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What is with people who don’t supervise their children?
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 8:59 am
amother [ Bellflower ] wrote:
OP you are absolutely right. I can’t believe everyone is justifying that mother’s choices.


No one said it was ok, but I think we are all in agreement that moms need more compassion and less judgement. She was obviously trying her hardest, even though she didn’t get it quite right.

And also, if I saw a baby crawling on the dirty floor, I’d pick him up corona not corona….


Last edited by SuperWify on Sun, Sep 12 2021, 9:00 am; edited 2 times in total
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amother
Valerian


 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 8:59 am
amother [ Bellflower ] wrote:
OP you are absolutely right. I can’t believe everyone is justifying that mother’s choices.


That’s not what’s happening. We are all pointing out that judging and not helping is not ok and that people struggle.
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4g01o




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 9:19 am
amother [ Junglegreen ] wrote:
That crawling baby on a dirty floor will be fine, and will probably grow up nice and healthy.

But I do pity a Jewish mother that can stand by and watch a baby cry on a dirty floor, potentially getting trampled, but not do anything because they are super cautious about covid.
And I’m assuming this super cautious person is vaccinated.


👏
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the world's best mom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 9:40 am
If I was in the mother's situation, I would have held the baby, dragged along the older kid, and made a few trips to the car- and prayed with all my heart that someone would help me.

If I was OP, I would have held that baby and taken stuff to the car with my free hand. Poor mother.
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amother
Obsidian


 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 9:40 am
amother [ Valerian ] wrote:
Why is everyone so mean? Maybe her husband just walked out on her, maybe she lost her job and no longer has money for a nanny, maybe her husband was just diagnosed with cancer... how does someone struggling equal she had too many kids? I seriously can’t believe how cruel and cold people are. And you are so corona conscious that you watch a woman struggle and a baby cry hysterically and you sit on your high horse and judge instead of helping someone in need? Yikes

👏👏👏👏👏👏
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amother
Obsidian


 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 9:46 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I am high risk, so although it hurt me to watch her struggle and her baby cry - I still was not going to pick the child up. I did make sure people walking past were aware of the baby on the floor.

Again, I just don't understand why she didn't get a grocery cart that would of fit both children, all her bags, and her stroller. This was a large supermarket with plenty of carts available. Leaving a baby on the floor who cannot stand or walk yet is so dangerous in a crowded store.

I don’t understand why YOU couldn’t bring her a cart.
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clowny




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 9:48 am
Op, If I would walk into a grocery and watch this sight, to be very honest- I would judge the bystanders way more than this overwhelming mother. How can someone just watch something like that, not offer help and then just judge the mom that she can’t supervise her kids?? Corona??? Oh c’mon… if you’re so high risk then you shouldn’t be going in public. You can either do online grocery shopping or your husband can do it. Or, there were so many other ways to help other than offering to hold the baby.
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 9:54 am
This thread makes me sick. No wonder Masiach hasn't come yet...
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 9:55 am
Poor woman and kids. Struggling like that and no one stepped up to help. Shameful that this happened. Not something to be proud of.
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Blessing1




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 9:58 am
OP, instead of opening a thread judging this obviously very overwhelmed mom, have some compassion and help her out!! I know it's fun to judge other's, but you can't know what others are going through. If we see someone struggling, we should lend a hand instead of being so awfully judgemental.
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amother
Oleander


 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 9:58 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I am high risk, so although it hurt me to watch her struggle and her baby cry - I still was not going to pick the child up. I did make sure people walking past were aware of the baby on the floor.

Again, I just don't understand why she didn't get a grocery cart that would of fit both children, all her bags, and her stroller. This was a large supermarket with plenty of carts available. Leaving a baby on the floor who cannot stand or walk yet is so dangerous in a crowded store.


I understand not wanting to pick up the baby. But why not offer to shlep her bags to the car so she can stay with her two children?

Additionally, you don't need to understand WHY she didn't do something. It could be she was having a really tough day and was unable to think straight. She could have been operating in a fog and unable to focus due to whatever unfortunate reason. We shouldn't be asking why, we should be asking ourselves how can I lend a hand in this situation. If you had that extra time to stand there and make people aware of a baby on the floor, then you could have utilized the time to help with shlepping the bags.

We should be reserving the judgement for ourselves. As in, why didn't I take measures to help out this woman instead of wasting those moments and judging her. You never ever really know what's going on in someone's life, so I don't see how any person can pass judgment on someone else.
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Blessing1




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:01 am
amother [ NeonYellow ] wrote:
People have kids that they cannot handle.


Omg, this comment is unbelievable! Even the best of us are overwhelmed at times! This doesn't mean we had kids we cannot handle.
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:06 am
I don't understand people who put crawling babies on public floors. The little baby could have gotten run over by a shopping cart. It is crazy! I have a sil who does this, puts crawling babies on chasuna floors or bar mitzvah floors where people can step on them with their heels or waiters can trip. It's just not appropriate behavior. With that being said, I would've acted like a supportive person and picked up the baby. I'm hi risk too but I would feel it's pikuach nefesh. I'm not judging your hi riskiness, op. This is just what I would have done.
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tp3




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:14 am
Just wanted to say, if anyone here is ever struggling or overwhelmed in public, please don't hesitate to ask for help from the people around you. Use your voice and let us help you, to make even that one minute easier for you.

That is literally why we are here on this Earth- to help each other. If we need a reminder, it is us who should be embarrassed, not the person who is struggling.
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amother
Denim


 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:15 am
That mom doesn't win the mother of the year award. But op, you don't exactly win mentch of the year award yourself. You were there with your husband. That's two adults. Really, neither of you could lend an overwhelmed mother a hand? She was struggling.
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amother
Junglegreen


 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:17 am
Someone that is so high risk does not shop in that store at that hour.
And you know that.
There are plenty of quiet/ mask wearing/ stores to shop at. Did you AND your husband have to risk covid by going into the store ?
The covid card became the excuse for everything.
Wanna use it?
No problem but be honest.
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amother
Hyssop


 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 10:39 am
amother [ NeonYellow ] wrote:
There are many kind and supportive people in the world. And still, there are parents that have more children than they can handle.


so confused. I read abt a five yr old and a baby.
you're recommending ppl have one child???
and news for everyone that is posting ppl have too many kids then they can handle (which might be true in different situations)- I've been to the grocery with one baby or two children and have been extremely overwhelmed. it depends on so many factors.
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 11:24 am
There is no such thing as having so few kids that you can always handle all of them. Unless we're talking having zero kids.

Have even one kid, and a day will come when you're too sick or too distracted or too whatever to look after them properly.

Yeah, it sounds like this mother's decision-making was unusually bad. You have to be pretty out of it to think that leaving a baby on the floor of a grocery store, "supervised" by a 5-year-old, is a workable plan.

But... she was under pressure, she was trying to get her groceries out of everyone's way as quickly as possible. She was trying to do the right thing.

Possibly, there was a tacit assumption there that you were supervising, too. That is - that as a frum woman, you would make sure her baby wasn't kidnapped or run over or whatever. And I get that your knee-jerk reaction to that might be "um, what? I owe her nothing! She didn't even ask!" but if she's from a community where those are the unspoken norms, it may not have even occurred to her that your unspoken norms were different.

Basically - cut her some slack. And next time, offer to help with the groceries. You and your dh were two people, even if you didn't want to touch her kids, one of you could have helped carry bags to her car at a 6-foot distance - no?

(I'm not really judging you - like her, you were stuck in an unexpected situation and didn't have the time to think of a better way of doing things.)
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amother
Iris


 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 11:31 am
Isn't it interesting, the ways in which we each project onto others?
It would never occur to me to judge this woman. Instead, I'd immediately think of offering assistance.
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 1:08 pm
amother [ Iris ] wrote:
Isn't it interesting, the ways in which we each project onto others?
It would never occur to me to judge this woman. Instead, I'd immediately think of offering assistance.

If she was standing there looking lost, I'd offer assistance. If she just grabbed some bags and headed out without a word, I'd probably do what OP did - stand there thinking "did that just happen? wait - where did she go? she's coming back, right??" and wishing I had the slightest idea whether she'd be OK with me picking up her baby, whether her baby would be OK with being picked up by a stranger, etc.

I guess I'm saying, let's not judge OP, either. It doesn't sound like the other woman left her many ways to realistically help. Like, even if OP was completely fine with picking up her baby, it's not such a simple thing to calm down a hysterical child you've never met in your life.
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