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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Texting Father in law good Shabbos
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, Sep 03 2021, 3:50 pm
Is it a normal thing to do to text my father in law good Shabbos? I would want to do it if it’s normal, but if it’s not appropriate, I wouldn’t want to.
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amother
Lightblue


 

Post Fri, Sep 03 2021, 3:52 pm
Ask your dh. In extremely RW circles it wouldn’t fly. Better to make it from you and dh both. Is there no mil in the picture?
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amother
Papayawhip


 

Post Fri, Sep 03 2021, 4:08 pm
My fil is a (yeshivish)rav. He text me every Friday gut shabbos and I answer gut shabbos. (Because of time difference he makes shabbos a few hours before me! )
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BrisketBoss




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Sep 03 2021, 4:17 pm
I think if you would initiate a Good Shabbos in person, then it's fine.
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SG18




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 4:01 pm
If it were me, I would most likely make a group chat with my mil and fil, so I could text them at the same time.
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amother
IndianRed


 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 4:09 pm
when I was engaged, dh asked me if I would mind texting his dad a good shabbos every week, at first I was so uncomfortable, but fil really appreciated it - and I did it for the first few months of our marriage too. I should restart it, come to think if it!
I'm rw yeshivish, fil is not so yeshivish, more balebatish
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 10:26 pm
This is a very interesting thread.
Is it really so weird to text a father in law?
I send pictures every single week before Shabbos.
If I wouldn’t do that I’d need to call or there would be no connection at all so this is much easier for me.
So those who don’t text, when do you speak? Do you speak/call?
I’m curious to hear the responses and if you can write if you’re MO or RW or yeshivish or chassidish etc would be appreciated.
OP, I don’t mean to hijack your thread. Let me know if you want me to start a spin-off.
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amother
Cognac


 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 10:29 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Is it a normal thing to do to text my father in law good Shabbos? I would want to do it if it’s normal, but if it’s not appropriate, I wouldn’t want to.


Oh gosh don’t you know this on your own? Of course it’s appropriate and a mitzvah.
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 10:31 pm
my fil is israeli chareidi
I dont have much to do with him
I email pics of my baby to my mil and if my dh is on the phone with his dad ill say hi and thats about it
hes a quiet guy doesnt rly schmooze with me ever
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amother
Papayawhip


 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 10:33 pm
amother [ Cognac ] wrote:
Oh gosh don’t you know this on your own? Of course it’s appropriate and a mitzvah.

Nasty way of responding!
Don't you know on your own that it's not nice to answer that way?
if she posted here she wanted to hear what other ppl were doing! And no it's not so obvious since plenty of ppl would respond that it's not done in their community!
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 10:35 pm
I think that it’s more common and maybe more of a need when there’s no mother in law in the picture.
For example mother in law can show him pictures that she gets or share things you said etc.
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 10:36 pm
amother [ Cognac ] wrote:
Oh gosh don’t you know this on your own? Of course it’s appropriate and a mitzvah.


My father in law is a big Rav and yet with me and family he's totally chill. But I'm still feeling awkward around him a few year into marriage. I wouldn't text him good Shabbos but we eat there Weekly. But I text him if I have a question or need something
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:03 pm
amother [ Cognac ] wrote:
Oh gosh don’t you know this on your own? Of course it’s appropriate and a mitzvah.


Not necessarily. There was a thread here not long ago in which an ima said that her fil ignores his dils, arranges the table so they're seated at the far end away from him and doesn't talk to them, only to his sons. I don't recall whether he spoke to his wife and daughters, if he had any, but he definitely didn't talk to his dils. Clearly this man would NOT want his dil texting him to wish him a good Shabbos.

I never heard it was a "mitzvah" to wish your fil a good Shabbos. A nice thing to do, maybe, but a mitzvah? I'm not convinced.
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amother
Mint


 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 2:33 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Is it a normal thing to do to text my father in law good Shabbos? I would want to do it if it’s normal, but if it’s not appropriate, I wouldn’t want to.

I don’t text my fil but there’s no right or wrong answer. Maybe ask your DH if he thinks it’s appropriate and if his dad would appreciate it?
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 3:37 am
Can you ask him?
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amother
Lime


 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 6:09 am
Imvho, it is better to call your fil erev shabbos to say good shabbos unless he is more the prefer texting type. The old fashioned way is more personable, if it is not a burden to them. In my extremely rw chareidi yeshivish family, the older generation, the child calls and speaks, how was your week etc, updates, and then the spouse gets on for a more quick good shabbos.
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amother
Salmon


 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 6:14 am
zaq wrote:
Not necessarily. There was a thread here not long ago in which an ima said that her fil ignores his dils, arranges the table so they're seated at the far end away from him and doesn't talk to them, only to his sons. I don't recall whether he spoke to his wife and daughters, if he had any, but he definitely didn't talk to his dils. Clearly this man would NOT want his dil texting him to wish him a good Shabbos.

I never heard it was a "mitzvah" to wish your fil a good Shabbos. A nice thing to do, maybe, but a mitzvah? I'm not convinced.


Yes, that was me.

My Fil would have a heart attack of I would text Gut shabbos or anything else for that matter.
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 6:27 am
amother [ Salmon ] wrote:
Yes, that was me.

My Fil would have a heart attack of I would text Gut shabbos or anything else for that matter.

Lol and my FIL would probably have a heart attack if I wouldn’t, I think he expects it by now. When I was newly married my mother in law asked me if I can call him as well to wish him good Shabbos and so I dutifully called each week. Then as life went on I started just sending a quick good Shabbos message with a few pictures to which he responds with a few nice words.
Nothing major but it keeps some kind of connection.
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Flip Flops




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 6:02 pm
I think this has less to do with your religious affiliation and more to do with your relationship with your FIL. I know many super "yeshivish" FILs who are very warm and have a closer relationship with their DILs. Others just don't have much of a relationship so it might be better not to.
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 6:32 pm
zaq wrote:
Not necessarily. There was a thread here not long ago in which an ima said that her fil ignores his dils, arranges the table so they're seated at the far end away from him and doesn't talk to them, only to his sons. I don't recall whether he spoke to his wife and daughters, if he had any, but he definitely didn't talk to his dils. Clearly this man would NOT want his dil texting him to wish him a good Shabbos.

I never heard it was a "mitzvah" to wish your fil a good Shabbos. A nice thing to do, maybe, but a mitzvah? I'm not convinced.



Beam me up, Scotty!!!

No signs of intelligent life on this planet.,,
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