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Daughter upset about new job! Please advise!
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amother




Pearl
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:32 pm
She should start looking for a new job. There are jobs that offer 10 month employment. I know someone who works for customer service in a heating related industry and they have way less work in the summer, so they will allow employees to sign 10 month contracts.

Until she finds something better she can continue to work at the job she already has. She’ll figure this all out in her own time.
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amother




Freesia
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:37 pm
If she needs the money she may need to stick it out until she finds something better. Colleges have mostly already started, or will be starting, this week. So if she needs the money for school related expenses, she shouldn't give notice until she has something else lined up. However, next summer is a long way off. If she starts looking now, she will likely find something else before then.
Honestly though, she's lucky to have found an office job right out of seminary, especially if the hours work with her college schedule. (Though it's possible that by next semester she will have a totally different schedule for classes and won't be able to keep this job anyway.)
As others have said, it's a learning experience.
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amother




NeonYellow
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:38 pm
[quote="causemommysaid"]Everyone quits their first job. [/quote]

After a year or two, maybe, to go on to bigger and better things. Not after a week. OP's dd sounds very immature.
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amother




Gold
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:45 pm
Let her do this on her own
Let her look around and try to find another job on her own
Tell her you hear her and if that’s what she wants to do just support her
She realizes she made a mistake
No use in rubbing it in
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:56 pm
amother [ Gold ] wrote:
Let her do this on her own
Let her look around and try to find another job on her own
Tell her you hear her and if that’s what she wants to do just support her
She realizes she made a mistake
No use in rubbing it in


OP here: Definitely not rubbing it in

She came to me upset and I wasn't really sure what to tell her. (Also, a woman in the office is about to go on maternity leave, so her job is very important)
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amother




Poinsettia
 

Post Sat, Sep 04 2021, 11:58 pm
Your daughter needs to grow up a little bit and face facts that this is what her life looks like now. If she doesn't want to work in a school, she's not going to have summers off. Period end of discussion.
Welcome to the adult world- most of us work 12 months a year and use most if not all of our vacation days for yomim tovim.
Sorry.
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causemommysaid




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 12:00 am
amother [ NeonYellow ] wrote:
After a year or two, maybe, to go on to bigger and better things. Not after a week. OP's dd sounds very immature.


Yes she is immature. That kind of defines most teenagers....

Why stick with a job she doesn't like if she doesn't need it? Just to prove her maturity?
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amother




Red
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 12:04 am
I don't know what you SHOULD tell your daughter, but I can tell you what I'd tell my own kids:

This is all very hard and frustrating for you. It's going to be a real learning experience.

What do you think you should do?

Do you think it might be a good idea to wait a few weeks and see if things get easier or not?

We all make mistakes. I'm not sure if this was a mistake or not, but it definitely is a challenge!

Do you want to talk it over with me or with a friend to see if there are alternative solutions to some of the issues that are bothering you most?
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amother




Olive
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 12:05 am
amother [ NeonYellow ] wrote:
After a year or two, maybe, to go on to bigger and better things. Not after a week. OP's dd sounds very immature.


Totally agree.
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 12:06 am
I'm a bit confused... She had the interview in June but only just started a week ago? What happens for the two months between June and now....

If there was such a long break between hiring and starting, I'm not surprised her expectations weren't clear.

Unless I'm missing something...
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amother




Olive
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 12:07 am
singleagain wrote:
I'm a bit confused... She had the interview in June but only just started a week ago? What happens for the two months between June and now....

If there was such a long break between hiring and starting, I'm not surprised her expectations weren't clear.

Unless I'm missing something...


Lol I bet she wanted her summer off
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amother




Purple
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 12:08 am
watergirl wrote:
Is this an office in a school? If not, why would she expect to have summers off? Generally even school office jobs are 12-month positions.

OP, do you work? It sounds like you and your daughter have unrealistic expectations regarding employment. Most jobs have limited days of PTO, so like most working people, if there is a wedding she wants to go to which requires travel, she most likely cant go. If she needs income of her own, shell need a job. Adulting requires sacrifice. It’s a rude awakening but a great way to learn responsibility and resilience.


This is the reality many places. However in many frum communities (and probably other places I don’t know if as well) there are jobs that are more flexible. Personally I would be so sad to have burnt my single years working in such a stiff environment. Often those kind of places (frum employers expecting all of their lower paid staff to work ALL of chol hamoed) take advantage in other ways.

As a pp said it’s a employees market and places are desperate for workers. Let her work her whole looking for other work then she can give them notice. Encourage her to research better next time and help her frame this as a learning opportunity.

For what it’s worth I now work evenings and on weekend days, chol hamoed etc. but I’m a prof building up a career. For my starting job and during internship I worked in a school and I loved those years. There are many schools looking for teachers/ assistants etc in the last minute now and it can be such a nice environment!
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 12:10 am
singleagain wrote:
I'm a bit confused... She had the interview in June but only just started a week ago? What happens for the two months between June and now....

If there was such a long break between hiring and starting, I'm not surprised her expectations weren't clear.

Unless I'm missing something...


OP Here: She had a camp job for July/August. Someone was getting married at the end of August, and leaving, so they didn't even need her to start until last week
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 12:13 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
OP Here: She had a camp job for July/August. Someone was getting married at the end of August, and leaving, so they didn't even need her to start until last week


Okay... That makes a bit more sense... I couldn't think of any reason why an office would hold a job for two months.

It is really tough .. can you maybe help her plot out pros and cons ... And what questions to ask for next time? She might just have to suck it up and do what she needs to until she fins something else, if that is indeed the best course of action
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DrMom




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 12:37 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Less than a week after my daughter got back from seminary in June, she interviewed for an office job. She was hired a day later.

I cautioned her that maybe she wanted to think about it a bit more. Her personality is not really for this type of job, but she really wanted to do it. A bunch of girls post-seminary work in this office, and she wanted to as well. I told her to really think about the commitment and the hours and how she was eliminating other things she may like to do. (Not many days off, for example, what if she wants to go to chasunas she needs to travel to?)

She didn't really ask too many questions about the job either, but she wanted to go for it because her friends were.

Well, less than a week into the job, she's massively upset.
She doesn't like that it's a 12 month position, not a school year schedule.
She wants to work at camp next summer but she can only take 3 days off at a time.

(All details she should have asked about and considered initially!)
She is miserable that she has to work on Chol Hamoed even though it's a frum office.

She's also signed up for a school program. DH and I are paying for school, however we cannot afford her laptop and all the equipment she will need for this program. She knew that before applying to school and agreed, saying the job earnings would pay for it.

I honestly don't know what to tell her. I very much felt in June she was jumping into something too fast without considering her options. However, she really wanted to do this and DH and I wanted to encourage her independence.

Please advise! Thank you!

Her goal is to pay for her laptop and equipment that she needs for this school program for which she is already registered.

If the terms of her employment at this office job specify that she must work 12 months, then she has to stick with it. If the contract does not stipulate that, then she can apply for the camp job, and if she gets it, quit the office job with adequate notice, assuming the camp job pays well enough to cover her expenses.

You can discuss these options with her, but I'd focus on the overall plan of earning enough cash to pay for her laptop and equipment, and let her take it from there.
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Fox




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 1:02 am
vintagebknyc wrote:
Let your daughter be a grown up and handle this on her own! If she is old enough for a job, she’s old enough to figure this out.

I hope y'all are sitting down. Vintage and I agree once again.

OP, the best thing you can do is help her lay out and pros and cons of this job. Then let her make the decision.

While there's certainly nothing wrong with her looking for employment that suits her personality better, I get the sense that she doesn't have a very realistic idea about the world of work.

Here's the problem she's going to need to grapple with: if an employer is able to give her the kind of schedule flexibility she wants, it means they don't really need her to be there regularly. Which means that the pay is likely to be low and the opportunity for advancement is nil.

That may be perfectly fine. Now is the time of life when she can try out a few different work environments and see where she would be happiest and most productive. But no one is going to pay her a generous salary and then not care if she takes excessive time off.

So she has some decisions to make, and they're all going to involve a sacrifice of one type or another. But she's the only one who can decide what sacrifices she wants to make.
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amother




Mint
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 2:13 am
If she had a camp job over the summer, didn't she already earn enough to buy a laptop?
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amother




Charcoal
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 2:29 am
Good that you understand that rubbing it in and saying "I told you so" would not be helpful at all. It's her first job as a young adult, she's allowed to make mistakes and have regrets. Your job as a parents is to be a cheerleader and build her self esteem. Tell her that you completely trust her to make good decisions for herself, and show her how much you believe in her by reminding her of previous accomplishments and good decisions she has made in the past. Tell her that you're there for her and will be a sounding board to hear her out and help her weigh the pros and cons of which decision to make and how to move forward. One of the best things a parent can do for their child is make them feel good about themselves, their decision making capabilities, and reminding them how much you believe in them. Even when they make mistakes.
Hatzlacha!
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ora_43




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 3:13 am
Agree with previous posters that your role here is to sympathize and to support her in thinking it over for herself, eg by asking questions that gently prompt her to think over issues she might be ignoring.

Questions like:
how do you want to handle this?
how much money do you need to be earning each month? how else could you earn that kind of money?
when would you have to give notice at this job, if you wanted to leave to work at a camp?

Things like that.

One thought I'd try to gently nudge her towards is that there's no need to quit a job in September in order to be free to work next June/July.

Another is that it's easier to hold out for a job you like when you already have a job.
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Simple1




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 05 2021, 5:52 am
amother [ NeonYellow ] wrote:
After a year or two, maybe, to go on to bigger and better things. Not after a week. OP's dd sounds very immature.


Better to quit immediately if she is sure it's the wrong job. She's not doing the employer any favors by sticking it out just for the principle of the matter. That way both can move on with few resources being wasted on an unhappy worker. It happens on both ends - often enough new workers are let go after the trial period.
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