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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Moving/ Relocating

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amother

Fri, Sep 03 2021, 8:03 am

So, we can buy maybe a house in the UK (we want to move back to the UK in the long term)... Only if we choose Manchester or Gateshead because London will be too expensive.
The thing is my husband had a traumatic youth in Manchester and that's why he doesn't want to move there. Yes, he is in therapy but even a week's visit to Manchester gives him anxiety and he falls back into old habits which are not good for him (pulling out his hair for instance, being overly anxious and agitated).

My friend who is from Gateshead says we might move to Gateshead if we get permission. The thing is my husband still believes Gateshead is a chareidi shtettel while we are more on the modern/litvish side. As in only a hat on shabbos on yotnif, jeans black knitted kippa during the week. And I wear fall during th week and a full shoulder length sheitel on shabbos. My husband works and I'm disabled for work in my country we have internet and Netflix etc and we read nonjewish books.
My friend in Gateshead says that Gateshead has changed over the years, the last time my husband was there was years ago he basically feels it is 3 streets where only frum people live and you need to be uber frum and chareidi... I don't know because I'm a BT from the European mainland and so on. A cousin told me that in Manchester I should be fit well in Seed community and I know in Gateshead there is not such a thing, but I'm wondering shall we don't look in to Gateshead at all? Even that is the only city where we can buy and sent our children to frum schools?

Elfrida

Fri, Sep 03 2021, 8:47 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My friend who is from Gateshead says we might move to Gateshead if we get permission. The thing is my husband still believes Gateshead is a chareidi shtettel while we are more on the modern/litvish side.

You need permission to move to Gateshead? Who gives the permission?

I can't say anything about the Gateshead community, but you are right that there, together with London and Manchester are the main Jewish communities in England.

On the other hand there are small communities in a lot of other places. They are smaller, probably more mixed religiously, and you would have to look carefully into the educational options available. You might be one of three or four women who cover their hair, while the rest wear a hat for shul. On the other hand, they are warm and welcoming, and value every member. If you think you could fit into that kind of framework, try casting your net a bit wider and see if there is something that suits you.

amother

Fri, Sep 03 2021, 9:08 am

Elfrida wrote:

Yeah from the Rov of Gateshead I’ve heard something like that

amother

Magnolia

Fri, Sep 03 2021, 9:32 am

It doesn’t sound like Gateshead is a good idea.
(I have siblings there)
I moved out of England years ago so I’m not familiar with the financial side of the communities. But my siblings are still there. Hashkafically, Manchester does sound best but if your husband is too traumatized its not going to work.
Would you visit different areas of Manchester? Suburb communities ? And see how he feels. Are his family of origin still there?
Personally I wouldn’t be able to move back so I get it.
I would look into other small communities. Anything in Scotland? College towns with a Jewish presence? Does Leeds / Glasgow and Liverpool have anything still? However small?
Good luck

Raisin

Fri, Sep 03 2021, 9:41 am

Leeds and Liverpool are both commutable to Manchester so in theory your potential kids could commute to school. (if you have someone to drive them...) Leeds I think is somewhat more vibrant than other provincial cities.

PinkFridge

Fri, Sep 03 2021, 9:46 am

Gateshead is lovely but I don't think it would work for you. Is it possible that you can revisit Manchester? Maybe there are new neighborhoods that'll offer so much you'll seldom need to go near the danger zones.

Fri, Sep 03 2021, 10:01 am

Doesn’t sound like Gateshead is quite the right fit, although the community there is broader than it used to be.
There is a smallish kehilla in Leeds which is 45 min drive from Manchester. There is a kollel there with a small kollel school , couple of Shuls, shop etc. So maybe this would be more suited? I think it is more vibrant than Liverpool. Glasgow has a community but it’s far from Manchester or Gateshead. Birmingham also has a small community, not sure how far the commute would be to London for school though.

#Happymom

Fri, Sep 03 2021, 10:12 am

Hi,we've just moved to gateshead so I might be able to help you. yes, you do need to get accepted into the kehilla before you can move here, although I'm not sure what their exact requirements are. in the last few years, a lot more me young working families have been moving here. although most of the families are yeshivish, there is a growing crowd of working men. you mentioned that your dh wears jeans in the week, there are a few men who I've seen wearing jeans here, but I don't know how many.

amother

Hibiscus

Fri, Sep 03 2021, 10:52 am

tbh although Gateshead has changed from the shtetel image people have of it, it hasn't changed quite as much as that. I do think the majority of people there are more black hat and you might not find yourself comfortable. You don't want to feel like you don't fit in. And I've never heard anything about needing permission to live. Just will add that the houses are cheaper but the kosher food is more expensive as it's a small town and there's monopolys on most things, mainly milk and meat/chicken.
Also there isn't many houses that come available as most of the streets around the Jewish community are maisonette houses (two flats rather than a whole house)
Are you able to visit for a few days/shabbos to get a feel of what it's like and whether you feel comfortable?
Is Edgeware an option or is that still too expensive? Otherwise, like other posters have said, you would fit best in Manchester. What about Whitefield area? It's not as close to the main prestwich/salford area so might not trigger your dh (unless he's from there) and is more mixed.
The only other option would be Leeds which does have a nice little Kehilla.

amother

Fri, Sep 03 2021, 11:15 am

amother [ Magnolia ] wrote:

His family is still there and he is from there.
Most of his family moved out of Manchester, from the 7 children in that family only 2 of them live in Manchester.
Basically the thing what triggers my husband the most is that whenever he is in Manchester and we were there just a few days ago for a couple of days, it that's it's making him scratching his skin open and that he is pulling out his beard hairs. My FIL is a hoarder who never was emotionally involved with his children he is also impulsive and spends money. My husband had huge flashbacks from his teens where he had to comfort his mother because his father was making debt after debt. Last week my MIL cried again out on my husbands shoulder and said 'sorry I'm relying on you but you are the only one who understands me'.
Also his mothers side is from a chavushe family who made name in whole yeshivish UK. And she is really attached to them, t is for my husband a pressure to appear more frum in Manchester so he can give her mother nachas. The silliest thing I do the same thing... The only time he was relaxed during this trip to Manchester was when we visit the parents of good friends. He now finally admit that being close to his parents gives him so much stress and that he is not able to cope with it.

Raisin

Fri, Sep 03 2021, 11:20 am

Frum Manchester is just one big spread out area. Or two adjoining ones. You could move to the furthest end of Prestwich if his family are in Salford but not sure if it would help.

amother

Honeysuckle

Fri, Sep 03 2021, 11:27 am

s1 wrote:

Birmingham also has a small community, not sure how far the commute would be to London for school though.

Birmingham community is lovely but very small, not many young families, not that many frum people, and about 2 hours from London. I really wouldn't advise it for OP.

Fri, Sep 03 2021, 12:36 pm

What about Hale or somewhere else in south Manchester?

amother

Purple

Sat, Sep 04 2021, 4:15 pm

If your DH is traumatized from Manchester, Gateshead is really not the place for him.

London is a nice mix and there are people of all financial brackets here. Yes, it’s very expensive but we all manage.

tree of life

Sat, Sep 04 2021, 4:26 pm

amother [ Honeysuckle ] wrote:

Birmingham community is lovely but very small, not many young families, not that many frum people, and about 2 hours from London. I really wouldn't advise it for OP.

Definitely not I lived there for three years the Jewish school is half Jewish half Muslim kids hense we moved to Edgware

tree of life

Sat, Sep 04 2021, 4:28 pm

I highly recommend Edgware or bore wood
Radlett in London they are much cheaper then Golders green and Stamford hill
At least you will have choices of school and shuls we lived in Edgware for thirteen years before we moved to Israel 11 years ago

amother

Sage

Sat, Sep 04 2021, 4:33 pm

I'm not from Gateshead but I know a lot of people there. I think you will feel like a second class citizen. You also need to understand that if you have internet and Netflix people might not be comfortable sending their kids to your home

amother

Yellow

Sat, Sep 04 2021, 5:26 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

I agree with this. We live in Manchester, I was brought up here, but now we live a little out of the area and love it.. Nothing is the same. Different people, diff shops etc. There are a few schools to chose from.

It's not like how it was when I grew up (possibly also your dh. I don't know his age) it used to be that we knew everyone here but now I hardly recognise anyone.. I'm like hey this is my town 😆 hatzlocho with what you decide. Buying a house in London is near impossible, but you can also rent and be happy there.

Aylat

Sat, Sep 04 2021, 6:19 pm

I second the suggestion to check out Leeds.

amother

Azalea

Sat, Sep 04 2021, 8:24 pm

Hi gv
Perhaps look into Borehamwood? It sounds more like you would fit in there and it is cheaper than London.
I dont know what your budget is or reason for davka buying straight away in a place you're not familiar with.
To clarify if you want to buy a house in the gateshead frum area you need permission from the rov, there is a waiting list and he gets to decide who can buy which house when they become available.
There are a few other different community rules there like if you buy meat in Manchester because its cheaper you need to pay a "tax" there to make up for it.
(I dont live there myself).
Hatzlocha, I do recommend looking into Borehamwood

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