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Daughter upset about new job! Please advise!
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:04 pm
Less than a week after my daughter got back from seminary in June, she interviewed for an office job. She was hired a day later.

I cautioned her that maybe she wanted to think about it a bit more. Her personality is not really for this type of job, but she really wanted to do it. A bunch of girls post-seminary work in this office, and she wanted to as well. I told her to really think about the commitment and the hours and how she was eliminating other things she may like to do. (Not many days off, for example, what if she wants to go to chasunas she needs to travel to?)

She didn't really ask too many questions about the job either, but she wanted to go for it because her friends were.

Well, less than a week into the job, she's massively upset.
She doesn't like that it's a 12 month position, not a school year schedule.
She wants to work at camp next summer but she can only take 3 days off at a time.
(All details she should have asked about and considered initially!)
She is miserable that she has to work on Chol Hamoed even though it's a frum office.

She's also signed up for a school program. DH and I are paying for school, however we cannot afford her laptop and all the equipment she will need for this program. She knew that before applying to school and agreed, saying the job earnings would pay for it.

I honestly don't know what to tell her. I very much felt in June she was jumping into something too fast without considering her options. However, she really wanted to do this and DH and I wanted to encourage her independence.

Please advise! Thank you!
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allthingsblue




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:08 pm
She should look for a new job. It’s an employee’s market all over the place. (Worst case let her work to pay for the laptop and equipment and then look for a new job.)

This time hopefully she will learn from her mistake.
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torquoise




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:08 pm
I don't understand what your question is.
I completely understand everything you said.
I don't know what kind of relationship you have with her, but I would tell my daughter "I really feel for you. I wish you would have listened when I told you to look into the details more."
Also understand - she's at a very beginning point of her independence. She will make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. It's hard to watch, but we need to let our kids make mistakes.
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amother




Buttercup
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:09 pm
She can apply for another job. If she hates it she can leave. We all make mistakes.
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:10 pm
Is this an office in a school? If not, why would she expect to have summers off? Generally even school office jobs are 12-month positions.

OP, do you work? It sounds like you and your daughter have unrealistic expectations regarding employment. Most jobs have limited days of PTO, so like most working people, if there is a wedding she wants to go to which requires travel, she most likely cant go. If she needs income of her own, shell need a job. Adulting requires sacrifice. It’s a rude awakening but a great way to learn responsibility and resilience.
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SafeAtLast




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:12 pm
She can find something new if she wants to.
Many people leave after a trial period if they don't like it.

Seems like she is taking working responsibilities with difficulty though.
The working world is all the same. Responsibilities, not much time off, and not a whole lot of fun.
This is the real world.
I doubt a new job will change that.
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allthingsblue




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:15 pm
watergirl wrote:
Is this an office in a school? If not, why would she expect to have summers off? Generally even school office jobs are 12-month positions.

OP, do you work? It sounds like you and your daughter have unrealistic expectations regarding employment. Most jobs have limited days of PTO, so like most working people, if there is a wedding she wants to go to which requires travel, she most likely cant go. If she needs income of her own, shell need a job. Adulting requires sacrifice. It’s a rude awakening but a great way to learn responsibility and resilience.


I read this and assumed maybe she wants to work in a school or daycare.
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octopus




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:15 pm
She will learn what type of questions to ask, it is a learning experience. If she isn't happy at her job she can find a different one. No need to be miserable.
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Simple1




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:15 pm
If she wants summer and chol hamoed off, she can work in a school or day care.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:16 pm
watergirl wrote:
Is this an office in a school? If not, why would she expect to have summers off? Generally even school office jobs are 12-month positions.

OP, do you work? It sounds like you and your daughter have unrealistic expectations regarding employment. Most jobs have limited days of PTO, so like most working people, if there is a wedding she wants to go to which requires travel, she most likely cant go. If she needs income of her own, shell need a job. Adulting requires sacrifice. It’s a rude awakening but a great way to learn responsibility and resilience.


OP Here: She says she didn't think it through regarding the 12 month employment. She just jumped at actually having a job

Yes, I do work. I have held the same position for over 18 years. I have very limited time off which I use for Yom Tovim.
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:16 pm
allthingsblue wrote:
I read this and assumed maybe she wants to work in a school or daycare.

That could be, but then she also has very limited PTO in a school, and daycare is also 12 months.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:20 pm
allthingsblue wrote:
I read this and assumed maybe she wants to work in a school or daycare.


OP here: Here's the thing,: She doesn't want to work in a school setting, so I'm not sure what she is expecting!
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Simple1




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:22 pm
watergirl wrote:
That could be, but then she also has very limited PTO in a school, and daycare is also 12 months.


Daycares where I live offer the summer off unpaid. They are happy to hire teenagers as this saves them money. Usually enough adults choose to remain for parts of the summer to keep things running smoothly.


Last edited by Simple1 on Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:24 pm; edited 1 time in total
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andrea levy




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:23 pm
Welcome to adulting.
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vintagebknyc




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:23 pm
Let your daughter be a grown up and handle this on her own! If she is old enough for a job, she’s old enough to figure this out.
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trixx




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:23 pm
Whatever you do. Don't force her to stay as a "learning experience"
I was downright depressed in my first jobs until I realized I am allowed to quit!!!
You can make mistakes in life, it's fine. She can learn to give notice, (first search for another job) and leave gracefully. While still putting in all effort at this current job. These are all life skills.
However she might need guidance as to what the next job should be.
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amother




Lightpink
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:24 pm
I was in a similar situation after graduating college. I took the first job that came my way without asking too many questions…I learned a great lesson from that mistake that has carried me through when applying for other jobs years later. I think this will be a great learning experience for your daughter where she will rlly think critically about what kind of job she wants to have and will only apply for those jobs next time.
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SafeAtLast




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:27 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
OP here: Here's the thing,: She doesn't want to work in a school setting, so I'm not sure what she is expecting!


Maybe she should give it more time then, so she can see what exactly she doesn't like about this job that would be different elsewhere.
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causemommysaid




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:30 pm
Everyone quits their first job. No big deal. We all got excited at 18 to be earning money and not thinking through what it actually means.

As long as she doesn't need the money to live why should she stay somewhere she's not happy?
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:32 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
OP Here: She says she didn't think it through regarding the 12 month employment. She just jumped at actually having a job

Yes, I do work. I have held the same position for over 18 years. I have very limited time off which I use for Yom Tovim.

I hear you. And I also saw your post where he said she does not want to work at school. It’s not easy to not know what you want.

I wish her a lot of luck. Waking up one day and realizing that now you have to be a grown-up if you need income it’s a very hard thing to face and it makes total sense that she is unhappy at the moment. Maybe she can find some thing that is a happy medium for now. You sound like a very supportive mom!
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