Home

My child is a genius
Previous  1, 2, 3, 4
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Kiwi13




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 2:04 pm
amother [ Stoneblue ] wrote:
I don't see it as parents thinking the world of their kids. I see it as parents trying to use their kids as an ego boost, or trying to make everyone impressed with their children.

Parents who think the world of their kids treasure their children no matter what their intelligence and find what to love about their children, objective intelligence aside.

A need to tell the world how smart your child is, is not the same as thinking the world of your child.


I hope I'm not guilty of this then...

My daughter is very bright. Not Mensa genius or whatever, but she and her twin brother were born 3 days before the school deadline. She's definitely among the top of her class already, even though she's the youngest by almost a year. Bright kid, and as others said, stubbornness comes with the territory. I marvel at her ability to grasp new ideas, and at her self-sufficiency at tasks that take most kids longer to master. I work very hard with her on appropriate self-expression, because she could easily get out of hand with stubbornness and manipulation. I'm proud of her for her achievements and I do talk about her a lot. I don't mean it in a bragging way, but maybe it comes across like that? I hope not.

I talk about my other kids' strengths too. Her twin brother has special needs, and likely has whatever the new PC-approved term is for "mental retardation." Still, he's not dumb. He's a strong case for valuing multiple intelligence. I gush about him too, all the time. He impresses me constantly. Same with my oldest. They each have their own strengths.

Out of my kids, I have to admit it was my son with special needs who ingrained in me the true meaning of meeting each kid where they are, and encouraging their specific strengths. So when I gush about my daughter's intelligence, it's not because I think intelligence makes her inherently better, but it is a great thing to have, and I encourage her to use it well. Same with other strengths that she and my boys have.

I don't know... it doesn't bother me when people talk about their genius kids. I take it with a grain of salt sometimes, depending on how it's said, but it doesn't bother me. Unless maybe the person is trying to tell me that their kid is smarter than my kid - not because I care if they're right or wrong, but because I don't think you should compare kids.
Back to top

amother




Violet
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 2:09 pm
amother [ Whitewash ] wrote:
They just love to brag. Its all part of the mommy wars dynamic......everything is a competition.
As for children with delays.... I cannot tell you how many times I have mothers competing regarding how many different therapies they are getting and making each other feel bad that they don't do enough...


I just want to say that when I mention all the therapies, I'm not bragging.
& sometimes sharing and hearing other moms experiences help me feel normal. I'm ok. My child isn't the only one.
Back to top

amother




Impatiens
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 2:14 pm
I don't necessarily talk about it with random strangers but with friends the fact that my kids are bright does come up a fair amount but it's not bragging, just in terms of figuring out class placement... I have a daughter who is bright and I was talking with a classmate of hers' mother. The mother told me that while her daughter struggles academically she has another child who is very bright and she actually finds navigating the school system harder for him then for her daughter. there's more of a focus of helping the kids who are struggling then dealing with the kids who are smarter and therefore bored. Not all teachers know how to handle that. Sometimes I wonder if there is a very high percentage of frum kids or at least families that have at least one kid who is very smart.
Back to top

amother




Stoneblue
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 2:15 pm
Kiwi13 wrote:
I hope I'm not guilty of this then...

My daughter is very bright. Not Mensa genius or whatever, but she and her twin brother were born 3 days before the school deadline. She's definitely among the top of her class already, even though she's the youngest by almost a year. Bright kid, and as others said, stubbornness comes with the territory. I marvel at her ability to grasp new ideas, and at her self-sufficiency at tasks that take most kids longer to master. I work very hard with her on appropriate self-expression, because she could easily get out of hand with stubbornness and manipulation. I'm proud of her for her achievements and I do talk about her a lot. I don't mean it in a bragging way, but maybe it comes across like that? I hope not.

I talk about my other kids' strengths too. Her twin brother has special needs, and likely has whatever the new PC-approved term is for "mental retardation." Still, he's not dumb. He's a strong case for valuing multiple intelligence. I gush about him too, all the time. He impresses me constantly. Same with my oldest. They each have their own strengths.

Out of my kids, I have to admit it was my son with special needs who ingrained in me the true meaning of meeting each kid where they are, and encouraging their specific strengths. So when I gush about my daughter's intelligence, it's not because I think intelligence makes her inherently better, but it is a great thing to have, and I encourage her to use it well. Same with other strengths that she and my boys have.

I don't know... it doesn't bother me when people talk about their genius kids. I take it with a grain of salt sometimes, depending on how it's said, but it doesn't bother me. Unless maybe the person is trying to tell me that their kid is smarter than my kid - not because I care if they're right or wrong, but because I don't think you should compare kids.

I would trust that with your background you would be sensitive enough to "using" kids not to do it yourself.

For the same reason I try very hard not to do it to my children.

I think a lot of times it comes off a certain way depending on tone of voice, etc. Even when it's not ego-boosting for the parent, if talking about your child is the only way you know to make small talk, that's using the child in a way.

I think a lot of it is about the difference between meeting a child where s/he is and encouraging specific strengths, and sending children to after-school activities that you chose because you think it's important and you want your child to develop those skills. Sometimes the outcome is the same, but the process (which impacts the child) is different.

Like a chess club is something that lots of parents will send to because they see it as important, as something to make children smarter. But some kids will end up in the chess club because they love chess, even if the parents wanted to send to a sports activity. Same end result, different reason and process (and different brags from the parents).

As a teacher it does bother me when parents gush about their genius children. But maybe that's my issue, because I'm the one who is expected to provide extra high-level work for the child who struggles and who is yelled at when the child brings home a mark that is less than satisfactory. The expectations placed on children by parents who think their children are geniuses are simply too high. A child doesn't need to be a genius in order to be worthy of love. That's something that it sounds like you understand. But the tone and body language of most of the gushing parents sends a message that they don't understand.
Back to top

amother




Geranium
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 2:19 pm
I noticed that this kind of talk is more common with parents of an only child or oldest child who really don’t have much to compare with.
My oldest, who is now 16, is very intellectually gifted (a genius if you may), really, she’s evaluated and goes to a special school and everything. When she was little we actually stopped sharing the cute things she did or says with anyone but our very immediate family because we got the feeling from our surroundings that we were bragging, it didn’t occur to us how advanced she was because she was our oldest so we had nothing to compare to (for instance, at 11 months she could identify the sounds at least ten farm animals made from a picture book that we had - we had no idea where she picked it up, maybe the daycare she had just started?).
She grew up to be very intelligent but also with many other struggles and challenges. Our other kids are mostly varies degrees of average, but it seems like our toddler is actually brilliant like his oldest sister as well - and again I find myself trying to limit what I share about his capabilities.
I see this sort of bragging attitude mostly with parents of oldest children who have nothing to compare with or parents who love you brag (how about the moms who go on and on about how beautiful their kids are 🙄). However, sometimes it’s just really parents who are sharing cute stories about their brilliant kids without any intention of bragging and they’re made to feel as though they are show-offs.
ETA
When it came to school with my gifted DD, teachers could not grasp how intelligent she was, many times they thought I as a parent, just bragging when I talked to them at the beginning of each year to prepare them for her challenges. She also has many additional struggles (classic social issues that gifted kids have plus ADHD and executive skills challenges). Many teachers didn’t really understand that she was more intelligent than they are, elementary school was a nightmare. Thankfully, we found a middle school that caters to gifted kids and she has slowly been able to blossom both scholastically and socially.
People think that being gifted makes your life easier, but in reality it is just as challenging as learning disabilities (I have kids with those too).
Back to top

amother




Impatiens
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 2:21 pm
or sometimes we are venting. my kid started to crawl early, she got into everything and I felt like I was losing it. Am I bragging that she was early or sharing what's going on in my life...
Back to top

amother




Whitewash
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 2:37 pm
amother [ Impatiens ] wrote:
or sometimes we are venting. my kid started to crawl early, she got into everything and I felt like I was losing it. Am I bragging that she was early or sharing what's going on in my life...

I get how sometimes it is venting. I think in those cases you need to be aware of who you are talking to. It's kind of like complaining about morning sickness to someone going through infertility...
We are only human and we can't always get it right but as in everything in life we can always
Try to be more sensitive to those around us.
Back to top

amother




Molasses
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 2:47 pm
My favorite experience was this was when my ds went to no cut basketball clinic. For like 7 year olds. All Jews. No future Kareem Abdul Jabars there. Unlikely any Ryan Turells either. Just some kids, some of whom liked ball, some of whom kinda didn't but whose mom thought her son should try and join something (that was mine). The other parents were so competitive. You would have thought there were scouts there looking to give out college scholarships. The whole time they are bragging, I kept thinking to myself-my kid will not be getting an athletic scholarship. Now I can say 10+ years later, that he got a full academic scholarship. I still kind of doubt that any of those kids the parents were bragging about really made it to divison I sports.
Back to top

amother




Brickred
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 3:01 pm
amother [ Stoneblue ] wrote:
In the gums or already sticking out?


You really made me laugh, thank you! The teeth are out already, promise.
Back to top

amother




Stoneblue
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 3:09 pm
amother [ Brickred ] wrote:
You really made me laugh, thank you! The teeth are out already, promise.

No...I meant were the teeth already visible in the baby's mouth, when the baby was born? Or almost ready, but still in the gums?
Back to top

amother




Brickred
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 3:21 pm
amother [ Stoneblue ] wrote:
No...I meant were the teeth already visible in the baby's mouth, when the baby was born? Or almost ready, but still in the gums?


Definitely visible, apparently like 1/3000 babies are born with them (like 1 or 2 teeth) but I never heard of anyone else and I think a few of her kids were born with them
Back to top

imorethanamother




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:09 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Why do people feel the need to tell others how brilliant their child is? How am I supposed to respond other than “great!”

Had my 2 year olds orientation yesterday and multiple mothers casually commented to me that their 2 year old is extremely advanced. I’m not handing out academic scholarships here. Then I feel like if I don’t say “mine is too!” Then I’m like… not sticking up for my own little genius.

It just seems so socially inappropriate. It has literally nothing to do with me, a stranger, and there’s nothing normal I can respond. And if my child were delayed, perhaps all this bragging from strangers would make me feel bad.

Just a vent- and do people see a purpose in this or are do they just want to brag?


OP, you're hilarious.

I see this all the time. I also wonder when people do this to me. I'm not the kid's grandmother, I honestly don't care how amazingly your kid is doing. I appreciate weird and funny stories, though!

My sister in law, who has given birth to the most amazing and gorgeous children on the planet, has never, not ever, bragged about anything they've done or said. It's really quite impressive! She's very careful about what she shares.
Back to top

amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 9:23 pm
amother [ Molasses ] wrote:
My favorite experience was this was when my ds went to no cut basketball clinic. For like 7 year olds. All Jews. No future Kareem Abdul Jabars there. Unlikely any Ryan Turells either. Just some kids, some of whom liked ball, some of whom kinda didn't but whose mom thought her son should try and join something (that was mine). The other parents were so competitive. You would have thought there were scouts there looking to give out college scholarships. The whole time they are bragging, I kept thinking to myself-my kid will not be getting an athletic scholarship. Now I can say 10+ years later, that he got a full academic scholarship. I still kind of doubt that any of those kids the parents were bragging about really made it to divison I sports.



🤣🤣🤣 my son really wants to join one of these leagues- I don’t know how I’d handle this 😂😂😂😂
Back to top

amother




Canary
 

Post Mon, Aug 30 2021, 11:57 pm
There's actually a real genius living right here in the United States. From what I heard he could read Rashi at age 3 and finished Shas before Bar Mitzvah. His parents are not boasting about it. They hide him as much as possible so he can live somewhat of a normal life. It's not always easy having a true genius for a child.
Also, rolling at an early age doesn't correlate with being smart.
Back to top

amother




Stoneblue
 

Post Tue, Aug 31 2021, 4:18 pm
amother [ Canary ] wrote:
There's actually a real genius living right here in the United States. From what I heard he could read Rashi at age 3 and finished Shas before Bar Mitzvah. His parents are not boasting about it. They hide him as much as possible so he can live somewhat of a normal life. It's not always easy having a true genius for a child.
Also, rolling at an early age doesn't correlate with being smart.

Replace "not always" with "never," and you'll have a true statement.
Back to top
Previous  1, 2, 3, 4 Recent Topics

Page 4 of 4 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Child cant do ____ does he have a problem?
by amother
9 Sun, Dec 05 2021, 10:47 pm View last post
How to lower my child's voice
by amother
3 Sun, Dec 05 2021, 11:51 am View last post
JRA/JIA what were your child’s symptoms (or yours) and how
by amother
6 Thu, Dec 02 2021, 8:13 am View last post
In my child's playgroup...
by amother
13 Tue, Nov 30 2021, 12:59 pm View last post
by EBY
Extremely turned off from child’s Morah
by amother
13 Mon, Nov 29 2021, 9:46 am View last post