look at it from all angles, both emotionally as well as logically.

amother

Lightcoral

Tue, Aug 17 2021, 7:18 am

I don't see it as a betrayal. You won't love your baby any less if they have a sibling or several siblings. There is room to love each child. They're not replacements for the previous version but additions in their own right.
On the positive side it means you have such a good experience with your baby that you're willing to consider another one at this point. Also considering you want to give your dc a sibling, means you can think about whether you're emotionally and physically ready to do it all again. If you feel ready at this point, go you. If you need longer that's fine.

SG18

Tue, Aug 17 2021, 7:19 am

Keep in mind that even if you start trying now, it'll be at least nine more months until you have another baby. Your daughter will be almost a year and a half then. I don't know if that changes anything for you, just a different point to consider.
I'm in the same boat, but with a younger baby. I haven't gone on bc, but have been nursing clean, and am not preventing. Baby is almost 4 months, and I'm just now getting over my baby fever. I'd love to have another one, but would also love to just focus on this little girl. I feel the struggle!

4g01o

Tue, Aug 17 2021, 8:59 am

Is this your first baby? I went off bc when my oldest was 8 months and got pregnant straight away. My boys are 17 months apart, they're teenagers now and it's been fun, but also crazy! I loved it, but if your pregnancy and recovery was so difficult I'd wait until your baby is a little older. I wasn't breastfeeding my oldest.

amother

Plum

Tue, Aug 17 2021, 10:11 am

Better to have another baby when your first is young than to have one when your first has gotten used to being the Little Prince who then finds himself displaced by a new Little Prince. If you want to put off having another because you feel it would be hard on you physically or mentally to have two kids close in age, that's one thing, but to put off something you want because you think your first child will be insulted is nonsensical. No child ever came to any harm because he didn't have his Mommy all to himself for ______ length of time. A firstborn singleton is the only kind of child who ever does. Firstborn twins have to share from the minute they're born, as do all other children who are not firstborn. Yet most people aren't walking around emotionally crippled and scarred from the trauma of not being the sole focus of their parents' attention.

amother

Green

Tue, Aug 17 2021, 8:24 pm

I say if you feel up to it, go for it! My two oldest are exactly this age gap (got pregnant when my oldest son was 7 months) and they are the best of friends.
Not gonna lie, it was difficult at the beginning, but I think a bit factor was that my pregnancy was the result of a bc fail, so I didn't actually plan to get pregnant when my baby was so small. I wouldn't change it for the world now, though! And it sounds like you actively want it, so it shouldn't be a problem for you.
Also, an added benefit is that the younger they are, the less issues they have with being jealous of the new baby.

amother

Hunter

Tue, Aug 17 2021, 9:15 pm

I know a lot of ppl will say it worked for them. Bh Bh I got pregnant right when I got off Bc- I felt just the way you do! I was also very energized and excited by the idea.

I am so grateful but look at my friends that had those extra few months with their first and if I could do it again…. It’s her time to be a baby and you can’t get that back. At 16 m she went out to dayscare cuz there is no way I can manage both all day. She started having much more tantrums and eating issues, and the worst part is I have so little patience and give- I’m up with the baby and carrying both and she hits the baby and it’s just a lot!

amother

Thu, Aug 19 2021, 3:31 am

Fab4 wrote:

yes she is my first
im not nursing so im on BC
ive also been spotting alot on this stupid pill which is another reason why I want to get off

amother

Thu, Aug 19 2021, 3:32 am

SG2189 wrote:

wow thats brave @4 months. I wasnt thinking about it then. I liked being solely with the baby
does ur husband want another so soon?

(if u dont want to get pregnant tho nursing clean isnt 100% effective)

imaima

Thu, Aug 19 2021, 3:35 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Do you really think she will suffer when you have another baby? If yes, then reconsider getting pregnant.

If no, then how are you betraying her?

SuperWify

Thu, Aug 19 2021, 3:43 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I am also thinking this.
but how long is a baby considered a baby?

At least a year to a year and a half. According to the Torah a child is weaned at two, and I think that’s a great guideline regarding spacing for the parents sanity and the child’s time to be a baby.

SuperWify

Thu, Aug 19 2021, 3:44 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

yes she is my first
im not nursing so im on BC
ive also been spotting alot on this stupid pill which is another reason why I want to get off

Ok, so the pill isn’t working for you. Birth control is about trial and error. It’s time to try something else.

amother

Thu, Aug 19 2021, 3:46 am

SuperWify wrote:

Ok, so the pill isn’t working for you. Birth control is about trial and error. It’s time to try something else.

it works for months and then ranomly for 2 weeks ill spot
ob said its normal ... Sad

amother

Thu, Aug 19 2021, 3:46 am

SuperWify wrote:

interesting didnt know