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DD has so many issues. Where to start? Help me help her 😢
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 12:06 am
My dear 7 year old DD has so many issues, I don’t know where to start to get her help. Please can someone advise?!

Firstly, she doesn’t talk clearly. Her words come out a little slurred and she has a hard time finding the right word a lot of times. It takes a while to get out a sentence. She doesn’t talk much.

Next is her anger. She’s angry all the time. Everything upsets her. She takes everything personally. Constantly calling me mean if I forgot something or whatever. She’s just always upset. I feel so bad for her, I wish she could be happier. But this seems to be her temperament. She thinks the world is out to get her.

But it’s not just being upset. She gets into these extreme rages sometimes. Hurts her siblings often. She gets so angry.

And then there’s her social issues. I watch her on play dates, she doesn’t get what to do. I have to help her along, like, “honey, your friend wants to play a game not just walk around from room to room. She keeps asking to play. Let’s start the game!” But on her own she’s so awkward. I made her a birthday party and watched her classmates play with each other and saw how natural they were. She’s not like that.

She also has some sort of social anxiety. She is always embarrassed about everything. If she’s late, she doesn’t want to go to school at all because she says it’s so embarrassing to come late. If she has a cold, she’s embarrassed to sneeze. She wanted a certain (normal) lunch but then said actually no, because no one else brought that ever and it’s embarrassing. She’s always worried about being different and gets embarrassed about any little thing.

Despite all this, she’s a sweet little girl and I love her so much. I just get so overwhelmed about everything wrong and when I think of looking into one thing I think how the other thing is more important and should be taken care of first and before you know it it’s months later and nothing got done. I also feel like an awful mother for not taking care of this earlier. But I must do something. Where do I start? What do I do??
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 12:09 am
Get her evaluated
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amother




Honeydew
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 12:10 am
Does her school have a speech therapist?
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amother




Strawberry
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 12:12 am
Any of her issues, even in a small amount, is also true for you?

For instance, do you have any anger issues whatsoever? If yes, do you think if you work on your own anger issues with a good therapist for instance, do you think it would have ripple effects on your dd?
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Petra




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 12:13 am
Start with a developmental pediatrician. They can help figure it out and get her to the right resources. It's probable that all of the things you are observing with her are interconnected. And I don't think you are too late. Seven is young.
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TravelHearter




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 12:14 am
In my inexperienced opinion, I think it can all come from bad speech. She feels different from her peers and those around, and is probably easily frustrated and upset because of her low self esteem feelings and the fact that she has to work to be understood.
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amother




Pewter
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 12:32 am
Don't listen to dumb advice like your anger causes her anger.
The speech sounds neurological.
I would bet money that everything is interconnected and has one root cause.
I just became a pandas mom so...
It doesn't sound like pandas but it sounds like something. Start with the pediatrician and tons of bloodwork.
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amother




Dimgray
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 12:32 am
Get her speech therapy. It will help with speech and also with social communication.
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amother




Cyclamen
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 12:36 am
She needs speech therapy right away. Once she can speak clearly she will have more confidence and it will help the social issues. Also she will be able to express herself better and that will help the anger too. It seems like the speech issue is the root of the issues.
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amother




Pewter
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 12:40 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My dear 7 year old DD has so many issues, I don’t know where to start to get her help. Please can someone advise?!

Firstly, she doesn’t talk clearly. Her words come out a little slurred and she has a hard time finding the right word a lot of times. It takes a while to get out a sentence. She doesn’t talk much.

Next is her anger. She’s angry all the time. Everything upsets her. She takes everything personally. Constantly calling me mean if I forgot something or whatever. She’s just always upset. I feel so bad for her, I wish she could be happier. But this seems to be her temperament. She thinks the world is out to get her.

But it’s not just being upset. She gets into these extreme rages sometimes. Hurts her siblings often. She gets so angry.

And then there’s her social issues. I watch her on play dates, she doesn’t get what to do. I have to help her along, like, “honey, your friend wants to play a game not just walk around from room to room. She keeps asking to play. Let’s start the game!” But on her own she’s so awkward. I made her a birthday party and watched her classmates play with each other and saw how natural they were. She’s not like that.

She also has some sort of social anxiety. She is always embarrassed about everything. If she’s late, she doesn’t want to go to school at all because she says it’s so embarrassing to come late. If she has a cold, she’s embarrassed to sneeze. She wanted a certain (normal) lunch but then said actually no, because no one else brought that ever and it’s embarrassing. She’s always worried about being different and gets embarrassed about any little thing.

Despite all this, she’s a sweet little girl and I love her so much. I just get so overwhelmed about everything wrong and when I think of looking into one thing I think how the other thing is more important and should be taken care of first and before you know it it’s months later and nothing got done. I also feel like an awful mother for not taking care of this earlier. But I must do something. Where do I start? What do I do??


This isn't a speech therapy issue??
It sound neurological unless op didn't explain it properly.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 12:45 am
I agree with the others that her speech issues may be fueling her rage.
Get DD evaluated.

As for play dates - use dolls, mentchies, stuffed animals - and act out a play date.

There are also books that teach social skills.

The fact that she is embarrassed and want to be "normal" is actually a good thing,
although too much is not so good.

It is harder when a kid is clueless or just doesn't care about fitting in.
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amother




Royalblue
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 1:02 am
amother [ Pewter ] wrote:
This isn't a speech therapy issue??
It sound neurological unless op didn't explain it properly.


SLP here. Sounds neurological in nature that has manifested in her speech.
She should get evaluated, receive speech through her district and maybe even a social skills group once or twice a week. Great way to make friends too.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 1:42 am
Thank you everyone for responding.
Can someone walk me through, with really simple baby steps, how to get her evaluated? I don’t want to say where I live, but say it’s your hometown. Who do I call? What do I Google? Also, any tips on how to get DD on board without her feeling worse about herself than she already does? I can just imagine her reaction if I tell her she’s being evaluated. She’s so self conscious about being different.
Thank you!
amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:
SLP here. Sounds neurological in nature that has manifested in her speech.
She should get evaluated, receive speech through her district and maybe even a social skills group once or twice a week. Great way to make friends too.

Can you elaborate more please? What does that mean that it’s neurological? Is it something that can be fixed? Does that mean there’s a deeper issue?
And how do I find a social skills group? Is that a Jewish thing or anyone can be part of the group? I’ve never heard of that.
Thanks for helping.

Also when I said her speech is slurred, I don’t know if I described it right or not. It can sound like she’s talking with something stuffed in her mouth. She has improved over the last few years but she’s still hard to understand sometimes. She also has a hard time with certain sounds. And as I said, she struggles to come up with the right words very often.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 1:46 am
OP, call your pediatrician or your school.

They should be able to guide you.
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 1:49 am
TravelHearter wrote:
In my inexperienced opinion, I think it can all come from bad speech. She feels different from her peers and those around, and is probably easily frustrated and upset because of her low self esteem feelings and the fact that she has to work to be understood.


I agree with this completely.
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amother




Calendula
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 1:58 am
Mayb she’d be happier/ less self conscious in a smaller classroom setting. In a special Ed type
School where she can get speach therapy & help
With her social issues & she’ll feel
More like everyone else.
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amother




Powderblue
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 2:50 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My dear 7 year old DD has so many issues, I don’t know where to start to get her help. Please can someone advise?!

Firstly, she doesn’t talk clearly. Her words come out a little slurred and she has a hard time finding the right word a lot of times. It takes a while to get out a sentence. She doesn’t talk much.

Next is her anger. She’s angry all the time. Everything upsets her. She takes everything personally. Constantly calling me mean if I forgot something or whatever. She’s just always upset. I feel so bad for her, I wish she could be happier. But this seems to be her temperament. She thinks the world is out to get her.

But it’s not just being upset. She gets into these extreme rages sometimes. Hurts her siblings often. She gets so angry.

And then there’s her social issues. I watch her on play dates, she doesn’t get what to do. I have to help her along, like, “honey, your friend wants to play a game not just walk around from room to room. She keeps asking to play. Let’s start the game!” But on her own she’s so awkward. I made her a birthday party and watched her classmates play with each other and saw how natural they were. She’s not like that.

She also has some sort of social anxiety. She is always embarrassed about everything. If she’s late, she doesn’t want to go to school at all because she says it’s so embarrassing to come late. If she has a cold, she’s embarrassed to sneeze. She wanted a certain (normal) lunch but then said actually no, because no one else brought that ever and it’s embarrassing. She’s always worried about being different and gets embarrassed about any little thing.

Despite all this, she’s a sweet little girl and I love her so much. I just get so overwhelmed about everything wrong and when I think of looking into one thing I think how the other thing is more important and should be taken care of first and before you know it it’s months later and nothing got done. I also feel like an awful mother for not taking care of this earlier. But I must do something. Where do I start? What do I do??


Could it be impaired hearing? Some kids get very angry when they don't hear clearly what is being said and what is going on, and then it influences their speech too.
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amother1223




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 5:05 am
She needs to be evaluated by a trained professional who diagnoses tongue ties immediately. Where do you live live? I can help connect you

Also pediatricians snd most conventional speech therapists are not trained in this area so even if she’s already been told by both it’s not an issue for her- you need to dig deeper and see a professional trained in this area as I just mentioned
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 5:53 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thank you everyone for responding.
Can someone walk me through, with really simple baby steps, how to get her evaluated? I don’t want to say where I live, but say it’s your hometown. Who do I call?


A good place to start is her pediatrician. You can call and say you have a question, and share what you shared here -- the more detailed, the better.

The pediatrician may want to see her first, and perhaps can point you in the best direction for the next steps. Either a developmental pediatrician or a neuropsychologist can give a thorough battery of tests that will include how she hears, understands, and expresses language; her cognitive strengths and challenges, her social skills, and more.

Do you know anyone whose child has special needs of any sort? Especially that has some similar challenges to DD? Those parents might be able to suggest a developmental pediatrician or neuropsychologist that they found helpful. Your pediatrician may be able to guide you here as well. If some of these issues are coming up in the classroom, and your school hàs a nurse or social worker, they may also be able to suggest names of evaluators, and also help you explore and understand the finances.

amother [ OP ] wrote:
What do I Google? Also, any tips on how to get DD on board without her feeling worse about herself than she already does? I can just imagine her reaction if I tell her she’s being evaluated. She’s so self conscious about being different.
Thank you!


Since at this point, you don't know what's behind these challenges, you don't want to worry her. I'd suggest sticking to something like, "Dr ______ is going to ask a lot of questions that will help us learn more about you. I'll be (in the room with you/right outside in the waiting room, whatever the tester tells you) the whole time, and we'll go out for a special treat when you finish."

I've been through this with several children, and none of them ever asked whether this was singling them out from their peers. It was just something Mom said we were going to.

Once you have gone over the test results, the doctor doing the testing will be able to guide you as to the best way to move forward based on the diagnosis.

The odds are that you won't need or want to reveal details to DD until she is older. Just start working with the therapists that can help.

amother [ OP ] wrote:
Can you elaborate more please? What does that mean that it’s neurological? Is it something that can be fixed? Does that mean there’s a deeper issue?
And how do I find a social skills group? Is that a Jewish thing or anyone can be part of the group? I’ve never heard of that.
Thanks for helping.

Also when I said her speech is slurred, I don’t know if I described it right or not. It can sound like she’s talking with something stuffed in her mouth. She has improved over the last few years but she’s still hard to understand sometimes. She also has a hard time with certain sounds. And as I said, she struggles to come up with the right words very often.


Until you have more information, it's impossible to know whether the underlying issue is physical (something in her body) or neurological (a difference in her brain).

Absolutely nobody can promise you anything about the future. Once you have a diagnosis, you can begin to treat the issues, and time will tell. It's best to take life one day at a time.

Speech therapy can help her improve articulation, so that she's easier to understand. It also can help her understand others better.

Social skills groups are everywhere, not just a Jewish thing. They are usually run by someone trained in child psychology. Again, friends, schools, and doctors can all be good resources for finding them.

Once you are ready to think about starting with anyone (social group, speech therapist, or more) -- you have a name, the times fit your schedule, you are ready to move forward -- you can ask therapist for advice as to the best way to explain the new activity to your child.

That overwhelming social anxiety you describe probably comes from her awareness that she is different from many of her peers. While you're worried that any of these treatments may cause her to worry more and get more upset, it's not uncommon that having a name for her difference, and a way to understand the confusing world, may provide her with real relief.

Hatzlacha!
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amother




Red
 

Post Fri, Sep 10 2021, 6:06 am
If you have even a thought that you may want a developmental pediatric evaluation, call today to schedule it. Where I live there's a 6 month wait. Then, while your'e waiting for the developmental appointment, you can get a speech eval and start getting speech therapy.
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