My child is a genius

amother

Tanzanite

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:59 am

amother [ Dill ] wrote:

I have a child thats really intelligent. She remembers details of Chumush, Navi, History....that she learned over 8 years ago. We dont brag about it. She is bh an outgoing friendly girl, most people dont know this about her.

I have siblings that were also really smart in school. They were valedictorian in a large HS. Some of them got a peckel from hashem that I dont wish on my worst enemy.

I also have a child that's really smart. She's quoted in her yearbook as saying "remember when we learned XYZ" - she has an amazing memory, chumash, navi, shoroshom in a pasuk somewhere else that she remembers. Teachers raved to me about her abilities.

In grade school and part of high school, her report card is a solid line of A's and A+.

And then something happened and she developed a mood disorder that came from nowhere. Meds she had to go on that affected her concentration levels. She struggled to finish high school.

She does really well now but it's a new and different reality. Not the same like before.

I've learned to appreciate gifts when you have them. There are no guarantees.

Zehava

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 10:02 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Why do people feel the need to tell others how brilliant their child is? How am I supposed to respond other than “great!”

Had my 2 year olds orientation yesterday and multiple mothers casually commented to me that their 2 year old is extremely advanced. I’m not handing out academic scholarships here. Then I feel like if I don’t say “mine is too!” Then I’m like… not sticking up for my own little genius.

It just seems so socially inappropriate. It has literally nothing to do with me, a stranger, and there’s nothing normal I can respond. And if my child were delayed, perhaps all this bragging from strangers would make me feel bad.

Just a vent- and do people see a purpose in this or are do they just want to brag?

What about when they tell me that my kid is a genius?
Growing up my geniusness was a constant topic of conversation and I vowed to never do that to my kids.
So whenever others comments I’m always like “bh” and steer the conversation in another direction. It’s kind of awkward.

amother

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 10:05 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

I think OP is just wondering about the cultural aspect of it. Every culture has weird stuff around their kids - or at least weird to someone who is not in that mindset.

I'm always curious about other points of view, too.

Yes, actually, I didn’t grow up frum, and I asked my nonfrum mother about this and she had a bag full of stories about mothers doing the same thing in our Episcopalian preK. So to my delight it’s not a Jewish thing at all, just a mom thing ….

amother

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 10:07 am

Zehava wrote:

I do feel that the term genius is thrown around too liberally. It has a specific meaning. It doesn’t mean “very bright” or even “super advanced 2 year old”. I’m not saying YOUR child is a genius, but these terms are not thrown around by professionals but rather by people with no expertise. Even an experienced teacher may not be qualified to say who is a “genius”.

octopus

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 10:12 am

People don't realize that being a genius and parenting genius children can come with tremendous tremendous challenges. It's not so simple.

amother

Eggshell

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 10:14 am

Wrong forum.

behappy2

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 10:20 am

My husband does this whenever we visit ppl. I get real embaressed. But I know he's just so proud and is sure everyone is proud together with him Smile

Tzutzie

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 10:27 am

At 2 it is about how cute and independent these little humans are. When they are older it's about smarts. No?
Did I miss the memo?

Either way, bragging like that is silly.

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 10:41 am

Life experience has taught me that smart/genius does not guarantee anything. I would prefer to describe my kids as friendly/ good-hearted/ caring/ outgoing/ fun to be around/ confident etc ...

Rappel

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 10:43 am

I'm willing to bet that all these proud mamas also only have one or two children, right?

Let it slide. Time and experience will teach them manners, and give them perspective.

Zehava

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 10:53 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

100%
My kids are probably gifted to some extent but they also read a lot and know a lot and it surprises people. But I don’t think it’s right to discuss it.

amother

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 10:56 am

Rappel wrote:

I'm willing to bet that all these proud mamas also only have one or two children, right?

Let it slide. Time and experience will teach them manners, and give them perspective.

Not sure, but they are usually on the young side from what I can recall. Either way I certainly don’t say anything to them other than “oh that’s nice” or something like that. But I do judge just a drop… working on it Smile

zaq

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 11:36 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

You may be right, but to me she sounded annoyed and disgusted, not curious about other cultures.

amother

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 11:44 am

zaq wrote:

You may be right, but to me she sounded annoyed and disgusted, not curious about other cultures.

Disgusted ??!? Lol it ain’t that serious

amother

Stoneblue

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 11:50 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Because the less intelligent you are, the more you feel a need to brag about how intelligent you are.

The less intelligent you (and your kids) are, the more you work to convince yourself that your children are little Einsteins.

Trust me, the mothers of the real geniuses are not bragging about how brilliant their kids are. They are too busy trying to keep one step ahead of their too-brilliant-for-their-own-good kids. And they certainly don't want to give their kids an ayin hara ch"v.

Plus they know that bragging about how smart your kids are is tantamount to bragging about how smart you and your husband are. And the ones who are really smart, know that everyone knows they are smart and expects their kids to also be smart.

And they are sick of being told that they're not REALLY smarter than anyone else, and don't want to subject their kids to such belittling talk (aimed at hurting their egos because ch"v anyone should be smarter than most) from such a young age.

So in short, why do some people feel the need to tell others how brilliant their child is? Because they feel a need to boost their ego by using their child to do it.

I don't talk about how smart my kids are. I also feel like I'm not sticking up for their genius. But it's not a contest and I'm not out there to convince anyone of the brilliance of my own kid. I don't owe anyone any explanation and joining the smart kid contest is just immature.

I want my kids to have more friends than I had. And the way to do that is not by showing your smarts, but by keeping them under wraps in any situation where it's not appropriate to show them off.

amother

Stoneblue

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 11:53 am

octopus wrote:

People don't realize that being a genius and parenting genius children can come with tremendous tremendous challenges. It's not so simple.

Oh! Another mother after my own heart!!

Can we be friends?

Zehava

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 11:56 am

octopus wrote:

People don't realize that being a genius and parenting genius children can come with tremendous tremendous challenges. It's not so simple.

Absolutely right

amother

Stoneblue

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 11:57 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes, of course I think my kids are all brilliant and gorgeous and charming … ka”h ka”h ka”…. But not sure why some stranger at playgroup needs to know!

Because they want to make small talk and they have nothing better to talk about other than how great their own kids are.

amother

Oldlace

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 11:57 am

Reminds me of my sil who bragged (yes bragged!!) to me about how early her son got his first tooth. As if it was an indication of high intellect lol!

amother

Stoneblue

Mon, Aug 30 2021, 12:01 pm

amother [ Oldlace ] wrote:

Reminds me of my sil who bragged (yes bragged!!) to me about how early her son got his first tooth. As if it was an indication of high intellect lol!

LOL this is literally my favorite brag to listen to.

People talk about how many teeth their kids have at such and such an age, with so much pride you'd think their kids had been elected valedictorian at age 2. It's hilarious. I'm just happy mine stay toothless until their first birthdays. It makes extended breastfeeding that much easier!