Please Morah, Don’t Break My Daughter

amother

Mon, Aug 23 2021, 1:45 pm

Dear Teacher,
Attached to this note, you will find a piece of my heart.
A piece that I ripped with my very own hands.
And tears that keep falling throughout the day.

I’m sending you this little girl against my will, with an ache so deep inside ,
and a smile oh so wide.

This little girl is the center of our universe, our life.
She is so loved by her sisters and brothers.

I want you to know dear teacher,
I’m not some quacky mother that can’t part with her child,
My little girl has been going to school since nursery,

Where,
her smile, her bright blue inquisitive eyes, her happy disposition, her middos and her respect
counted most.

You, dear teacher, will be getting the honor of teaching my little first grader.

Where only one thing counts
Her brains

And that is the reason for all my tears.

amother

Trillium

Mon, Aug 23 2021, 2:16 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Huh? Why would you assume your morah will break your daughter?

If the meaning behind this post is that your daughter is not academically gifted, then it's up to you to send your daughter to a school that doesn't make "her brains" the "only one thing counts" [sic]. I didn't send my children to the accepted school because they wouldn't be able to give my children the attention they needed.

It's also an onus on the parent to make sure their child is okay, not the Morah.

And also, if you are chilled about grades and homework and you don't put an emphasis on it, they will follow your lead.

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Aug 23 2021, 2:22 pm

While I like you’re poem, I disagree with the content. First grade morahs usually have a heart of gold and care so much more than brains! They care about middos and effort and a smile and attitude and nice Davening and my list can go on and on! It seems like you are lacking confidence in yourself and/or your daughter.

amother

Lawngreen

Mon, Aug 23 2021, 2:24 pm

Am I hearing that your developmentally delayed dd aged out of her special-ed program, is being mainstreamed to a regular first grade class and you're scared that the teacher won't be sympathetic and will judge her the same way she judges the kids who are developmentally on target? Does the morah have a reputation for being mean to children who don't shine scholastically? Can you speak to the teacher before school starts and explain the situation?

You'll need to prepare your dd for what's ahead by building her up yourself, and by stressing that scholastic ability is only one kind of ability, important mainly in school, while character, manners, respect and friendliness are important everywhere. I'm sure you've been doing this all along, but it will become even more essential throughout the school years.

Hatzlocho. You sound like a very special mom.

amother

Orange

Mon, Aug 23 2021, 2:32 pm

You sound like a good mom but the premise is all wrong. If you're so scared the morah will break your daughter why are you sending her to this school? I am aware there are lots of reasons why a person can't homeschool their child and maybe there is only one school in your town and the first grade morah has a bad reputation but otherwise, this should not be happening. your daughter should be going to a school that has caring teachers and one that fits her needs. I'm sorry, but this is more on you than on the teacher.

PinkFridge

Tue, Aug 24 2021, 8:44 am

amother [ Trillium ] wrote:

Leaving aside OP's specific concerns, it's not unusual to feel that way. There's even a chinuch book called Make Me, Don't Break Me. (ArtScroll)

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Aug 24 2021, 9:50 am

I don't understand where the imaginary teacher in op's poem came from. The rabbis who taught my teenage boys care about so much more than brains, I don't know where you found a first grade morah who only cares about that. I don't know where you live op, but I've lived a few different places and never came across a first grade teacher like that. Op, please make sure your dd doesn't pick up on your anxiety and fear of teachers because it might make it hard for her to love her morah like so many first graders too. And remember, you're her number one fan and cheering squad and if you love the art projects and songs and stories she brings home and don't focus on her marks, she'll be just fine.

helpful

Tue, Aug 24 2021, 10:01 am

I totally hear OP's concern. As a special educator who worked in many schools, I've seen elementary teachers put a very strong emphasis on grades and did not focus so much on middos, etc. Of course, many teachers care and hopefully most teachers will be there to help the child, but it is a very difficult journey for many people.

I would recommend talking to the teacher about your child before starting the school year, and getting a therapist to help your child. First grade can be tough.

Hatzlacha rabba op.

ETA: if you are in Brooklyn, you can PM me. I might be able to help you find a good therapist.

amother

Sapphire

Tue, Aug 24 2021, 10:38 am

Unfortunately I hear the concern too. My daughter walked into her first grade classroom a few minutes late due to bussing problems. The teacher ignored her and wouldn't show her where to sit, so she had to walk around looking for an empty desk. Would it be so hard to smile at a sweet 6 year old and point to a desk?? Do you really need to start a kids year off like that?

amother

Burntblack

Tue, Aug 24 2021, 10:42 am

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

I would speak to the school about that. That’s just cruel and not ok. I’d you don’t speak up now she will continue being cold and mean the whole year.