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How does one show he has a passion for his learning on date

 
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balibusta




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Aug 31 2021, 11:00 pm
How does one show he is passionate abt his learning and torah on a date to a girl whose passionate? Ty trying to help a boy show it ..
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Aug 31 2021, 11:02 pm
The only thing I can think of, would be to make conversation about his learning or to somehow relate the conversation to the learning... As long as that doesn't dominate the conversation without the other person being actually interested in delving into it
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Girl@Heart




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Aug 31 2021, 11:12 pm
When you are passionate about something it naturally comes through when you discuss it.
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Crookshanks




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Aug 31 2021, 11:52 pm
If he's passionate, his references will have spoken about it. It shows in his actions (learns extra, learns with intensity, is in the Bais Medrash on vacation, etc).
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DrMom




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 01 2021, 1:09 am
He can cancel his date and tell the girl he has to study. It'll make a great impression!

j/k -- As Girl@Heart said, if you are truly passionate about something, you don't need to contrive ways to show it.
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Israeli




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 01 2021, 7:11 am
I remember dating a guy and has he dropped me off after the 3rd date he said "btw im very close to my rebbi from x yeshiva" it was totally out of the blue and I felt like he was just checking off the box of having a rebbi. It was so awkward.

When I was dating DH he didn't need to tell me he was close to his rebbi. I could have told you after 2 dates. It just comes through naturally.

If the boy is actually passionate about it it will come through. If he is not and he is trying to be to impress a girl it will just fall flat.
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 01 2021, 7:37 am
Did he just enter the parsha? I'd this his first date?
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 01 2021, 10:28 am
If he has to prove his passion to a particular girl, then they might not be a good match.

I never needed DH to prove his passion for learning to me. I can't even wrap my head around this concept. But it was there alright, and still is. But I wouldn't have signed up to be anyone's Mashgiach. I dated to see if the guy was right for me, if we hit it off and spoke the same language....not to determine if his passion is equal to what I expect.
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balibusta




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 01 2021, 3:00 pm
Its in the middle and hitting the bump about if he doesnt show he has a passion for his leanjng its over. And not the first time I set up ppl and had that bump in the middle with that point.
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 01 2021, 3:15 pm
balibusta wrote:
Its in the middle and hitting the bump about if he doesnt show he has a passion for his leanjng its over. And not the first time I set up ppl and had that bump in the middle with that point.


Can you reach out to the lady and find out what she means by passion. Then either explain why that's not realistic or tell the gentleman to bring his Gemara on the next date? I mean... What does passion mean?
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BokerTov




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 01 2021, 3:25 pm
balibusta wrote:
Its in the middle and hitting the bump about if he doesnt show he has a passion for his leanjng its over. And not the first time I set up ppl and had that bump in the middle with that point.

If a guy needs to prove his passion it sounds fake. Like others said, it should’ve been mentioned by the references or come through in conversation naturally. If neither of this happened then maybe he’s not as passionate as this specific girl wants.
I never heard of a guy needing to prove his passion to learning during a date. He should act his natural self so the girl gets to know his genuine type and then decide if this is what she’s looking for. Changing himself for a date or trying to prove something he’s not will only backfire.
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Iymnok




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 01 2021, 3:27 pm
Is she looking for a chavrusa?
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Amarante




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 01 2021, 3:30 pm
balibusta wrote:
Its in the middle and hitting the bump about if he doesnt show he has a passion for his leanjng its over. And not the first time I set up ppl and had that bump in the middle with that point.


Is the issue with this specific girl or this specific boy or just in general.

Like others, I am a bit baffled because in my experience someone who is passionate about anything - let alone something as fundamental as learning - doesn’t need to do anything specific because it just comes through naturally.

Again it would depend in where the specific issue is. If a girl is finding all boys to be lacking in that characteristic, perhaps she is unrealistic or not a good judge of picking up stuff. If a boy is the issue, then perhaps he needs some guidance on how to be himself on a date so his true qualities are apparent. If everyone you try to set up, has this issue maybe it is you in terms of not understanding what a person means by wanting someone who is passionate about learning and so the people are actually not good matches. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 01 2021, 3:39 pm
balibusta wrote:
Its in the middle and hitting the bump about if he doesnt show he has a passion for his leanjng its over. And not the first time I set up ppl and had that bump in the middle with that point.


Strange.

Sounds like a mismatch then.
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miami85




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 01 2021, 3:46 pm
Having dated a lot of guys, I found that it was in their overall attitude and comportment. For example, I wanted a "serious learner" but I wanted someone who would give me the 'time of day" and appreciate that I have a degree/profession etc. One guy I went out with had a "passion for learning" despite working in the family business. I was redt the guy more than once and it took us a year to finally actually go out. By the time I went out with him, I heard plenty about his job, and how he loved working, drove a Lexus and took me to a restaurant and ordered a steak. Then there was the opposite extreme of a guy who thought that texting was the devil's slipcover and when I mentioned how long I'd worked on my research paper for school all he could say was "doesn't compare to sitting all day learning"--yea gee thanks a lot, I'm looking for a husband, not a chavrusa. Another guy I dated would barely look at me, and when I asked what his future plans were said "teaching" Why? "What else do you do with your learning?"--um, yea, real passion there.
Whereas my husband was a mentch, took me to the same restaurant where the guy ordered a steak and he ordered a much more modest dish. He spoke of his rabbeim respectfully, spoke about his hashkafos and his goals in life with his learning. It was just completely different--and yes my husband eventually got smicha, still learns daily, works full-time, he's a baal koreh, and learns daf yomi.
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Cheiny




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 01 2021, 3:53 pm
balibusta wrote:
How does one show he is passionate abt his learning and torah on a date to a girl whose passionate? Ty trying to help a boy show it ..


He shouldn’t have to prove it. If it’s true, it will come through naturally.
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banana123




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 01 2021, 4:25 pm
They could do a sefarim store date.
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dancingqueen




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 01 2021, 4:27 pm
Iymnok wrote:
Is she looking for a chavrusa?


If I was going to be working to support someone learning I would hope he was passionate about it.
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banana123




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Sep 01 2021, 4:31 pm
balibusta wrote:
Its in the middle and hitting the bump about if he doesnt show he has a passion for his leanjng its over. And not the first time I set up ppl and had that bump in the middle with that point.

Either her expectations are off, or they're not a match - he may be less passionate about his learning than she's looking for. But he may also just be more of a mentch.

If she needs him to be so passionate about his learning, does that mean she will go without his help even postpartum? I know some people like that, who send their husbands off to kollel and do it all themselves, even two days postpartum. If she can do that, that's great. But she needs to know what she's looking for.

OTOH he may be very passionate but also know how to be an attentive husband and father. Which means he's not going to be so absorbed in his learning that he can't see anyone or anything else. Still, in that case, I would assume the passion comes through.

How far along are they? How well do they know each other? Can she bring this up with him and see what he says?
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