Siblings changing diaper

BrisketBoss

Tue, Aug 31 2021, 7:31 pm

amother [ Calendula ] wrote:

That doesn’t answer the question. If you had 2 kids both equally capable and available the night you were going out , one is male and one is female- who would you hire. Knowing you need little kids bathed and changed.

Probably the one we knew better? It's a shame male babysitters are stigmatized. Some boys are really great with kids.

amother

Steelblue

Tue, Aug 31 2021, 7:31 pm

amother [ Calendula ] wrote:

Honestly? Whichever one my kids were most comfortable with, and liked.
But it is a moot point, because unlike in the Babysitters Club I simply have never met teen boys who make it known they are interested in being a babysitter for all and sundry. Just teen boys who sit for their own siblings- and I don't see a problem with that.

amother

Calendula

Tue, Aug 31 2021, 7:44 pm

But they aren’t stigmatized. Halacha states stricter Yichud rules for boys than for girls. Girls cannot be alone with men starting much earlier than boys. So the greatest of Rabbis (all male BTW) created a set of rules to help protect women more than even the men when it came to yichud. If this is so important and someone decided to make an organization where boys can sign up as babysitters to help break the stigma, im sure most families wouldn’t seek them out specifically. Most here are scared to admit it but sit with yourself quitetly and just think. Dovid , age 11 to come babysit , bathe and change my darling 2 years old Baila ? sounds good? What about the moms who mentions boy counclers in camp. How often do you have a class of kids with boys helping little girls change in and out of bathing suits and rubbing sun tan lotion on their bodies. Not often. If anyone is so passionate about boy/girl equality then please open up this Boys Babysitters Club. I want to see how many would parents would hire.

amother

Lilac

Tue, Aug 31 2021, 7:50 pm

amother [ Calendula ] wrote:

Honestly? To me You are the one and only voice of reason in this entire crazy thread.

ETA: I see there are a few more lone quiet yet firm voices, maybe the minority but here, thank Goodness.

BrisketBoss

Tue, Aug 31 2021, 7:51 pm

amother [ Calendula ] wrote:

Even those stricter rules don't apply for girls who are younger than 3. Even these 'greatest of Rabbis' only expected perviness to go so far.

amother

Steelblue

Tue, Aug 31 2021, 7:52 pm

I really have a problem with posts here that seem to s*xualize babies & toddlers and taking care of them. It seems way ickier to me than a teenage brother caring for his baby sister, just sayin.

Yichud is a very different ball of wax, if you have ever studied the halachos in depth.

Lastly as someone who was changing younger siblings' diapers at a way younger age than 11, I will say unless for extenuating circumstances I don't think it is fair for an 11 year old, boy or girl, to be expected to change siblings' diapers. But not because of tznius concerns.

amother

Sunflower

Tue, Aug 31 2021, 7:54 pm

amother [ Calendula ] wrote:

And yichud starts at 3 for a girl.... so clearly diapers seem to not be an issue according to your proof. And many people are fine with boys babysitting.

BrisketBoss

Tue, Aug 31 2021, 7:56 pm

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

Never said or thought Pervs or pedos chas v sholom - just a preferred boundary- we keep yichud not because we think very male is a perv either!

Yichud is all about preventing inappropriate conduct! Yes, you don't expect any problems in many of the scenarios where you keep it, but that's the point. Yichud is supposed to prevent the unexpected.

amother

Natural

Tue, Aug 31 2021, 8:03 pm

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

Never said or thought Pervs or pedos chas v sholom - just a preferred boundary- we keep yichud not because we think very male is a perv either!

We keep yichud because it is normal for a human to have temptations in that area, even if most of us know better than to act on it.

amother

Sunflower

Tue, Aug 31 2021, 8:06 pm

What do diapers have to do with yichud??? Yichud starts at 3 most kids are not in diapers at that age. Are you all being frummer than halacha out of fear? Kids pick up on these fears and it causes actual issues. Extremes are not good for kids. And I’m saying this as someone yeshivish.

amother

Calendula

Tue, Aug 31 2021, 8:10 pm

yiddishmom wrote:

To the woman who brought up the concept of male babysitters, please explain what you are trying to say?

A stranger vs a brother: very different.

I am specifically addressing the women who said boys shouldn’t be stigmatized. Bc even tho they say that I know they aren’t comfortable with boys babysitting and bathing their girls. I know they aren’t comfortable with boy counselors helping their daughters in camp or with accident in camp where they need help in the bathroom. It’s not really a stigma it’s more the norm and the reality. As for the sibling issue , every mom can do as they please… but maybe this is something to ask their own Rav and see what they would say. Who knows maybe he’s all for it.

**edited to make more clear**

yiddishmom

Tue, Aug 31 2021, 8:11 pm

amother [ Calendula ] wrote:

I am specifically addressing the women who said boys shouldn’t be stigmatized. Bc even tho they say that I know they aren’t comfortable with boys babysitting and bathing the girls. I know they aren’t comfortable with boy counselors helping they daughters in camp or with accident in camp. It’s not really a stigma it’s more the norm and the reality. As for the sibling issue , every mom can do as they please… but maybe this is something to ask their own Rav and see what they would say. Who knows maybe he’s all for it.

Ok, I wasn't following the thread fully.

Understood.

amother

Begonia

Tue, Aug 31 2021, 8:28 pm

amother [ Sunflower ] wrote:

And yichud starts at 3 for a girl.... so clearly diapers seem to not be an issue according to your proof. And many people are fine with boys babysitting.

The issue is with a boy seeing a female private part. He doesn't need to.

amother

Sunflower

Tue, Aug 31 2021, 8:30 pm

amother [ Begonia ] wrote:

The issue is with a boy seeing a female private part. He doesn't need to.

And it's not the end of the world if he sees a baby girl. Most people have seen their siblings naked as babies. Do you lock the door every time you change a diaper or bathe and dress a kid? How do you even manage in a house of kids to shield your boys to this extreme? I can't imagine living like this. Sounds extreme and really unhealthy.

BrisketBoss

Tue, Aug 31 2021, 8:42 pm

amother [ Begonia ] wrote:

Nothing. But he doesn't need to.

Not a full reason to refrain from doing anything (that naturally comes up to do, e.g. in this case where a boy asks to be helpful to his family). There's something you're not saying.