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What is with people who don’t supervise their children?
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amother




Bone
 

Post Sun, Sep 12 2021, 1:12 pm
OMG, thanks to all the judgy posters on this thread for adding another layer of pressure to the non-stop trips to the grocery store during this super-busy time of year.

Now if the kid(s) who happen to be with me get cranky, ask for another treat, or just want to be held and I look a bit overwhelmed while trying to juggle a cart, pay for my groceries, and hold a squirming toddler who refuses to sit for a moment longer, I'll have people thinking I have more kids than I can handle.

Sheesh Can't Believe It
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amother




Aubergine
 

Post Tue, Sep 14 2021, 1:04 am
Poor mama is overwhelmed. Why did you not help her?
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amother




NeonYellow
 

Post Tue, Sep 14 2021, 4:16 am
THE. BABY. WAS. ON. THE. FLOOR.
This is not about being judgy of overwhelmed Mamma's. And its not about busy days with crying kids in tow. Of course being a mother is overwhelming and very very unglamorous, especially this time of year.
BUT!
This is a woman who left the store while her baby was crawling on the grocery floor during a very busy hour. Of course she needs help. But OP has every right to be bewildered by this behavior.
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amother




Ballota
 

Post Sun, Nov 28 2021, 11:38 am
Umm so this is not necessarily going to be a popular comment, but I'm serious.

Could someone please post which community they think this is - in which such behaviors are "the norm"?

There is a toeles here. I need - badly need - to find a community like that for my family. Because I am that mother. I honestly cannot manage well and everywhere we go, I feel judged. My dream is to find a community where I am *not* the worst mother and my kids and husband don't have to deal with having the worst wife/mother. Where other people are the same as me

So somebody please be brave and say, which community do you think it could be?

Because some of us are "that mother" and need to be with other "that mothers" like we need water and air.
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amother




Ballota
 

Post Sun, Nov 28 2021, 11:41 am
amother [ Alyssum ] wrote:
I can kind of guess where you were.
I see it all the time when I go to this place.

I think its a community norm.


9 people gave this post a thumbs up. Could one of you please come forward? Seriously please
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amother




DarkOrange
 

Post Sun, Nov 28 2021, 12:53 pm
amother [ Ballota ] wrote:
9 people gave this post a thumbs up. Could one of you please come forward? Seriously please

Where are you from?
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Esty 4




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Nov 28 2021, 2:10 pm
amother [ DarkOrange ] wrote:
So well said. A little sensitivity and a kind word can literally save someone’s wellbeing! There’s enough criticism to go around, if you see an overwhelmed mom in the grocery help her instead of bashing her here.

Exactly! Why did nobody offer help?
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amother




Tealblue
 

Post Sun, Nov 28 2021, 2:23 pm
OMG ouch. OP, this woman needed a hand not some judgemental obnoxious post here. You see a mother trying to hold it together in a store and it's not working, you step in and help her!
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amother




Ghostwhite
 

Post Sun, Nov 28 2021, 2:33 pm
amother [ Ballota ] wrote:
Umm so this is not necessarily going to be a popular comment, but I'm serious.

Could someone please post which community they think this is - in which such behaviors are "the norm"?

There is a toeles here. I need - badly need - to find a community like that for my family. Because I am that mother. I honestly cannot manage well and everywhere we go, I feel judged. My dream is to find a community where I am *not* the worst mother and my kids and husband don't have to deal with having the worst wife/mother. Where other people are the same as me

So somebody please be brave and say, which community do you think it could be?

Because some of us are "that mother" and need to be with other "that mothers" like we need water and air.


I don't think there is one community where this is more acceptable than others. It's about being a disorganized, adhd type mother and doing the best you can. I'm like this too, though I can't say I've ever left a baby crawling on the floor, but I have left kids at the checkout while I run back to get one more item I forgot. I would NOT want to live in a place where all the moms are like me. I'd rather continue to have positive role models around me, and at the same time to work on inner acceptance. I'm not the worst wife/mother. And neither are you.
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amother




Ballota
 

Post Sun, Nov 28 2021, 7:48 pm
amother [ DarkOrange ] wrote:
Where are you from?


I think that would give me away...
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amother




Ballota
 

Post Sun, Nov 28 2021, 7:51 pm
amother [ Ballota ] wrote:
Umm so this is not necessarily going to be a popular comment, but I'm serious.

Could someone please post which community they think this is - in which such behaviors are "the norm"?

There is a toeles here. I need - badly need - to find a community like that for my family. Because I am that mother. I honestly cannot manage well and everywhere we go, I feel judged. My dream is to find a community where I am *not* the worst mother and my kids and husband don't have to deal with having the worst wife/mother. Where other people are the same as me

So somebody please be brave and say, which community do you think it could be?

Because some of us are "that mother" and need to be with other "that mothers" like we need water and air.


If anyone has a guess about what community this could be -- or knows of similar communities -- could you please post your name and I will PM you? Iy"H I am so serious. This could really help me.
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amother




Violet
 

Post Sun, Nov 28 2021, 7:55 pm
amother [ Ballota ] wrote:
If anyone has a guess about what community this could be -- or knows of similar communities -- could you please post your name and I will PM you? Iy"H I am so serious. This could really help me.


Really? If you live in a place like Flatbush would you move to a place like Monroe and vice versa?


Last edited by amother on Wed, Dec 15 2021, 9:04 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Chartreuse
 

Post Sun, Nov 28 2021, 8:24 pm
this is not the community norm ANYWHERE!! always ready to pinpoint.. ugh. second of all, I've seen modern orthodox people struggle with their 2 kids, and I've seen mothers of 12, be cool and collected. You judgmental people sound like the anti-semites around monsey who think there are too many jews around.
ugh. ugh. ugh.
and yes. You see a mother struggling, help her out, instead of turning your nose down. How can you watch a innocent baby screeching on a dirty floor, and just stand there and judge.
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amother




Topaz
 

Post Sun, Nov 28 2021, 8:34 pm
amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:
this is not the community norm ANYWHERE!! always ready to pinpoint.. ugh. second of all, I've seen modern orthodox people struggle with their 2 kids, and I've seen mothers of 12, be cool and collected. You judgmental people sound like the anti-semites around monsey who think there are too many jews around.
ugh. ugh. ugh.
and yes. You see a mother struggling, help her out, instead of turning your nose down. How can you watch a innocent baby screeching on a dirty floor, and just stand there and judge.


In these three pages the only person to mention a community has been you. So so far no one has stereotyped anyone except you!!!
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amother




Oatmeal
 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2021, 12:11 am
amother [ Carnation ] wrote:
When we see overwhelmed mothers doing stupid things... why don't we help them?

Why don't we tell them, "I've been there, it's rough. Come show me your car and I'll help you load it"?

Why don't we pick up the baby and soothe her, and then reassure the mother that this stage will pass and things will get easier?

Why don't we offer to have our husband speak to hers, so that he'll understand better how to support his wife?

Why don't we smile at them, and tell them they're doing great, so that we can be sure that at least one kind thing was said to them today?

Why don't we reserve some judgment and be generous with compassion and assistance?

Why does every mother have to carry the weight of her world alone?


Yup. Totally agree.
I was once in a children's clothing store. And I see a mother letting her kids run around and ruining stuff in the store. My first instinct was, why is she letting them run around and ruin everything? Then I realized she must be too overwhelmed or she wouldn't let them do it. Her mind was clearly somewhere else. Then I realized she had a screaming baby that she was trying to calm down. So I offered to hold her baby while she can take care of her older kids. She was so thankful. Imagine I would have criticized her for letting her kids run around and ruin everything.
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amother




Burlywood
 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2021, 12:17 am
I think anyone seeing this should help the woman with her packages so she could watch her kids.
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amother




Oatmeal
 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2021, 12:27 am
amother [ Ballota ] wrote:
Umm so this is not necessarily going to be a popular comment, but I'm serious.

Could someone please post which community they think this is - in which such behaviors are "the norm"?

There is a toeles here. I need - badly need - to find a community like that for my family. Because I am that mother. I honestly cannot manage well and everywhere we go, I feel judged. My dream is to find a community where I am *not* the worst mother and my kids and husband don't have to deal with having the worst wife/mother. Where other people are the same as me

So somebody please be brave and say, which community do you think it could be?

Because some of us are "that mother" and need to be with other "that mothers" like we need water and air.


You can join my club! I am that mother too!
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oakandfig19




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2021, 11:52 am
I agree that people should help. But honestly there’s no excuse for leaving your baby and five year old unattended. No excuse. You could order groceries rather than shlepping your kids to the store, get someone to watch your baby while you shop, use a baby chest carrier while shopping…or how about take responsibility and ask someone to watch your baby while you run out to get a taxi . Why *hope* that someone will stand up to watch out for your children? You’re the mother. The buck stops with you. There are so many ways you can avoid this dangerous scenario. I have sympathy for people who are overwhelmed but this is beyond…this is borderline neglectful. All mothers get overwhelmed but it’s up to us to ask for help. I’m sure I will get backlash for this but I just can’t fathom how someone could leave their baby on the floor of a store simply because they’re ‘overwhelmed.’ That’s much more than just being overwhelmed.
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amother




Carnation
 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2021, 12:06 pm
oakandfig19 wrote:
I agree that people should help. But honestly there’s no excuse for leaving your baby and five year old unattended. No excuse. You could order groceries rather than shlepping your kids to the store, get someone to watch your baby while you shop, use a baby chest carrier while shopping…or how about take responsibility and ask someone to watch your baby while you run out to get a taxi . Why *hope* that someone will stand up to watch out for your children? You’re the mother. The buck stops with you. There are so many ways you can avoid this dangerous scenario. I have sympathy for people who are overwhelmed but this is beyond…this is borderline neglectful. All mothers get overwhelmed but it’s up to us to ask for help. I’m sure I will get backlash for this but I just can’t fathom how someone could leave their baby on the floor of a store simply because they’re ‘overwhelmed.’ That’s much more than just being overwhelmed.

Sure, after the fact I’m sure this mother took steps to make sure it wouldn’t happen again.

But to sit here and play Monday morning quarterback on her is just unfair.

I remember once being in a store and feeling like I was about to faint. I had kids with me and didn’t know anyone in the store. My head was spinning and I couldn’t think straight. I somehow got everyone to the car but I can totally see myself having made some really stupid choices in the moment.

If this is a pattern of behavior, she needs long term help. But even then it does not excuse the able-bodied people in the store who WERE thinking clearly from refraining from helping a person in obvious need.
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