Little girls playing on shabbos

amother

Seagreen

Sun, Aug 29 2021, 10:28 am

amother [ Oak ] wrote:

Forgot the underwear part- why are girls coming over if you don’t have daughters? This is the weirdest part. Where are the parents ? Send them home. And ya I’m pro short under a skirt. Always. I get put off seeing parents dress kids all tznius but then not realize that kids are kids and they will sit in ways that will show their underwear. I wouldn’t want my boys to see that. I myself as an adult wouldn’t want to see it. I would tell them my boys hang out with boys at this age sorry. Parents of the girls should understand

These girls are 3,4 and 6. You don’t let these ages play with opposite gender? My 6 year old naturally gravitates to girls but if we’re at shul on the playground she can play with whom ever she chooses. I can’t imagine an issue at such a young age

amother

Sun, Aug 29 2021, 10:35 am

amother [ Acacia ] wrote:

If a woman wearing a dress but no tights came to visit, would you let her sit on your couch? Or would you be afraid that she was transferring cooties to your furniture? Your concern about little girls' underwear is bizarre.

Seems like they know you are disgusted by them, and they don't feel comfortable. You can ask the mom to put them in bike shorts under their skirts, but don't be surprised if she thinks there's something really off about the request.

Most of the women with no tights who sit on my couch wear pants or shorts under their skirts. (Yes, I’ve seen it- when they sit with their legs crossed or whatnot)

Or they wear skirts that are long enough and don’t fly up to reveal their underwear when they sit.

amother

Darkblue

Sun, Aug 29 2021, 10:36 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

OP do you have a trauma background?

amother

Sun, Aug 29 2021, 10:37 am

amother [ Snowflake ] wrote:

Totally normal at this age.
Never had an issue with concern of germs unless someone were bare bottomed. And we are very hygiene conscious.
If you don't want them over just let their mom know in a nice diplomatic way.
How old are your boys?
Just fyi does it gross you out that little boys often seem to stick their hands in their pants? Like we have the kids hand wash with soap at some ages somewhat regularly.
We have little girls and boys and there's a time and a place for everything including reminding as well as ignoring and looking away.
If your boys are too old that its awkward to have the girls sitting there forgetting to cover their skirt properly then just let the parents know its not working for you.

Boys are1, 4, 7. If’anyone sticks their hands in their pants we wash them right away. But my kids don’t stick their hands in their pants when they are wearing pants or shorts.

amother

Sun, Aug 29 2021, 10:38 am

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

You can spread a sheet out over the couch to protect it when kids come over.

That’s such a great idea! Thank you. Smile

FranticFrummie

Sun, Aug 29 2021, 10:41 am

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

It really depends on your community norms.

When DD was 7, this adorable 6yo boy moved in down the street. He was so sweet and polite, the most eidel kid you could possibly imagine. His parents were awesome, super responsible, and very involved.

Some people gave me the 👀 look about that, and shook their heads in disagreement. Whatever. If I lived in a more Chassidish area, I don't think I would have let DD run around with this boy, no matter how nice he was, just for DD's sake. (Hard to explain, maybe that didn't come out right, I hope you know what I mean.)

amother

Dustypink

Sun, Aug 29 2021, 10:52 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

I’m chassidish in a chassidish neighborhood with Bh lots of little girls and boys playing outside- often together

ETA and in homes

Simple1

Sun, Aug 29 2021, 11:02 am

Of course little girls play! Do your boys enjoy having them over? Maybe they are shy and need to warm up? If it continues to happen that they come and don't play, then I would stop having them over.

zaq

Sun, Aug 29 2021, 11:37 am

Maybe they’re shy or afraid to play with your toys for some reason. Maybe they think boys have cooties and don’t want to play with them or anything they touched. First grade girls can be like that. Maybe your boys or you are giving off negative vibes. Sounds as if you are, at least. Unconsciously of course.

No reason to let them stand on your couch, though. Your house, your rules. Maybe offer to read them a book. Or buy a couple of inexpensive dolls to have around for guests.

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Aug 29 2021, 12:24 pm

amother [ Dustypink ] wrote:

I’m chassidish in a chassidish neighborhood with Bh lots of little girls and boys playing outside- often together

ETA and in homes

Same here, and I'm ultra Chassidish (Satmar).
Growing up, my best friend on the block was a boy. When he turned 9 he solemnly told me that his father said it was time to say goodbye to our friendship. It was sad for both of us, but we both learned to hang out with our own genders pretty fast.

amother

Crocus

Sun, Aug 29 2021, 3:47 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’m grossed out that they are sitting on my couch with their sweaty underwear. Yes, it’s gross. They come to me on a shbs afternoon after a whole night and morning of running around in the heat, and honestly, yes it’s gross. I don’t sit on my couch in my underwear. I put on a pair of leggings or shorts or a bathrobe at the very least.

OP, do you have OCD about cleanliness? Based on your post - touching doorknobs, worrying about the couch - it does sound like it. My mother was OCD about cleanliness, and we eventually just gave up having friends over. It affected our entire childhood in more ways than one.

You have to find the right balance between keeping a house clean and allowing room for the kids to be kids. Houses are not meant to be museums, nor should every activity have a worry about cleanliness looming over it. Let the kids play, let the kids relax. Doorknobs are meant to be touched. Couches are meant to be sat on.