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What is with people who don’t supervise their children?
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 2:25 am
I’m so disturbed. Me and DH we’re picking up some last minute things from the grocery store Friday and as we were checking out the woman in front of us was finishing bagging her things.

I watched as the mother of a one year old and five year old realize that her stroller was not big enough for all her bagged items. Her baby was on the floor of the grocery store, the stroller piled high, and there were still another ten bags left and a carton of eggs on the floor.

Without thinking she left her ten bags, carton of eggs, baby, and child alone in the supermarket (she didn’t ask anyone to watch them) and ran out with the stroller to pack up her car or taxi. Her baby was screaming hysterically for five minutes and tried crawling around the dirty floor, the five year old tried picking him up although she did not know how to hold a baby safely.

Five minutes later she returned and realized her daughter could not hold the baby and carton of eggs at once and asked me if I could keep an eye as she made another trip to her taxi/car. Her baby again cried hysterically on the dirty floor and crawled around. Five minutes later she came back and collected her children.

I just don’t understand this. How can you just abandon and neglect your children like that? Leaving a baby on the floor of a crowded dirty erev shabbos grocery?

I’m just horrified.
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amother




Alyssum
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 2:27 am
I can kind of guess where you were.
I see it all the time when I go to this place.

I think its a community norm.
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WhatFor




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 2:30 am
I'm not justifying leaving babies alone but this mom sounds really overwhelmed. She clearly needed to do a huge shopping trip alone with two kids just before Shabbat and doesn't have a car. I hope she gets the support she needs.
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amother




Carnation
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 2:34 am
Not all of us think on our feet very fast. She was probably thinking/hoping someone would offer to help her. She may have been too shy or embarrassed to ask for assistance.

This doesn't sound like a mother who doesn't take care of her kids, but a very harried mother who made an error in judgment.
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WhatFor




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 2:35 am
And btw I don't see this as comparable to those who leave their babies outside to play or their older kids babysitting. This mom was food shopping, which is necessary to feed her kids. And she was juggling her kids to boot because clearly she had no one else to watch them. From my perspective it's very easy for me to see how this could have been done better, but I don't know what she's going through. I hope her life gets less chaotic.
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amother




NeonYellow
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 4:55 am
People have kids that they cannot handle.
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amother




Carnation
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 5:04 am
When we see overwhelmed mothers doing stupid things... why don't we help them?

Why don't we tell them, "I've been there, it's rough. Come show me your car and I'll help you load it"?

Why don't we pick up the baby and soothe her, and then reassure the mother that this stage will pass and things will get easier?

Why don't we offer to have our husband speak to hers, so that he'll understand better how to support his wife?

Why don't we smile at them, and tell them they're doing great, so that we can be sure that at least one kind thing was said to them today?

Why don't we reserve some judgment and be generous with compassion and assistance?

Why does every mother have to carry the weight of her world alone?
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amother




NeonYellow
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 5:06 am
amother [ Carnation ] wrote:
When we see overwhelmed mothers doing stupid things... why don't we help them?

Why don't we tell them, "I've been there, it's rough. Come show me your car and I'll help you load it"?

Why don't we pick up the baby and soothe her, and then reassure the mother that this stage will pass and things will get easier?

Why don't we offer to have our husband speak to hers, so that he'll understand better how to support his wife?

Why don't we smile at them, and tell them they're doing great, so that we can be sure that at least one kind thing was said to them today?

Why don't we reserve some judgment and be generous with compassion and assistance?

Why does every mother have to carry the weight of her world alone?


There are many kind and supportive people in the world. And still, there are parents that have more children than they can handle.
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amother




DarkOrange
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 5:19 am
amother [ Carnation ] wrote:
When we see overwhelmed mothers doing stupid things... why don't we help them?

Why don't we tell them, "I've been there, it's rough. Come show me your car and I'll help you load it"?

Why don't we pick up the baby and soothe her, and then reassure the mother that this stage will pass and things will get easier?

Why don't we offer to have our husband speak to hers, so that he'll understand better how to support his wife?

Why don't we smile at them, and tell them they're doing great, so that we can be sure that at least one kind thing was said to them today?

Why don't we reserve some judgment and be generous with compassion and assistance?

Why does every mother have to carry the weight of her world alone?


So well said. A little sensitivity and a kind word can literally save someone’s wellbeing! There’s enough criticism to go around, if you see an overwhelmed mom in the grocery help her instead of bashing her here.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 5:21 am
She could of taken a shopping cart instead of filling up her stroller and carrying a one year old around the store. I would never think to do a huge shopping with 20+ bags with no cart, and a baby who cannot walk.

I was considering picking up the baby, but DH is super corona cautious and didn't want me picking up a stranger's child.

At the very least - ask someone to watch your baby! A small baby who can't walk could of easily gotten trampled in a crowded supermarket checkout on the floor. People who are rolling carts by DO NOT look at the ground for crawling babies! That is itself I thought was so irresponsible and dangerous.
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amother




DarkOrange
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 5:21 am
amother [ NeonYellow ] wrote:
There are many kind and supportive people in the world. And still, there are parents that have more children than they can handle.

There’s so much narrow mindedness and judgement in this post. Not every overwhelmed trip to the supermarket equals that this woman shouldn’t have given birth to these kids. Life is hectic and overwhelming at times and that’s perfectly normal.
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amother




Valerian
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 8:22 am
Why is everyone so mean? Maybe her husband just walked out on her, maybe she lost her job and no longer has money for a nanny, maybe her husband was just diagnosed with cancer... how does someone struggling equal she had too many kids? I seriously can’t believe how cruel and cold people are. And you are so corona conscious that you watch a woman struggle and a baby cry hysterically and you sit on your high horse and judge instead of helping someone in need? Yikes
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 8:26 am
amother [ Valerian ] wrote:
Why is everyone so mean? Maybe her husband just walked out on her, maybe she lost her job and no longer has money for a nanny, maybe her husband was just diagnosed with cancer... how does someone struggling equal she had too many kids? I seriously can’t believe how cruel and cold people are. And you are so corona conscious that you watch a woman struggle and a baby cry hysterically and you sit on your high horse and judge instead of helping someone in need? Yikes


I am high risk, so although it hurt me to watch her struggle and her baby cry - I still was not going to pick the child up. I did make sure people walking past were aware of the baby on the floor.

Again, I just don't understand why she didn't get a grocery cart that would of fit both children, all her bags, and her stroller. This was a large supermarket with plenty of carts available. Leaving a baby on the floor who cannot stand or walk yet is so dangerous in a crowded store.
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amother




Valerian
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 8:31 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I am high risk, so although it hurt me to watch her struggle and her baby cry - I still was not going to pick the child up. I did make sure people walking past were aware of the baby on the floor.

Again, I just don't understand why she didn't get a grocery cart that would of fit both children, all her bags, and her stroller. This was a large supermarket with plenty of carts available. Leaving a baby on the floor who cannot stand or walk yet is so dangerous in a crowded store.


Probably because last time she wheeled a cart out people yelled at her and shamed her for not walking it back to the store. She can’t win when it comes to judging her. There really is no excuse to sit here and judge her instead of feeling compassion for someone that was clearly struggling in the moment. And we will never know and it’s not ok to walk around the world never helping anyone and just shaming and judging. I hope she’s not on here reading this.
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sequoia




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 8:33 am
The whole situation sounds really overwhelming.
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amother




Junglegreen
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 8:35 am
That crawling baby on a dirty floor will be fine, and will probably grow up nice and healthy.

But I do pity a Jewish mother that can stand by and watch a baby cry on a dirty floor, potentially getting trampled, but not do anything because they are super cautious about covid.
And I’m assuming this super cautious person is vaccinated.
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naomi2




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 8:39 am
Well said amother Carnation.
Seriously, we see someone struggling and the first thing we think should be compassion. Even your fear of Corona doesn't excuse your lack of compassion op. People struggle in this world, all the time. and it's our duty to show compassion and help in some way. If you couldn't pick up the baby, could you have help shlep bags? Give a kind word to the mother? How about at the very least judge her favorably in your mind? Maybe she has too many children and can't handle it but that's not my business. My business is to look for ways to help.
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amother




Amaranthus
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 8:46 am
Perhaps she didn’t ask for help because of the very reason you gave that people would cite corona not be able to help and she would feel worse and waste more time.
Talk about judgement in the moment then maybe your husband or someone could’ve offered to load her groceries instead of holding baby. Or have gotten someone in the store to help her.
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amother




Ecru
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 8:53 am
If you're that Corona cautious you should stay home and order groceries online.
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amother




Bellflower
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 8:57 am
OP you are absolutely right. I can’t believe everyone is justifying that mother’s choices.
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