Adjusting & Overwhelmed

balebusta613

Mon, Aug 23 2021, 10:11 am

I've been married a little over a year and have a 4 month old baby girl. My husband is currently in Smicha and we are in EY for the year. I just started working (all remote) and I am finding all the juggling exhausting. I stay home with my baby all day, but we live on the 3rd floor, no elevator, and just to get to the main road is a whole hike of 6 flights of stairs and up a massive hill shlepping out my stroller myself. It's hard to force myself outside especially since it's so hot right now. I want to clean up and do laundry and organize (we're still settling in) but I just have no energy. Baby wipes me out and needs constant attention (BH she's a very easy baby but they just still need attention) I'm also nursing. When she finally takes a short nap I just want to sit by myself in quiet and have no desire to start doing household chores. I have limited time with DH and after baby goes to sleep I work for a couple hours and go straight to bed. I am also still adjusting to kollel lifestyle and being in EY not in sem or visiting, it's so vastly different. I feel overwhelmed trying to juggle everything and support DH who I know comes home wiped from using his brain all day and I just need a break or a cleaning lady/babysitter but I can't bring myself to pay for one...

balebusta613

Mon, Aug 23 2021, 10:18 am

yeah I do, most of them just got here. Everyone's doing something different and none of them have kids. I'm very social by nature and spent all last year cooped up in my apartment pregnant and doing school online - I was miserable. I think I'm afraid of the same thing happening. I'd love to bounce around, go out, go to the kotel, out around town, but I don't want to do it myself and they're all working or in school

4g01o

Mon, Aug 23 2021, 12:05 pm

Can you go to the park for a bit every day and make friends who have similar age baby to you? When I was in Israel with that age baby I went to the park most days or sat on a nearby bench schmoozing. Oh how I miss those days so much! I didn't work once I had a baby so I can imagine it's really hard for you.

finallyamommy

Mon, Aug 23 2021, 12:24 pm

A baby carrier is a must. Wrap her on and then be hands-free to do whatever you want to do in the house. It also makes getting up and down the stairs easier. Technically you could put her on your back now, but most people aren’t experienced prefer to wait until they’re older, like six months.

amother

Viola

Mon, Aug 23 2021, 2:33 pm

If it would be me, aside for schlepping down with the baby/ the heat would bother me a lot. It’s all so much easier when the weather is cooler outside.
For sure keep your stroller downstairs and after you shop you should ask for delivery.
Try to meet up with a friend at least once a week. I think it will be good for you.
Or take a walk with your husband. When he’s home he can be the one to carry the baby up and down.
Keep your eyes open for a ground floor apartment! You never know… you might find something!
Babies are lots of work. Even easy babies. It sounds like you’re doing great but just missing out on some social outlets and fresh air. Keep it up!

amother

DarkYellow

Mon, Aug 23 2021, 2:43 pm

amother [ Oldlace ] wrote:

You’re husband can go to work and then you can be a stay at home mom.

This is not helpful. I’m sure she knows this and doesn’t want this at the moment. She can also move back to the US if you want to start with unhelpful advice...

balebusta613

Mon, Aug 23 2021, 2:45 pm

Fab4 wrote:

We’re not in a main area near a park with other moms, it’s really just whoever lives near the kollel, we’re not exactly near anything haha

balebusta613

Mon, Aug 23 2021, 2:47 pm

amother [ Viola ] wrote:

Thank you! Our apartments are assigned (it’s provided by the kollel) so we can’t move. Even just going on a walk is a shlep! I’m trying hard to push myself. I went to the makolet once and by the time I got back between the heat and the stroller I needed a nap haha

balebusta613

Mon, Aug 23 2021, 2:48 pm

finallyamommy wrote:

I definitely use this! It’s great, she just either hates it or loves it no in between, but definitely very helpful when she does enjoy it

balebusta613

Mon, Aug 23 2021, 2:49 pm

kollel_wife wrote:

Can you keep your stroller downstairs, so you don't have to shlep it down when you want to go out?

I’m kinda nervous to because people told me cats climb into them… also it’s helpful to have in the apt because she likes it and allows me to do other things in the apt

Fave

Mon, Aug 23 2021, 2:52 pm

I hear ya! It sounds tough (the heat and steps). I would recommend making the effort to pick up your husband from Kollel daily. This will give a bit of structure in the day, time to bind with your family outdoors, and on the way back DH can do the shlepping.

amother

Powderblue

Tue, Oct 05 2021, 9:58 pm

When does your dh leave in the morning? Would it help if he watched the baby while you got out and power walked in the mornings with a friend (early, before it gets hot)?

Would it help to simplify your menus at all?

Would it help to get a babysitter once a week so you can meet up with friends?

Try to get out to the park if you can, so you can meet new friends who live nearby and might want to have playdates.

amother

Razzmatazz

Tue, Oct 05 2021, 11:04 pm

Can you get a younger teenage girl to come and play with the baby either in your apartment or right outside for a small sum of money. It can give you the freedom to go for a short walk , just run out or even tidy up a bit. Israeli girls do this type of babysitting all the time- where it’s an hour or two but the mother is a minute away so you are not afraid to leave the baby.

amother

Steelblue

Tue, Oct 05 2021, 11:12 pm

balebusta613 wrote:

I’m kinda nervous to because people told me cats climb into them… also it’s helpful to have in the apt because she likes it and allows me to do other things in the apt

Fold it and cover with a rain cover then no cats will get in. It's worth pushing yourself to leave the house. Being home all day with a baby can make someone go stir crazy

tichellady

Wed, Oct 06 2021, 12:12 am

Definitely hire a babysitter and a cleaning person. Having a first baby is a huge adjustment especially in a new country and while working. Seriously if you can afford it do it. You need to take care of yourself