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My child is a genius
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:18 am
Why do people feel the need to tell others how brilliant their child is? How am I supposed to respond other than “great!”

Had my 2 year olds orientation yesterday and multiple mothers casually commented to me that their 2 year old is extremely advanced. I’m not handing out academic scholarships here. Then I feel like if I don’t say “mine is too!” Then I’m like… not sticking up for my own little genius.

It just seems so socially inappropriate. It has literally nothing to do with me, a stranger, and there’s nothing normal I can respond. And if my child were delayed, perhaps all this bragging from strangers would make me feel bad.

Just a vent- and do people see a purpose in this or are do they just want to brag?
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:23 am
Ugh. I find it very distasteful. It also makes me think of attracting an ayin hara, even though I'm not generally superstitious.

Every time someone would praise DD for something - looks, middos, intelligence - my answer was always "B'H, I can't take credit for that. I'm very blessed." Even if someone insisted that I'm an amazing mother, and must have done something right, I still say "Really, I'm just normal. I do my best, and daven that Hashem should help me."

It's not like "Hey, I'm the most humble person on the planet!", it's just that I genuinely feel like everything is from Hashem.
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LovesHashem




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:24 am
I totally agree with you.
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small bean




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:24 am
They sound pathetic and insecure.
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amother




Whitewash
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:25 am
They just love to brag. Its all part of the mommy wars dynamic......everything is a competition.
As for children with delays.... I cannot tell you how many times I have mothers competing regarding how many different therapies they are getting and making each other feel bad that they don't do enough...
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amother




DarkMagenta
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:26 am
Anonymous, because I told this story many times

Every time I went to my pediatrician with my older ones as a young mother, I always told him Doc, this kid of mine is a genius. And he would look at me patronizingly say, "it's possible. But your kid is hitting all his milestones exactly on time. It's not early"

Every mother likes to think of her child as a genius. I have some truly smart ones and average one. It's just not very good manners to brag publicly and honestly for what purpose??
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:28 am
amother [ Whitewash ] wrote:
They just love to brag. Its all part of the mommy wars dynamic......everything is a competition.
As for children with delays.... I cannot tell you how many times I have mothers competing regarding how many different therapies they are getting and making each other feel bad that they don't do enough...


I meant to include that 😂
It’s like every stranger has to brag about how their child is a genius or they have to brag about the 17 therapies they get.

I’m over here like… my child is literally playing possum and pretending to be asleep out of fear right now, does that make her a genius, the opposite, or just strange in a good way?
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:29 am
I can't resist smiling and waving at cute kids on the bus. (What else should I do, it's a long trip!)

If I compliment the child and tell the mom how adorable they are, I always say "bli ayin hara" afterwards. I know that in many circles, praising a child is not something they are very comfortable with unless you say that. (I'm not going to go "pew pew pew" and spit on the floor, though.)
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:29 am
amother [ DarkMagenta ] wrote:
Anonymous, because I told this story many times

Every time I went to my pediatrician with my older ones as a young mother, I always told him Doc, this kid of mine is a genius. And he would look at me patronizingly say, "it's possible. But your kid is hitting all his milestones exactly on time. It's not early"

Every mother likes to think of her child as a genius. I have some truly smart ones and average one. It's just not very good manners to brag publicly and honestly for what purpose??


Yes, of course I think my kids are all brilliant and gorgeous and charming … ka”h ka”h ka”…. But not sure why some stranger at playgroup needs to know!
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:32 am
Others may disagree with me, but except in very blatant cases of absolute geniuses (like kid who does advanced math at the age of 2 or something out there like that) it's really hard to tell how "advanced" your kid is at that age.

I can tell you that some of my kids seemed very smart at that age, reached baby milestones faster, quick and personalities, etc....and are average students....and my one kid who was top in her class academically was actually the slowest to reach milestones as a young child. I used to call her my favorite turtle.....

These people are tooting their own horn, OP, and yeah, it's kind of distasteful.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:32 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
I can't resist smiling and waving at cute kids on the bus. (What else should I do, it's a long trip!)

If I compliment the child and tell the mom how adorable they are, I always say "bli ayin hara" afterwards. I know that in many circles, praising a child is not something they are very comfortable with unless you say that. (I'm not going to go "pew pew pew" and spit on the floor, though.)


Would it be better manners if these women said

“My little Moishy is a genius. Way way advanced. Oh, and bli Ayin hara “ 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I also always make friends with kids in public… I feel like I’m our society we’re desensitised to cute kids because ka”h they’re everywhere. Every one of them is a big deal!
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amother




Maple
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:33 am
Usually I find that people who do this are very insecure. My kids are older now but I remember this so we'll from when they were little. Oh my kid is a genius, oh, he knows this and that. But what doesn't he know. How to say please and thank you. How to play nicely. How to be polite.

I have one child who is gifted and another one who likely is but we never did testing for various reasons. I don't go around announcing this, ever. An intelligent child will get noticed on their own merits.

What matters to me is that my children always knew good manners and how to be good people. That comes from the parents and that takes work.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:34 am
Chayalle wrote:
Others may disagree with me, but except in very blatant cases of absolute geniuses (like kid who does advanced math at the age of 2 or something out there like that) it's really hard to tell how "advanced" your kid is at that age.

I can tell you that some of my kids seemed very smart at that age, reached baby milestones faster, quick and personalities, etc....and are average students....and my one kid who was top in her class academically was actually the slowest to reach milestones as a young child. I used to call her my favorite turtle.....

These people are tooting their own horn, OP, and yeah, it's kind of distasteful.


Totally. They are 2 years old. Like my cousin who used to brag that her son rolled early. Look out 2030 olympics, get this infant kid registered in ever my category!

My oldest was extremely advanced at that age, to the point where the doctors were astonished. As a first time mother I too thought I had a genius on my hands (though I didn’t tell strangers…) Now she is in 3rd grade and solidly average academically.
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amother




Whitewash
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:43 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Totally. They are 2 years old. Like my cousin who used to brag that her son rolled early. Look out 2030 olympics, get this infant kid registered in ever my category!

My oldest was extremely advanced at that age, to the point where the doctors were astonished. As a first time mother I too thought I had a genius on my hands (though I didn’t tell strangers…) Now she is in 3rd grade and solidly average academically.


My oldest was very advanced motorically. She sat, crawled, stood and walked very early. As it turned out, she was diagnosed with ADD, language impairment and struggled all the way through school with therapies, remedial lessons and a whole lot of special consideration.

Today B"H, she is studying architecture but it is still not easy and she has to work extremely hard.
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tigerwife




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:48 am
Maybe they were all first time moms.
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amother




Dill
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:49 am
I have a child thats really intelligent. She remembers details of Chumush, Navi, History....that she learned over 8 years ago. We dont brag about it. She is bh an outgoing friendly girl, most people dont know this about her.

I have siblings that were also really smart in school. They were valedictorian in a large HS. Some of them got a peckel from hashem that I dont wish on my worst enemy.
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:49 am
Meh. Don’t get your knickers in a twist. Just smile fatuously and say “How wonderful! Have a lot of nachas” and go on your merry way. It costs you something?
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amother




DarkMagenta
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:50 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Yes, of course I think my kids are all brilliant and gorgeous and charming … ka”h ka”h ka”…. But not sure why some stranger at playgroup needs to know!


And maybe times even if I think they are a genius, it simply is not true. They are the cutest, sweetest, smartest in MY eyes. But to others he may be average.
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amother




Oxfordblue
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:56 am
One of my kids is exceptionally bright. He learns everything super quickly and was reading chapter books, rashi letters, and doing advanced math at 4 years old.

While that is very exciting and I'm proud of him, he also has ADHD and is my most challenging child. He's also the most physically fragile of my kids and sees doctors for allergies, kidney health, feeding issues and proper growth.

So it seems kind of silly to me to brag about my advanced child. Everyone has a package and being smart doesn't guarantee success in other areas.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:57 am
zaq wrote:
Meh. Don’t get your knickers in a twist. Just smile fatuously and say “How wonderful! Have a lot of nachas” and go on your merry way. It costs you something?


I think OP is just wondering about the cultural aspect of it. Every culture has weird stuff around their kids - or at least weird to someone who is not in that mindset.

I'm always curious about other points of view, too.
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